Eric
J. Reid
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Words Once Spoken
All Databased Quotes
Catholicism to Scientology. I bet that’s going to be quite a journey.
—Nobuff's Own Woman (WOS 16)
When you like, share with a guy… Sometimes they’re like… Guys.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 16)
I’ve got more fanny packs than fanny.
—Perspective (WOS 16)
I like her. She’s hot. I hope she’s off somewhere doing something with someone who looks like me.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
That’s just not competitive enough in today’s voyeuristic market.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
You've got to give it up for a career where you can be working at 1:09am, surrounded by the occasional knockout college girl in discourse, knocking back Irish Car Bombs, typing away in a sultry upstairs bar while listening to "Linkin Park meets East Indian techno" and various other sundry audible delectables.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
You know what daddy wants? Well, we're not going to go there. But…
—Miss Construed (WOS 16)
It’s not enough for gangsters now to rule the streets, they have to rule the merchandising tie-ins.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
This is cool. Something 92 miles from Nashville is cool.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Yeah, I guess you can call it a symbolic victory. If the symbol is winning.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
You have a dirty mouth. Facially speaking. Not linguistically.
—Perspective (WOS 16)
May your words be for love. May your laughter be for joy. May your struggles be for one another, And your love’s story one of wonder.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Who wants to be drop-kicked? Cuz y’all can just form a line right there.
—Cool Fury (WOS 16)
There has been a steady wave of “Tuscanization” of all things in the past several years.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
He just domestically spied on you in public.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Once you go watermelon, you never go back.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 16)
I just tweaked on that nurdle and got jankety.
—Jefferson Vagadasher (WOS 16)
Have you ever experienced his belly button?
—Becstress (WOS 16)
You have to understand that the real danger does not lie in rubbing his nipples.
—Porcine Sculptor (WOS 16)
I ain't stupid, I just talk funny.
—J. Montes (WOS 16)
The poon keeps your head right. The ass makes you CRAAAAZY.
—J.T. Elliot (WOS 16)
Your father has spoiled me for all these mediocre-looking men all these years.
—Gwok (WOS 16)
I’m just saying that everything I’ve touched today has turned to molten shit.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
There are any number of things we can do to rectify this situation, but none of them will help.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
I didn’t so much agree to it as I proposed it.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
It’s man love. It feels GOOD.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 16)
He’s already exhibited his compass.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
The question is, can you harness the inspiration AFTER?
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 16)
I can barely handle this, and I enjoy this.
—The Wooly (WOS 16)
I'm gonna Jew-slam it.
—Philistine (WOS 16)
You're like the secondary ganzoid.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 16)
Even in a fantasy world, I think we will all agree this is absurd.
—MauChurl (WOS 16)
This is a grudge monster. It's retaliatory DMing.
—Silvery Sayer (WOS 16)
It's a pleasant experience. It's a flashback, like 'Nam, but less bodies.
—MauChurl (WOS 16)
We've got a congo line of death.
—Silvery Sayer (WOS 16)
Quit hitting me, dammit! I'm a prophet now!
—MauChurl (WOS 16)
If you just bend over, you're not much of a prophet, you're just a loudmouth.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 16)
I'm like, um, Nature's face-man.
—Raven (WOS 16)
PS - that was the voice of God.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 16)
Lumbering is not a friendly verb.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 16)
I worked for a nice car. He gave me a cow.
—Matchfunk Oney (WOS 16)
It is mesmerotic space funk, definitely.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 16)
We all are born with different gifts. We aren’t all born with the stability that is taken for granted. Many of us borrow it. From different sources. But it is always taken for granted.
—Heinlein (WOS 16)
Isn’t that a naturally plural word. Like moose?
—Pasta Grimace (WOS 16)
Brazilians are money in the bank every time…
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 16)
You guys down there are always good for some racist comedy.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 16)
He's the kind of guy who will get you thrown in jail with the very best of intentions.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
I don't think there should be a dash in your name unless you're from Africa.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 16)
32 is the number all men give as their magic number.
—Matchstick Girl (WOS 16)
I just can’t see myself blowing glass dildos.
—Recruiting Young Minds (WOS 16)
That's why I keep working with your brain scatterings, hoping one will stick.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
She’s an ATB – an all terrain baby.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
If you’re already lying down, you can’t fall.
—The Sassy Adminstrator (WOS 16)
You ever seen frozen ice? Lord, it’s hard! It’s like liquid water!
—Agent Peludo (WOS 16)
I’m a lot happier now that I’ve never had cancer again.
—the dark penguin (WOS 16)
I’m sure you don’t get this a lot in your circles, but I’d like the short version.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Did you know that only 50% of bank robbers are ever caught? So, you and I should go rob some banks and see who gets caught.
—The New Sweteness (WOS 16)
There's no middle ground for Germans.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Law enforcement knowledge? That's optional. You've got the badge, you know what to do.
—Majere Mirror (WOS 16)
Listen. I've tried to be happy, tried to be slim. Neither one seems to be working out. Maybe it's time for a new approach.
—Geluk (WOS 16)
That’s why I’m such an innovator. I skipped the rise and went straight to the fall.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
I shouldn’t. I really, really shouldn’t. But the thing is, I don’t live in the big picture. I live in the details. Moment by moment.
—Mr. Big Time (WOS 16)
The funny thing about having a shaven head is how you can feel every, EVERY, little nerve tingle, question or sting as a hand skims across.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Welcome to the club of those who can no longer be trusted by the youth, nor can they get away with telling their parents they're still trying to "find themselves"…
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 16)
I am ready to put my romantic eggs in other baskets.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Best not to break the veil.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 16)
Calibrese. That Jewish?
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Every state has a city where people go to die. For Kansas, it’s Topeka.
—ManToy (WOS 16)
Sometimes getting better hurts.
—Ian (WOS 16)
Synthesize! Synthesize! With all due haste!
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 16)
Don’t get me wrong. I get some wrong. But PURE WRONG, right on? I get that seldom…
—Geluk (WOS 16)
This is 2 generations later and it still don’t make sense.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 16)
It’s nice to see you are inconvenienced by your own industriousness.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
I am like a panty liner for splinters.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
It takes a village to ruin our empire.
—Directly Educating (WOS 16)
I always feel like I get that natural glow after sex in a hot tub.
—Red (WOS 16)
No, I didn’t. But he did try to use it as a weapon of love against me.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
Women should not think they have the monopoly on making socially awkward statements.
—Stretchy Celtic Kiwi (WOS 16)
Wow. I'm gonna hafta just die. Die. Go be dead somewhere.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 16)
Cigars are like a low-thumping bass to my nose.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
Cigarettes are like a bitchy, little third-grade cheerleader screaming up my nasal cavity.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
Nowhere on Earth is the YMCA an acceptable song anymore. Except with retards. Retards love this song.
—Red (WOS 16)
I like good ole boys. I just don’t like their politics.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
It’s like a good fart – it stands on its own. Is it any good? You tell me.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
There are 2 kinds of worst people in the world: those who want what I have and those who need it.
—Kid Rock Groupie (WOS 16)
However, THAT is a dead rabbit.
—Leary (WOS 16)
I don’t remember it having teats, though.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
Pork, beer and chicks. That pretty much covers the four major food groups.
—Majere Mirror (WOS 16)
I try not to hold a grudge but I can't say I'm very good at it.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 16)
Sweet! It's a Trans Am grave yard.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
My soul is depraved. And I love it.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 16)
That's the thing about me. I want my instant gratification now.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
I have to shit. I'll probably do it in my pants. And that's just bad news all around.
—Under Discourse (WOS 16)
He's a little Weltish.
—Nomad (WOS 16)
If he can get into mine, he can get into yours.
—Porcine Sculptor (WOS 16)
Sometimes I just get to teaching to fast.
—Loco Motion (WOS 16)
Bad taste is always in style.
—ManToy (WOS 16)
You're just leading me down the primrose path of confusion.
—Jbrained (WOS 16)
You know, the dentist who does the puppet shows.
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 16)
I don’t care enough to be a bean connoisseur.
—Wife of Floor Skinner (WOS 16)
You found my unexposed goat!?
—Joe Flash (WOS 16)
That made me a huge lick recycler.
—fat bottom provider (WOS 16)
How can two whisks disappear …you got all that from a shoe?
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 16)
You’re very observant, but only when it comes to cats.
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 16)
I just want to serve in the least demonic capacity
—Joe Flash (WOS 16)
This pipe’s just not made for liquid.
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 16)
I have high cookie integrity.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 16)
Screw the rainbow, I want my hat back.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 16)
It came from the depths of the nasties.
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 16)
Does the sound make you feel cold?
—Joe Flash (WOS 16)
Choosing the spices is bigger than me.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 16)
Makes me feel like my armpits are choking
—the quiet one until… (WOS 16)
What if fat was a condiment?
—fat bottom provider (WOS 16)
Yup, that’s my dad, using his vacation time to seek out alternate energy sources.
—The Baby Satter (WOS 16)
You mean as he blankets me with his flesh?
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 16)
Does my forehead smell medicinal?
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 16)
That’s why I was always babysitting on Friday nights…I couldn’t make a monkey penis.
—The Baby Satter (WOS 16)
When you’re in Africa everyone watches you shower.
—Miss AMEX (WOS 16)
I wanna be focused entirely on this project and feel like the studio is made of marshmallows and there are little bunnies hopping around.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 16)
Don't walk through my mind with your dirty feet.
—Saluki (WOS 15)
I don’t eat anything that can taste me back.
—Ringtop (WOS 15)
I’ve got to go to sleep with this head, you know.
—Soul of McGee (WOS 15)
I can’t count. That’s why I’m in sales.
—NoInCasa (WOS 15)
It just makes me want to jig in my thong(s).
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
We use Ostrich Technology to secure my company. If I can’t see you looking through my files, then you’re not there.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
Sheesh... MS Word says that's a 'fragmented sentence'. I got your fragment right here, Bill Gates…
—Perspective (WOS 15)
He makes Mr. Rogers look like The Punisher.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
I was a better lover when I cared about people.
—The Watcher (WOS 15)
It's hard to climb the ladder when you're busy climbing the pole.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
She’s a different kind of three-holer.
—Under Discourse (WOS 15)
It took a long time to get your infection out of my head.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
Did you ever notice that Dr. Pepper has a subtle aftertaste of insecticide?
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
Friends are like trees. Some are tall, like the redwoods in California. Some are seasonal, like the ones that are amazing in the fall. But they’re all wonderful.
—Fractalito (WOS 15)
There's no future in blue collar or pole dancing.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
Some days I just wash up on the shores of jade.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
You are like the Andes. You don’t come across them very often, but when you do, they’re huge.
—Fractalito (WOS 15)
Ex-stripper, lesbian pre-school teachers give new meaning to Finding Nemo.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
Bikes are like a kid’s Doorway to Freedom.
—Gaea (WOS 15)
I don’t keep track of corporate deaths. That’s not my department.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
Am I going to another funeral? I guess so. It’s a perk of the job.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
I’m a dollar store whore.
—the acadienne canadienne (WOS 15)
Life is always one day at a time. Any more than that would be hard to fit into one day.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Listen, glass bottles are not a sustainable weapon for continued combat use. And I will go on the record with that.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Your new title should be Director of Defensive Marketing.
—Disgruntled Coffee Break (WOS 15)
We kind of suck at the by-laws.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 15)
He’s a zombie piñata.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
I am anti-butchering.(On a purely professional, liberal-I-wouldn’t-dream-of-judging-you basis, of course.)
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
But to your parents, whom you love, and who have helped you so often, you try perhaps hardest not to fall down.
—Ian (WOS 15)
I have developed a real fondness for pickles. They are the only vegetable readily accessible in your refrigerator over time, kept fresh by a process I call “pickling”.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
See, it’s just better if I am always thinking about cunnilingus.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 15)
It’s like being a vampire. Like, you die and then… Oh. Wait. No, it’s nothing like that.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 15)
There are only so many dogs you can fit in the front seat of a Honda Civic.
—Chinin Myrrh (WOS 15)
He's the worst kind of bad boy - cynical, sardonic and sneeringly disdainful.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
Well, most risen demons are really chipper.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 15)
This pistachio nut pudding looks good. Oh. Wait. That’s macaroni and cheese.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
Hey, the road to success is paved with failure. But then again, so is the road to failure.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
I smell dead people.
—Ringtop (WOS 15)
I just noticed. Everybody's naming their new babies with last names; especially presidents.
—Geluk (WOS 15)
Drunkenness can be beautiful like photography. The snapshot/synaptic-catchup moments can have perceptive intensity that really experiences where you are.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
Canada is the shit.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
The new tech grenade is also not a sustainable combat weapon when used as designed.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
My kitty is tickling me.
—KC Capers (WOS 15)
That man just injured himself on a pastry.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
I oscillate between rage, indifference, apathy, and depression. Occasionally, I enjoy myself.
—Heinlein (WOS 15)
Yes, except Oregon. They do in fact control the entire world.
—EDUBetterBeGood (WOS 15)
I prefer the term "sexual connoisseur" to "pervert".
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
This is sort of like a cropduster with a drunk pilot flying backwards... I'm not really sure if it's going to take off.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 15)
Smell you later, housefrau.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
He is back-alley hero.
—Hahn (WOS 15)
I need a cat. Male. Uncut. Now.
—Oxnard Ramshackle (WOS 15)
I’ve never seen killing quite so thorough.
—Hahn (WOS 15)
That pig can MOVE.
—Cartok (WOS 15)
You WILL teach me, old man.
—Raven (WOS 15)
Black has never been whiter than it is right now.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 15)
Laugh it up, swineholt!
—Felix Loman (WOS 15)
Chock it up to cultural differences. Hope this five hundred makes it alright.
—Oxnard Ramshackle (WOS 15)
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I woke up even stupider than normal.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 15)
Wow. It’s like a flytrap for business cards.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
Is it just me, or does it bother anyone else when some old lady is asking you, “Do you take cream with that?”
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
You can have some more lettuce if you eat some more pizza.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
I’d like to see if we can enjoy some mutual circadian rhythms during one night cycle.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
We don't want to feed the baby till it throws up, but we do want it to grow.
—White Elder (WOS 15)
That reminds me of an amoeba I used to know. She split, and said, Hey, it’s good for me.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
By the time I’d let it cool, it was cold.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
That has got to be the worst testicle I’ve ever gotten my mouth around.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 15)
She nosed you like a fine Scotch.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m like a monkey with a tool, man.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
In the land of Bedtimes, I have gone beyond.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
An ejaculation does not count as a beat, Brad.
—Geluk (WOS 15)
No Brads were harmed in the making of this quote.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
Get out of my way, you motherloving piece of goat trash.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Pussy is the lowest common denominator.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 15)
Make the beds ready! I shall go get my eyes.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I have a lot pressures. But I have no excuses.
—Heinlein (WOS 15)
Bang the wife. Kill the wife. Make up with the husband. That’s what I always say.
—kurtz (WOS 15)
It’s great when you can wince in any language.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I just don’t like bringing strange people to my house. --How do you know they’re strange? You don’t know them, you’re just having sex with them.
—KC Capers (WOS 15)
It’s like, to hell with the baskets, really.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
Because you know, some clitorises are not man-shaped.
—Shtuffy (WOS 15)
Hey, I’m shimmery.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
Prejudices should really be explored rather than just taken for granted.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
His brain is fun to dance around in.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
He’s just liberal for the chicks.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
I will say this. Princesses never become queens.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
I have led a life largely delivered from evil.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’ve got to start doing something that pays.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
My interpretation of New York is a human zoo in a concrete jungle.
—Callcenter Calla (WOS 15)
I’m a sucker for trucker drugs.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Never decorate on depression and an unemployment budget. You’ll come out with some mystifying shit.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
The ladies can’t resist the harmonica.
—Cool Fury (WOS 15)
All I can say is that it’s been one rough fucking year by the Jewish calendar.
—Lawrence (WOS 15)
You’re quite well-spoken for an American, aren’t you?
—The English Girl (WOS 15)
I call it “boyfriend residue”. You know, like those certain songs; that one garment that you don’t know what to do with but can’t bear to throw away.
—Special Fruit (WOS 15)
Perhaps the process of running abreast of alienation everywhere illustrates something.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
The boys locker room mentality has just become cell-enabled from the urinal.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
The first few seconds of a song determine if it is going to give one the excuse to flee the dance floor.
—Lawrence (WOS 15)
I didn’t really make it out alive.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
There is fresh air; even when there isn’t.
—Once and Future Mission (WOS 15)
He was the sort of guy to feel special for having received Eucharist in the Grand Duomo. It’s not like it’s that hard. I mean, they’re giving out the stuff for free.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
The epic just stains everything.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
You’re a hardcore athlete in the sport of pregnancy.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Make them almost all happy.
—Once and Future Mission (WOS 15)
The newer one is older.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
Even pre-butt problems, you still stored a lot of shit in your ass.
—Geluk (WOS 15)
There is some peace in seeing this dilemma. Perhaps it accepts the need to let go of dreams, foreseeing clearly never being able to live them out happily.
—Lawrence (WOS 15)
Losing love is like driving further and further out of a radio frequency, still trying to hear a crackling song through mixed signals.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
The cycle is round.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
Convert work into pleasure.
—Once and Future Mission (WOS 15)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Salvation comes for different people in different places. For some, it’s behind the wheel.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
Popular culture has taught me I can have everything, and believing it has cost me everything I own.
—The Wooly (WOS 15)
Sometimes Mommy brings home the metaphorical bacon.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
There’s no rhythmic shit coming out my ass.
—KC Capers (WOS 15)
I got myself a little curiosity about her calapigeosity.
—Echt Niemand (WOS 15)
See, it’s kind of hard to party and be a Jew.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
If I’ve been viewed 2,552 times by women all over the world and I haven’t connected… Well, that’s a bad sign, tops.
—Heinlein (WOS 15)
After working with hormonal 5th graders 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I just don't have the time or the patience for any type of emotional-fuckwittage.
—CityGirl (WOS 15)
I will be taking care to avoid any glitter injuries before bed.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I want you to chew my bacca.
—Frida Gretchen Margaret (WOS 15)
It’s because anything that’s fried and has cheese is awesome.
—Likened Cousin, Spice Removed (WOS 15)
People say they were scarred by childhood. I have been far more traumatized by my adult life.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Why? There are no why’s. We make the why.
—Ian (WOS 15)
Screw you, you old goat chaser.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 15)
He's just trying to masturbate us again. I think I can feel a vague yanking.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 15)
We won't miss Bennett as much as you think. His skills can be duplicated by Tam and Hatchet...but without the attitude.
—MauChurl (WOS 15)
Your guy is praying? You want to cast Bless? You can make it REAL instead of flapping your ass.
—Silvery Sayer (WOS 15)
Chill out. Being a rager takes great discipline. With great power comes great responsibility.
—Groklok (WOS 15)
What are you, Spiderman?
—Hatchet Sweetfeet (WOS 15)
I don't think that an evil character in our party would work well. You really like evil, don't you? I think...don't you think that you are, in your deep soul, evil in real life? What do you think?
—Groklok (WOS 15)
All of your words are nothing. They don't mean anything.
—Hatchet Sweetfeet (WOS 15)
Well, that's the problem with belief systems. They can be shattered in one chaotic moment.
—Groklok (WOS 15)
Oh, deux ex machina! FINALLY!
—Groklok (WOS 15)
I'm feeling a hate crime coming on right now.
—Silvery Sayer (WOS 15)
In the real world, if you get hit with a machete, there’s a moment when you stop and say, “My GOD, I’ve been hit with a machete!”
—DC Central Zombie Survivor (WOS 15)
I’ve gotta go build a sheep empire this weekend.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I just came back to share your hand with you.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
If you get her naked, I’ll feed her.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 15)
Those Jews, they’re hard to nail down.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
I mean, you get your hands on a German at about sixteen years old, and you’ve got your hands full.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 15)
We Germans, you know, we pay tribute, but we don’t go all the way with those Irish.
—Gwok (WOS 15)
Ahh… Everyone remembers their first pepper gas experience.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
It was like Saving Private Ryan for girls.
—Heinlein (WOS 15)
I try to err on the side of relativism.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I don’t have the time, energy or support to take anti-depressant drugs. So, I will stick with the more readily available and socially acceptable ones.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
It’s on its way to being a yodel.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You want tickets to the GUN show??? [Insert a kiss to the arm flex here.]
—Zhuici (WOS 15)
I just put my tongue in to keep it from coming until it’s ready.
—Zhuici (WOS 15)
I am torn between alternate worlds of eraser nipples and jungle sex.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Men and women complicate each other because they are exactly the same.
—Zhuici (WOS 15)
You know, there’s also whiskeyclit. Like, dead fish, okay?
—Zhuici (WOS 15)
If there’s grass on the plain, it’s play ball, you know what I mean?
—Zhuici (WOS 15)
Does this make me look dead?
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You mean like tag team stalking?
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I accept input as long as you’re putting in.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
That’s Reason Number 178 not to be involved in shady drug deals.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 15)
Wouldn't it be funny if Darth Vader had a coffee mug that said, “Galaxy's Greatest Dad”?
—Electric Boy (WOS 15)
My dad conquered the galaxy and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
—Dynamic (WOS 15)
You told me to keep you updated. Just so you know, I am working with my weight integrated buoyancy compensator.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
That just goes to show you should never marry a woman who knows too much about temples, huh, Dad?
—Loki's Little Cherub (WOS 15)
You’re never too small to be shot.
—Loki's Little Cherub (WOS 15)
Scars are ripe for the proverb-making.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
Shtick rocks.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
Mmm...stalkables. what a great term I just coined..
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I just experienced the shocking realization of knowing other people I pretend don’t exist have poured over these same words with eyes and mind and imagination enthralled. Books, like the moon, can force you to realize you are entwined to others, no matter where they are.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
What kind of flowers do you send for a broken dick?
—Java Girl (WOS 15)
These are the sorts of things that stick in your mind when you are melting a urinal cake.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 15)
When I have my penis in my hand, it’s not a good time to strike up new friendships.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 15)
You don’t want to cross paths with the other guy who was shitting when you were.
—Nordic Nonchalance (WOS 15)
I’m on antihistamines. I can’t be held responsible.
—Soul of McGee (WOS 15)
But I forgot I was in America and I'm not Britney spears.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I just want to make sure… right now… that you are mentally sound.
—Saluki (WOS 15)
Tic-Tac. It’s like the small guy who will never come, and wants to spend the night.
—Ms. Spy (WOS 15)
You can work at love but you can’t make yourself fall into it.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
It’s been a long time since I’ve been chased by Asians.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
I’m finding that women are… A big disappointment. (Perhaps the feeling’s mutual.)
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Our new slogan should be: “You’ve got questions? So do we.”
—MeatGrinder Platoon (WOS 15)
Belinda Carlisle is a sheep singer.
—the acadienne canadienne (WOS 15)
I don’t think a sane health care plan and gay rights is terrorism. Yet.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You know. I'm hot, you're hot. And we'll have sex to show we don't care about each other. Just to show you what you’re missing.
—Mending Borders (WOS 15)
By the way, 2 weeks of vaca is not supposed to mean 2 weeks of cow. I thought I should say so, in case there was any confusion.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
Watch out or I will sit on your face and I haven’t shaved and you won’t like it.
—Coc Kim (WOS 15)
I was hideous, seriously. You wouldn’t let your dog fuck me.
—Coc Kim (WOS 15)
By the way. I wish you great luck with your new venture. I’m sure you will make it a success. I only have one question… Who is going to protect me now?
—The Middle Man (WOS 15)
I mean... It’s nipply outside even when its not nippy outside.
—the acadienne canadienne (WOS 15)
I love me my Yoda.
—Misseyes (WOS 15)
So this guy was plastered, and he and his buddy go outside and prop their arms up against a barn to pee. And one turns to the other and says, “Hey, can you tell me when I’m done?”
—The Middle Man (WOS 15)
I would rather just be with a girl who recognizes that she has emotional needs.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Make-up sex and angry sex are usually two totally different things... Except when makeup sex actually is a transition of the same angry sex. Which is the exception to the earlier rule.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
You don’t want to be mesmerized by the bullshit.
—White Elder (WOS 15)
Fuck that canoe. It’s a metaphor for life.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
Man cannot live on mudslides and electrocution alone.
—Koala Cat (WOS 15)
No, man, it’s tough being black.
—Vaughn Masters (WOS 15)
I’m not opposed to PDA – I just prefer to be involved.
—The Watcher (WOS 15)
Scrotum is a theme.
—ManToy (WOS 15)
And then sometimes break-up sex is that rational, reasonable, mature response of both of you realizing it really was best to go your separate ways, but for crying out loud, you're going to miss the sex, so why not just get one more before you're out the door?
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I would say “pay special attention to the balls” because this will be the last time they’ll be all yours.
—ManToy’s Old Man (WOS 15)
Oh, man. I’ve got carpal tunnel from stacking all my chips.
—That Southern Gentleman (WOS 15)
I want my illusions back!
—Two-Who-Pledges (WOS 15)
It wasn’t good coffee. But it was a good coffee experience.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m don’t know about that. I think I will let time just flow and see.
—Electric Boy (WOS 15)
My daughter just became my George Michael move-buster proxy.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
I think lust is where it all starts.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
It’s like a meth lab for coffee.
—Cool Fury (WOS 15)
Oh, yeah, man. Anytime anybody gets laid, that’s a good time.
—Young Bucks of Training (WOS 15)
That was a good movie. No impregnating truck drivers, though, which may have been its downfall with the award nominations.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
They called me Master Yoda. I was their master. I didn’t like it very much, but I lived to play with them.
—Electric Boy (WOS 15)
Cell phones are like urban walkie-talkies.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
My new rule is whenever I try something and it makes me want to eat myself, I should probably buy it.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
The moral of that story is: don’t wait on beer.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
The annoying thing about freedom is the amount of time it takes to make it work to your advantage.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
It was a fiesta of implication.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
I don’t sweat. I hydrate the surrounding terrain.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Ok, your family invented the English language. Before that, we all just stood around and stared at each other.
—Ringtop (WOS 15)
Damn. I hoped I was better than your local stalkables.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I guess things are pretty slow in nunville.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 15)
Everything your father says is not worthy of worldwide recognition.
—Gwok (WOS 15)
Every landing is a controlled crash.
—White Elder (WOS 15)
It’s like Sonic for Ramen.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Death by bling. Ouch.
—Cairo (WOS 15)
Well, some crazy shit happens when you’re drunk.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
That lighted princess carriage is hideous. It’s exactly like Carmen Electra.
—Smoking Democrat (WOS 15)
Be careful. Watch out, lady, this wood is soft.
—Saluki (WOS 15)
The perfect man would have Prince’s and Yoda’s mind, Lenny Kravitz’s body, and Carlos Santana’s and Bob Marley’s spirituality.
—Misseyes (WOS 15)
It’s poker at the insane asylum.
—That Southern Gentleman (WOS 15)
Wait. You mean someone has to pay for me to watch?
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
See that? The reflexes of an REM fan.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
Figured it sounded better than, “Yeehaw, you eStud!"
—Capitalizing Venturist (WOS 15)
It would be different if we had an arrangement. But here's the deal. I'm not an everyday guy.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
Somebody – light your hair on fire.
—Smoking Democrat (WOS 15)
Old, dead, blind and black is very hot right now.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I want a ticket to the Yimmy and Jugs hot tub show.
—Smoking Democrat (WOS 15)
Hey. I’m working the jug here.
—Cairo (WOS 15)
Yeah, well, I used to be the funny one. Then I married YOU.
—Smoking Democrat (WOS 15)
No, I love the actor… but I’m just saying… to me, he acts as a foil to everyone else.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
Any more hair on the chest than that and you’d have to do manscaping.
—DB Steve (WOS 15)
Evil people only like attack dogs… And cats.
—Geluk (WOS 15)
Better to have done it wrong than to have sat on your ass scared of doing it wrong. That’s your insurance clause for “everything’s possible”, don’t ya see? Most people don’t have the spiritual finances to back that kind of premium.
—Jules 2 (WOS 15)
Life’s a lot like those trains you were telling me about in Holland. You have to remember to be on time for the train to Amsterdam, be ready for getting off at Amersfoort to board for Rotterdam so that you can get off early and reach your destination of Utrecht.
—Jules 2 (WOS 15)
And, I don’t mean no tip-toeing through the tuplips, either.
—Vincent 2 (WOS 15)
Listen, I’ve got to go to Parents’ Fair Share.
—Novel Ideas (WOS 15)
This is my Pavarotti cowboy song.
—Irish Soul Man (WOS 15)
I hate it when my appliances talk back.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m a little like a sumo - but with a little less belly and a lot less muscle. There are trade-offs.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m a sucker for Brussel sprouts.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
This is my Christ pose. Whaddya think?
—Heinlein (WOS 15)
There’s always a little IRA in the building.
—Irish Soul Man (WOS 15)
I thought it was Irish aerobics.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Hey, you. You’re way too married.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
I have a keen sense of the obvious. (And this is just one of those things.)
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 15)
I’m gonna fall asleep if I don’t start drinking.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
It’s always like that; you get something out and it’s a buttload of incoming.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 15)
When I eat at McDonalds, I feel like a new superhero called Captain Sodium.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You know – the serial killer that sounds like a sandwich.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
He's in the complaint business. It's a growth industry.
—White Elder (WOS 15)
Ahhhh. Water – nectar of the gods. Well… Maybe not. But it could be the antidote.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
Well, did you look, or did you just holler?
—Somebody's Mother (WOS 15)
I was a vegetarian for eight years. Then I got hungry.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
We’re all in trouble when the Methodists start revolting.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
We want to know to what lengths they went to secure their humiliation.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 15)
You know, she’s one of those angry underwear models.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
Man, I never get the credit for things I don’t make up.
—The Lesbian And The Straight Guy (WOS 15)
You never know when the penguin is listening.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 15)
You always perk up at The Hooters.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 15)
TNT is the beatch, isn’t it?
—Gwok (WOS 15)
Undead are sort of like pizza. Even when they’re bad, they’re usually kind of good.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
It doesn’t take that much to invest heavily in India.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
I can drink through the whole week if I have to.
—Hothouse (WOS 15)
Tater tots are like mobile hash browns.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Not me. I place a high value on idle hands.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
What can I say? You evoke clichés.
—hg (WOS 15)
I bet no one ever stopped dating you because of the sex, huh?
—Red Researcher (WOS 15)
That’s good enough… Damn near make a man forget the sticky on his shoes.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
Large print giveth, small print taketh away.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
You been busier than a 2-peckered goat.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
No shame in a booster chair, man.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
They all saw what Rock ‘n Roll audiology MEANS, my friend.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
Well, you know, you make your bed, you lie in it. I mean eventually you get up and leave, but still…
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
It’s those damned Euros. They’re attacking our culture with that Bob the Builder.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
That’s pretty much my whole philosophy on life – You can drink your way through it.
—Hothouse (WOS 15)
Sometimes you had to walk on your hands if you didn’t have legs.
—Cool Fury (WOS 15)
I’m going to go sit on your couch and let it eat me.
—Henrietta (WOS 15)
At some point I decided… If I’m going to feel like such shit doing this, I’m going to be doing this fewer hours per day.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
What’s it matter if I try or not? Hmmm… What would it be like not trying? I never tried not trying.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
It turns out that we think I have the “Jumping Frenchman of Maine Disorder”.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
Chicken quotes follow me.
—Soulful Irish (WOS 15)
She sucked on my brain cells when she was developing.
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 15)
No, sorry, you’ll have to pick something you don’t want for us not to deliver it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 15)
I COULD live in a yurt. But I will do with a yurt to visit on occasion.
—The White Dove (WOS 15)
From time to time I’ve been known to pop up and squeeze your inner lobe.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
That needs to go on my chicken fridge.
—Soulful Irish (WOS 15)
Most of the yurts we’ve looked into (in our yurt shopping) are not house-appealing.
—ManToy (WOS 15)
There’s nothing worse than getting a duck when you were wanting a chicken.
—Soulful Irish (WOS 15)
…So, back to the yurt.
—ManToy (WOS 15)
You never forget how to ride a bicycle. It’s the same with beer.
—A Sage of Dowd (WOS 15)
Proposing is almost like an out of body experience.
—Saluki (WOS 15)
You know all guys have this point of drunkenness where we start to sound like sportcasters.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 15)
People who have babies are great. I mean, you know, they’re parents. But have you ever tried to sit down and get through a conversation with these people?
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You’re NOT the boss of my workshop, DAD.
—Loki's Little Cherub (WOS 15)
The closest I get to sitting still and thinking is when I’m driving a long time to somewhere else.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I could explain it, but it would take five years, so just do it.
—Ucitelka the Jazyk Mistress (WOS 15)
I feel a sudden new resurgence of The South.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You know, discerning thing about chickens is…
—Soulful Irish (WOS 15)
Don’t deny the groove thing.
—Down to Earth Countries (WOS 15)
Sometimes the infinity of possibility doesn’t seem enough.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m one of those people who tries to be reliable but isn’t.
—Queen of Cups (WOS 15)
I’m going into Saluki overload here.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You know you want ‘em. And you know they’re below the dough.
—Clinton Auctioneer (WOS 15)
Oh, that note? At one time it was a week’s menu. Then it just became a reminder that I should cook – or at least eat prepossessed frozen food.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
It’ll be a cold day in hell when I recognize Missouri as a state.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
She put cocaine in my massage oil, I’m telling you.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
When you are over, you keep forgetting.
—Ian (WOS 15)
It came by its wang honestly is what you’re saying.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
There’s a lesson there to keep some of the cheaper stuff around for those female urges… Like to cook something with bourbon.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 15)
You can’t run over love.
—Shatterbox (WOS 15)
Speaking of slapping it around, I get to go to the bathroom.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
They actually have this feral pig in a pen with piglets and boars coming over for conjugal visits?
—Perspective (WOS 15)
Yeah, they’re like the chicken of the trees.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
In fact, their whole island’s on an island.
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
Puerto Rico is where you go for fish and malls.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
You mean in the dining evolution there was no layover at chopsticks or anything?
—LA3 (WOS 15)
That’s my roommate. He’s laidback. Very cool. Would sell me out in a minute. Love him.
—Some Guy At Perkins (WOS 15)
He is the common man’s Hugh Grant.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
This whole mission has been rather aimless. Like an Easter Egg hunt back in Hell.
—RRUnited (WOS 15)
Dude. Clingy’s good in a waitress.
—Perspective (WOS 15)
The incense overtakes me.
—Henrietta (WOS 15)
I’m sure if you grew something, you’d touch it.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I think drunkards are pretty innocent.
—Henrietta (WOS 15)
That’s when you take the summer off and DON’T go to Tallequah.
—Geluk (WOS 15)
There’s good crazy and bad crazy. Surround yourself with good crazy. Don’t hang out with bad crazy.
—Henrietta (WOS 15)
He already saw it because we’re all asses.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 15)
It deals with the supernatural in a non-natural way.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 15)
I’ve got to write down these pearls you swine have passed on to me.
—The QuoteKeeper (WOS 15)
You even get to take a break from an obsession once in awhile.
—Henrietta (WOS 15)
What do I think of her being pregnant? Well, it’s great! It’d be awfully hard to have a baby if she weren’t.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
You can’t infect yourself when you’re already infected with yourself.
—Ian (WOS 15)
But when we cease to dream, everything is merely illusion.
—Ian (WOS 15)
Hair products are cool.
—Lupine Lifeline (WOS 15)
It takes a special kind of Jew to sing Ludacris.
—ManToy (WOS 15)
It happens in the light.
—ManToy (WOS 15)
Don’t hate the hater. Play the game.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 15)
Bag pipes have a really unique sound. Like a chainsaw going through a duck.
—The Balladeer (WOS 15)
I don’t want to be with a bald man. Does that make me shallow?
—The Eye In the Storm (WOS 15)
My vagina has a lot of tissue I don’t need.
—Scotch Oklahoman (WOS 15)
It was rippling with dissonant irony.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
It may be madness but it is NOT folly.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 15)
Line dancing is like masturbating.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
I’m a goddam queer. Go dance with her.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
They used not to know what to do with crazy people. So they’d chain them to a wall without any clothes on… There are people who’ll pay good money for that now.
—The Balladeer (WOS 15)
My job is kind of like juggling sand in a sandstorm.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
The problem with those goth guys is when they bury their face in the pillow, they leave all that makeup on it. What, am I fucking Gene Simmons?
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
My choo-choo is gone. It’s past.
—Henrietta (WOS 15)
My job is kind of like playing Galaga all day long. But you have rocks instead of space canons. And you have to make the rocks yourself.
—Loco Motion (WOS 15)
This salad looks good. Oh. Wait. That’s pasta.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
Who wants to come to a trucker party? I’m driving!
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
I cannot take care of babies. I can only walk around in circles and drink beer.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 15)
Oh, my stupidity will not stop the truth.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
That’s because I rubbed her.
—35 Tulips (WOS 15)
I don’t want to hum. I can’t whistle.
—Random Bonfires (WOS 15)
That’s total rejection… When you can’t even get yourself off.
—Red Researcher (WOS 15)
I am pretty accustomed to getting my way with myself.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m pretty much good as long as there’s a cock involved.
—Scotch Oklahoman (WOS 15)
Some of my best friends are racist.
—KC Capers (WOS 15)
Oh, that guy DOES have teeth.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
So, gastro-intestinally, you’re almost there.
—CO (WOS 15)
What Would Jared Do?
—the dark penguin (WOS 15)
I’m going to call in beleaguered.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I’m going to be a beer-drinking target… That’ll make me easier to hit.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
I make Coke-ham.
—CO (WOS 15)
My cheeks, my cheeks, I’ve lost control of my cheeks!
—Midnight in the Garden of Chaos and Weasels (WOS 15)
Pharmatherapeutical protocols are the norm in Alpheville, citizen.
—Midnight in the Garden of Chaos and Weasels (WOS 15)
There’s some dadgum chemical reaction going on right now.
—Midnight in the Garden of Chaos and Weasels (WOS 15)
I don’t need your help, you red fuckstick. I can read it myself.
—Midnight in the Garden of Chaos and Weasels (WOS 15)
I’m not going into those wolfy crevasses.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 15)
That wasn’t a MANT hold, it was pain compliance.
—Dr. Theodore Strange (WOS 15)
God was the first real granola, really.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
I’ve got my own little dipthong.
—KC Capers (WOS 15)
We’ll talk about that later. When you’re older or more dead.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
I can pick up all sorts of shit with my toes.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 15)
I’m like the god of the crickets. Except I don’t like them like God likes people.
—KC Capers (WOS 15)
Sex is like a pat on the ass.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 15)
We’ve got some trans fats here.
—Geluk (WOS 15)
Mmm… Eighty percent chance of getting some gastro-intestinal anomaly.
—Nomad (WOS 15)
Dominate us with your ideas.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
I’m not going to stop it till you go!
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 15)
Oh yeah, you wouldn’t know, Angel Eyes, because you’ve never even seen it.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 15)
I like these cowboys who appreciate a little calf.
—Sesame Side (WOS 15)
It was one of those bathrooms that’s been sanitized to smell like Froot Loops.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 15)
I don’t recommend painting your dining room naked. It’s like frying bacon.
—Red Researcher (WOS 15)
Scrubbing your nipples is not a pleasant experience, I’m telling you.
—Red Researcher (WOS 15)
I’m all about dominating. It’s a thing that I do.
—MizLaughing the Unstoppable (WOS 15)
Let’s just say bacon. Greasy and if you have too much, you get sick.
—Fight Club (WOS 15)
I have all kinds of crazy face-control.
—Bobthulu (WOS 15)
I’m always centrally located.
—MizLaughing the Unstoppable (WOS 15)
I’m such a bad cook, I’ve been known to burn water.
—Braids (WOS 15)
I can find a lot of things for you to do. Woman-wise.
—Buddychick (WOS 14)
You make movie stars of people.
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 14)
Many people say appreciating classical music requires a certain maturity. Now that I've aged to being sufficiently emotionally disturbed, I find myself better able to appreciate it as beautiful nonsense, like a reflection of the world. A parade of the absurd. Maybe that's what they mean.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
I have to muster apathy.
—Renny Cashier (WOS 14)
What is it about night that does this to me? Why will this never be recorded? Why will this sink into the nothingness of memory?
—Lawrence (WOS 14)
College books just turn me on.
—Lawrence (WOS 14)
I have mixed feelings about the loss of the human guinea pig gig.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
Cuz that's the fatalistic moment at which you are forever now.
—Prashanth II (WOS 14)
I started working so early, I had to change my own diapers.
—Bob Herself (WOS 14)
It is imperative that you see the wang.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
What does 'pale blue collar' mean? Is he shoveling coal into the furnace that powers a Xerox machine or what?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I'm the High Beastess.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
Rene Descartes was just the Zoolander of his time.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
There's nothing quite like feeling like a mack truck.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
Goatees really only work for guys without discernible features. You know: clump-face.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
Goatees stylize a face that really had nothing going for it in the first place?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
It's not like there aren't things going on in beer.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I was shuttling all around, but not outside of the box. I needed out.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
There's just no getting around it -- scotch always has a wang to it.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I am enjoying the Pageantry of Life.
—Lawrence (WOS 14)
I've got enough character to start a whole 'nuther person.
—Renny Cashier (WOS 14)
When you let guys vacuum, anything's possible.
—Compulsive Manager (WOS 14)
Men disparage. It's what we do.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
As you get older, you start to see more people who make you think of unplaceable people you once knew.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
My best chance of surviving you is if I can forget you ever existed.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
We sold out every night in europe.
—Two-Pints Guvna (WOS 14)
You know, like when you're too cool to be anything but an acronym.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
It was totally Ground Hog Day. Every day in the van, going, your life becomes just getting to the next town on time, every day.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
I just bring out your juxtapositions.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
And the DJ found that magic song, at that magic point in the evening, and the nervously desolate dance floor was awash with happy, reclaiming revelers.
—The Watcher (WOS 14)
Using the force of your will to pretend you are your own umbrella will not keep you from getting pneumonia.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
Well, you know, if the lubrication fits…
—Nomad (WOS 14)
His mother found his childhood carnage?
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
I will kill you until you die from it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
It's a book on homophobia and its systemic evils. Good stuff. Like pork chops and bacon, if you know what I mean.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
A man said to me once, "Women all seem to want men who treat them badly. I feel like if I treat a woman well, she will leave me." And I said, "Well, let's say that's true. Every woman in the world will abandon you if you treat them decently. Will you?"
—Gaycynic (WOS 14)
Some days you want to build or create. But some days you just can't get far enough away.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
That bourbon tastes like Atchison smells.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
Details are forthcoming as they come forth.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
Yes, I am money, there is no denying it. The bank account and debts are mere technicalities which certain types might choose to read to the contrary, but the beauty of faith is its transforming power to claim its own reality.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Well, you know, you have to try everything once. Then, well… Again.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
I am becoming a human filter for alcohol.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
My heart is not for sale anymore.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
I prefer to have a receptacle for my lust.
—The Watcher (WOS 14)
Don't carry the two. It's always a mistake.
—Cool Fury (WOS 14)
Religious salvation is a morally flawed concept.
—Ian (WOS 14)
Why does God want a basket of eggs? What's he going to do with it?
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
Don't be such a hair tyrant.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
My mom's one of those Russian, beret-wearing, boiling-water-drinking type people.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
Funny how romance comes in spurts.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
That's sick-witted.
—Cool Fury (WOS 14)
When I go to the Big House? I am expecting my own house. I don't do "community living".
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
Light and subtle, but "wafting" over the meadow may to be too strong a verb.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
You don't want to ever forget it, and no woman does, either. I have my sausage.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
He turned up his French nose at it, but then he opened up his mouth... And drank.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
You smoked all that crack and didn't save me any?
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
I don't smoke. I can't say that word.
—Lofted Voice the Oktoberfest Girl (WOS 14)
Your passing days are over, boy.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 14)
She's very vain. I like that in a woman.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
I am trembling inside... I feel not quite faint but approaching the periphery of reality.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
First, believe the best about people. Second, never trust them to do what they should.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I'd like to be here when the plumber gets here so I can cast him evil glances.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
I'm just curious if you'd have time to trim my naked ears.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
I am not high maintenance. People just look at me and make that assumption for some reason.
—Christmas (WOS 14)
That liquor-then-beer, beer-then-liquor stuff... It's like nursery rhymes for adolescents.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Dammit, where did I go?
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
I began to see that I was a non-exempt temp emp.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Let's play crotch scrabble.
—KC Capers (WOS 14)
No problem. Every woman's gray hair needs rubbing once in awhile.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 14)
You know, when you get to a certain age, and you've been around the barn a few times.. You should be able to be yourself.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
You know, I see what you're saying about women supposed to live up to this whole "nympho-around-the-house" thing.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I'm thinking that you and I are really fairly different from each other. But I was thinking that we could be sort of like Samuel L. Jackson. You know, get into adventures together, " like Cain in Kung Fu."
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 14)
I do not heal by standing around and picking at the scab. You put a fucking band-aid on it and leave.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
No one I know pees more than me.
—Christmas (WOS 14)
Nobody stays poked. And we shouldn't. If we did, nobody'd keep poking us.
—Christmas (WOS 14)
I'd rather be appreciated than respected.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 14)
I'm surprised he even got a picture of you, with your cat-like reflexes.
—Tennessee Skins (WOS 14)
He clicked that bad wammer jammer and I was on the ceiling.
—Submarine Comedian (WOS 14)
We essentially are doing nothing. And getting paid better not to do it then they are to do it.
—KC Ground Sergeants (WOS 14)
What is it about men that makes us think we can outpee the flush?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
It's awfully early in the morning to be using your tongue that way.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
You can't have too good an opinion of yourself. You just can't leave something like that to other people. Well, you can, but it wouldn't be very wise.
—All-Knowing, All-Unhearing (WOS 14)
The sody will live on forever.
—Kernel Com64 (WOS 14)
There's a lot of talent in Texas. And in this bar.
—Prowling Educators (WOS 14)
She had a 0 Wildness Quotient.
—Lone Amazon Star (WOS 14)
Caricature. I don't like that word. It's like a character gone bad.
—Tex Van Dyke (WOS 14)
You mustn't procrastinate about forgetting.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
I get the most quotes, because I'm always there for them.
—The QuoteKeeper (WOS 14)
Curling up inside yourself? Oh, like an implosion for kids.
—Tex Van Dyke (WOS 14)
This is a nun wannabe that needs cloistering. And I'm the monk.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
I'm thankful that my husband has a job and I don't.
—The Sassy Adminstrator (WOS 14)
So true love is the absence of murder.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
I want you to read about sheep manure here, honey.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
I'm already past it and I haven't even done it yet.
—Nobuff's Own Woman (WOS 14)
Okay, Okay, so I was injured in a freak olive jar opening accident. It happens.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
He's a big enough guy that I wouldn't feel comfortable bushwacking him with a baseball bat.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
That's going to be a pain in my psychological butt.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
Wasabe is like a circumcision for your nose.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
LIfe is all about the endless search for cognitive comfort.
—PhD in Exploitation (WOS 14)
Judo is for people without friends. It's all about touch. You know, you're 40 and single, Judo sounds pretty good.
—PhD in Exploitation (WOS 14)
It's spontaneous Saturday night sushi, baby.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
That which does not kill us makes us German.
—PhD in Exploitation (WOS 14)
Of course it was bad. It takes a certain level of stupidity to eat $1 sushi. But I was happy.
—PhD in Exploitation (WOS 14)
The problem with folk singers is they all want to develop.
—PhD in Exploitation (WOS 14)
We bonded over honyokitudinal upbringings.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
I can't take my credit card debt into the desert.
—Joseph Winterspirits (WOS 14)
Principled and intelligent is good. But mixed with hard-to-read and indecisive is weird. But they say weird is a compliment, right?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I just wanted to escape 10am tension, stress and caffeine. I had no idea it would result in 3:36am crappy coffee, Denny's and a grand slam.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I realized also that walking through the freezing cold in the suburbs is not nearly as glamorous and exciting as it is in the city.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I can't be bribed, and I don't know what Chicken Vesuvio is.
—Argosy Chick 21 (WOS 14)
How did I know that was a synagogue? I don't know. I guess my jewdar was going off.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
You know how often I've pushed my cuticles back? Never. And I haven't noticed my quality of life really deteriorating
—Dallas College Station Ball Cap (WOS 14)
Because the thing is, if you can actually eat a burrito the size of your head, you've gotta be pretty fucked up.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
He can be taken out of many women's drains anytime.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 14)
I'm a log launcher, and pretty soon it's going to be all "kilts ahoy!"
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I KNOW some of your dark pastry secrets.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I didn't feel fully comfortable with Rainman spackling the bag.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
We do have a sumo. He's little, and he's blond.
—Jannya (WOS 14)
Thank God it's big, because there's a lot of smell there that I like.
—Miss Construed (WOS 14)
I just found a real nice ass-groove in this stone, and I'm happy about it.
—Perspective (WOS 14)
Yes, my tuchas is in need of shaking soon.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
Mom, Daddy slobbered on my pheasant.
—Loki's Little Cherub (WOS 14)
You two are the family bards.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I was NOT the homecoming queen... I was the floorshow queen. And he admitted I totally carried him on it.
—Christmas (WOS 14)
Sometimes you can have the last word with your silence.
—Ian (WOS 14)
Why is it that the laundry room, the one place solely dedicated to getting things cleaner, is always the dirtiest part of the house?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
This stuff tastes like church coffee.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
It's like entropy just surrounds me as I focus all my energies into calling forth this one small item of order.
—Still Searching (WOS 14)
One of those thin, liberal bitches. You know, the whole package.
—KC Capers (WOS 14)
Please do confirm after submission. Thanks.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
Always eat to the point of fullness that you still want to have sex.
—The Chef of Bountiful Health (WOS 14)
Well, you've got to have people you're better than, don't you? That way you know how cool you are.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
Perfectionism and paranoia aren't a good mix.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
I was frothing at the feral mouth.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Rule number 1: People are stupid. Rule number 2: I am no exception to Rule number 1. Rule number 3: Rules are made to be broken. I try to live by Rule number 3 to counteract rule number 2. I hate it when people live by Rule number 3 in order to prove Rule number 1.
—Husky Coffee Analyst (WOS 14)
The gods of hearing loss smiled upon me that day.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
We didn't have time to let it get old.
—Diametrically Drama (WOS 14)
It's like I'm always telling them -- they're not stains, they're memories.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
Thinking in the shower one evening, I realized: do you want to be the hero or feel like the hero? They're usually two different things.
—Ian (WOS 14)
Yeah, Mom just makes things suck.
—The Queen of Bean (WOS 14)
She's got a sort of tenacious cuteness.
—Perspective (WOS 14)
(Levi?) Oh, no. That gives me the willies. It makes me think of Children of the Corn and Mormons.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
Are you talking to yourself? No, I'm shouting to myself. There's a difference, you know.
—Cockney Fight Club (WOS 14)
I think I shall go to bed, because I have become sufficiently depressed with life. And sleep seems a better alternative to suicide -- it offers hope, doesn't it?
—hg (WOS 14)
Aw, man, now I'll be sucking on squirrel vapors...
—Geluk (WOS 14)
It was a 4-hour action romance where nobody got killed and nobody kissed. You've really got to hand it to those Indians.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Baseball caps forward and back, cowboy hats on Indians, and Jewish profiles. My, how the dancing halls of the new millenium have changed.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Oh yeah, well, I will give any woman 30 seconds of the most memorable 3-inch rabbit thrusts she’s ever had.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
How can you go from line dancing to Shaggy, now I ask you?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Life is hard. Some people can't do it.
—Ian (WOS 14)
I refuse to perform until I am given my proper slather and lather.
—Slathers Huckleberry (WOS 14)
I know the tendencies of your pubic hair.
—The Wooly (WOS 14)
They would be majorly demoralized, especially without someone spitting on them anymore.
—Stripes Morninglord (WOS 14)
You're not cheering on the Licorice.
—Midnight in the Garden of Chaos and Weasels (WOS 14)
I walk in the Light.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
It's a fucking white donkey. Let it go.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
You bring a white donkey to my door in the morning, I know what you're telling me.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
Sometimes the obvious pedophile is the least of your worries.
—Malevolent (WOS 14)
We don't go easy on little lizards.
—Stripes Morninglord (WOS 14)
We are in no mood for the bring-down.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
I Bernie-Mac-slap him.
—Nikolai the Reckless (WOS 14)
I'm tired of the weight and responsibility of not being listened to.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
Hey, share the cabin boy. I have slippers.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
Maybe if it’s possible for you to relax, it’s possible for me not to.
—Erias (WOS 14)
I think impossibility is simply the limits we put upon ourselves in our own minds. If I had listened to impossibility, I never would have been here today.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
Cuz I ain’t goin’ into piracy like the rest of all you sell-outs.
—Nikolai the Reckless (WOS 14)
Some people think that discipline limits you. But it is actually a whole different form of liberation and freedom within yourself.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
I think luck is just a word that we use because we can’t say anything else.
—Rotten-Luck Remy Sharkfin (WOS 14)
I would make my morality more efficient.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
We're all kings, friend, in one moment or another.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
Look at this 60-year-old punk kid thinking he's someBODY!
—Stripes Morninglord (WOS 14)
It's going to be a magically mojo-less night.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
Do we still have our 9 mills?
—Bishop (WOS 14)
I'm feeling a little better, thank you very much, and I have a taste for testicles.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
Nonetheless, I'm still a hero.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
So, we're in the god-making business.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
And I've delivered justice to many fish.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
Perhaps he feared my butler.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
Let's search out another avenue of default, shall we?
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
Sometimes commerce works in mysterious ways.
—Miriam Weatherstaff (WOS 14)
My goddess is Jody Foster.
—Miguel (WOS 14)
It's a standard flankin' plankton job, boys.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
Monkey, squeeze my balls -- QUICK!
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
Damned infernal weed! Off me!
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
To ill effect, indeed. I, for example, am less the beer for it.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
They were a helluva lot more resilient than I wanted to believe they could be.
—Samson (WOS 14)
Dude, you're gonna get dribbled!
—Cross (WOS 14)
Unless you want to Ro Sham Bo for it.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
He's growing. We've got to get out of here before he pops!
—Stripes Morninglord (WOS 14)
He's a gorilla-flavored meat puppet.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
You've got a license to meta-game.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
Let's see what kind of crops we're planting here.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
We're a walking fucking holiday.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
You've got to rule it with an iron fist (inside a velvet glove).
—Phallic Cymbals (WOS 14)
You mean THIS mugger I've never seen?
—Bable (WOS 14)
OO. Wow. That IS thick and rich, isn't it?
—Cross (WOS 14)
Slick move, Ajax.
—Bable (WOS 14)
Put that in your quotebook and smoke it.
—Bable (WOS 14)
This dude doesn't need coffee. He needs to be punished.
—Cross (WOS 14)
There are no payment plans here. The Afterlife is cheap -- you may not make it long.
—Purgatorian (WOS 14)
What's the flavor of that wag?
—Cross (WOS 14)
Ah, what the hell? You only live once when you're dead.
—Bable (WOS 14)
No little kids are starving THIS month.
—Rotten-Luck Remy Sharkfin (WOS 14)
If you are going to suckle at the breast of our creativity, you'd better play by our rules.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
He just laid the dog bitch seed in you.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
What the hell's a wag flavin'? That sounds like some sort of food preservative.
—Bable (WOS 14)
You are such your little son's bitch.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
I was detecting evil, not fondling it.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
And I personally respect all three of you and even you.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
You can buy a hat and get a wooden leg, but that doesn't make you the big pecker.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
I have, umm, no weapons against hornets.
—Rotten-Luck Remy Sharkfin (WOS 14)
That's the thing about my guy: he's really good with his three inches.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
You almost hear his arachnid voice say, "I can't say anything because I'm a spider!"
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
I have little faith in the abilities of fish to get us out of this cage.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
I'm going to hold that in a secured hit point loss location.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
You're like an honorary chit-chit.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
Not all of us have been suckling at the teat of social advantage like the goblin.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
It's some form of otherworldly primal bullshit going on.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
You're like the black biker of FDR's with polio.
—Luciano Ballantine (WOS 14)
Thanks for backing me in your own shitty way.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
Anything that changes the dynamic of death is cool.
—Purgatorian (WOS 14)
Always check your synergies!
—Rotten-Luck Remy Sharkfin (WOS 14)
This is 20 flavors of fucked up, right here.
—Purgatorian (WOS 14)
This is like a Cthulhu spell-casting seminar.
—Bable (WOS 14)
I like to have a wide breadth of plagiarism.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
You smell like cabbage, Ambassador.
—Mangar of the Multeks (WOS 14)
If this sucks, pool’s on you for a week.
—Covenant (WOS 14)
I'll go to Chicago, maybe get me a chick that's not dead.
—Luke The Wheeler (WOS 14)
Leave it to him to play the prostitute card.
—Covenant (WOS 14)
You know, I learned a LOT about splitting up, from watchin' Scoobey Doo.
—Samson (WOS 14)
Listen, ese, no one makes movies about the smart heroes because they're so fucking boring, you know?
—Covenant (WOS 14)
Yeah, people can be dangerous after they're dead. Look at US.
—Bishop (WOS 14)
The weird thing is that we had to go all the way to Chicago to see the demons and the freakos.
—Philistine (WOS 14)
If I close my eyes and rub your mustache I'm thinkin', "wookie female".
—Covenant (WOS 14)
If I hit them, there's a miss chance and if I miss them, there is a hit chance.
—Purgatorian (WOS 14)
Wouldn't you kill Puerto Ricans if you were the “Puerto Rican Angel of Death"?
—Bishop (WOS 14)
Those guys are going to get dealt with, especially if they keep talkin' to us like chumps. I'm ninth level, man.
—Bishop (WOS 14)
You really need to taser some more dawgs.
—Philistine (WOS 14)
Yeah I AM the fuckin' angel of death with my sword against these goth kids. I really am.
—Samson (WOS 14)
SMACK! Don't think!
—Bishop (WOS 14)
Ha ha! A critical hit! It's gonna be an ichor bath.
—Covenant (WOS 14)
I'm like the Puerto Rican meat in the demon sandwich.
—Covenant (WOS 14)
That's the difficult thing about ruthlessness. It's sometimes questionable.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
I'm a voracious sexual athlete.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I'm subletting goose priveleges.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
I believe in "shit happens" more than any other faith.
—Rotten-Luck Remy Sharkfin (WOS 14)
He's repressed. Or enlightened. Take your pick.
—Sir Guisen Morrow (WOS 14)
Knowledge is for the weak.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 14)
Holy man-boobs, Batman.
—Ramas Fezim Mustafa (WOS 14)
Night-night, El Porko!
—Covenant (WOS 14)
Hands off the dice bag, ya screen jockey!
—Cross (WOS 14)
Orcs are the primordial soup of all mankind.
—Groklok (WOS 14)
I am not your flanking bonus.
—Raven (WOS 14)
Ganzoid dragons are just like celery. Except more colorful.
—Dysfunctional Male Bonding (WOS 14)
We're going to be hard to kill. Easy to make unpleasant, though.
—Rattyfingers (WOS 14)
I'm gonna quick draw my donkey whopper.
—Cross (WOS 14)
The merfolk come down like merbombs.
—The Scarmaster (WOS 14)
They were like dildos you just can’t shut off.
—Groklok (WOS 14)
I’ve never seen you be stealthy, so you must be the most stealthy of all.
—MauChurl (WOS 14)
Of course it was a gratuitous ganzoid. I’ve gone ganzoid-crazy.
—Silvery Sayer (WOS 14)
If I’m like the son you never had, you’re like the father I had but always hated.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 14)
You were totally fellating that god’s hammer.
—MauChurl (WOS 14)
Am I alright? Yeah. I mean, I’m a little fat, but other than that…
—Dr. Theodore Strange (WOS 14)
Our capacity to consume massive quantities of pop tarts is… Staggering.
—Bennett Doyle (WOS 14)
Nobody insults me without getting a little ass.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
I’m not stalking you. I’m just following you in the dark.
—Elric Tremaine, the Nightspider (WOS 14)
You can only whip a horse into the fence for so long.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
It's like with them, they have a governor who sets the speed limit to 30. Here, there's no limit. I may watch to keep you from missing some curves, but…
—White Elder (WOS 14)
I like to drink when I'm happy, I like to drink to stay happy, I like to drink when I'm depressed and I like to drink when I can't feel anything at all. I don't know if that's an altogether good cycle.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
He's so confident, yes. He's almost like a compass of wrongness.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I didn't de-enjoy it.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
No, she’s just a good old-fashioned succubus.
—The Clown's Straight Man (WOS 14)
I am succumbing to capitalism and I will have Big People furniture one day.
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
If everything happens for a reason, then I want to talk to management.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
The quails will rise.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
It was the sort of bar where locals bussed the tables in their spare time.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Get trashed locally.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
The world is his restroom.
—Welsh Father Pride (WOS 14)
I use it all the way down the line, Indian-style. 'Course, then, they didn't use many hay bales.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
I'm a walking invalid so that's why I'm not at my usual high level of social consciousness.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
It's all about money and beans with you.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I tell you, becoming The Dad is the worst form of justice that can happen to you.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
There's something about the memory of Velveeta.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 14)
There is no way to perform the calculus on how people evolve to the place where they get to.
—Ian (WOS 14)
Sir, just put the tiara down and nobody gets hurt.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
Hm. Perhaps they can smell it, the indifference. It must be some form of aphrodisiac.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
I may be easy, but I’m not cheap.”
—Momentary Diversity (WOS 14)
It's sort of like being the world's largest pygmy - it just doesn't mean much anymore.
—Talbalt (WOS 14)
I’ve had so much training this week that my eyes are going to turn… Whatever color your eyes turn when you’ve had a lot of training.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
The gravity cannot outweigh the levity.
—Ian (WOS 14)
I was living the gilded life. And like an aristocrat, I was mired in misfortune whilst I waltzed through a world not of my making.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
His noise is a hundred thousand gnats coughing at once.
—NoInCasa (WOS 14)
There's always food in the Pregnant Lady Cube.
—Governing Mom (WOS 14)
On the guilt scale, you were worth far more than any Catholic training.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
You know, you were a lot more fun when I was a starving artist.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I have absolutely no nostalgia for The Hulk.
—Perspective (WOS 14)
I just like to say "smelt" in public.
—Talbalt (WOS 14)
Everyone knows at least one person who hates Ben Affleck.
—Perspective (WOS 14)
This wine is super dry without the redemption of anything else going on.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Hang on - I'm having a foodgasm.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
Silly rabbit, youth is for kids.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
I call the rough slices on the sides the casualties of the War on Sushi.
—The Ukrainian Viewpoint (WOS 14)
Jesus has his giraffe. He doesn't need my brother.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I'm over her, but I don't think I'll ever really be past her.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
It's interesting that two people can come up with a theory, each thinking the other suggested it.
—Shtuffy (WOS 14)
That's not necessarily true. But it's not necessarily false, either.
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
I'm glad he found SOME meaning in his life, even if it was some trashy girl.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
That's a fon-don't.
—Monsieur Mixalot (WOS 14)
Bravado is the sincerest form of machoisma.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
Yeah, the only natural calamity San Diego has is rain.
—The Topekan Economist (WOS 14)
You need to start the revolution for me through the chickitudes.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
You know, when you're a captive, you set your standards low.
—Suburban Engineer with Flair (WOS 14)
I’ve had some great romances, some terrific sex, some awesome laughs. So, all in all, I have no business complaining. Some days I have the peace of mind to realize I should be satisfied.
—IV (WOS 14)
Romance is like sales. You hedge your bets. But in love, you call it hope, which is more accurate.
—Ian (WOS 14)
That's not my fault. I am not in the watermelon-spearing department.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Well, there are some good benefits to wealth.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
Negative population growth equals zero accountability. It's a Nobody To Provide For party!
—Watermelon Spearing Analysis Team (WOS 14)
Outside first, inside later. Just like sex.
—A Bit Bi-Bi (WOS 14)
Cuz The Black Hollywood Man gotchoo down.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
Because you so much live in the world of The Black Hollywood Man.
—Jannya (WOS 14)
Chick have smarrah ahsshoh.
—Waundromat Wong (WOS 14)
It ALL slides through the cracks.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Signature idn't even cold, bitch already takin'.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
There are just so many noodles you can use, if you know what I mean.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
When I was my age I couldn't get shit.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
It must have been the sewery water.
—Jannya (WOS 14)
We feel like the soccer moms of the fantasy world.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
An annoying woman's voice carries a long way, my friend.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
All I know is that they used to eat bread, all right?
—Cool Fury (WOS 14)
Mom, you got raised by prairie dogs!
—Loki's Little Cherub (WOS 14)
The Pope is just a chump who's in it for the money.
—Bishop (WOS 14)
Yeah. It's another notch in my gun. Good for me.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
I'm not really partial to honking.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 14)
That was for the pie, dumb-ass.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
No matter where you go in the world, as long as you are still in Ireland, there you are.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
When life gives you lemons... I don't know. You go to Breckenridge.
—The Latvian Fox (WOS 14)
It's not about winning or losing, Dad. It's about Mom always winning.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I've got five meetings today; one with a CEO, another with a CIO. Figured I could at least throw on a suit jacket.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
Money only spends once.
—White Elder (WOS 14)
You're not the first one to say it. But it's not a gramma fetish. It's more like an affinity.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 14)
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body - which means I have a lot of lust and am very high maintenance.
—IV (WOS 14)
Do you know what I thought you heard?
—The Clown's Straight Man (WOS 14)
Disgusting? You know what I find disgusting? Your gross intolerance, your disdain for so many little things that comprise the world around you.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
The fact is, a hard-on is useful.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
Life's a crap shoot. You do your best.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I mean, hell, I've been to some pretty sluggish funerals.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
Sometimes you just have to take what's across the street. It's like training wheels.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
It's the manly perogativeto grab handfuls of bootimus maximus.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
I ain't gonna finger your sausage, girl.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
THAT booty dance was friendly.
—Loki's Little Cherub (WOS 14)
C'mon. Let's go. The fish around here have gotten wise.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
It could happen. (That's in a dream state.)
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
You don't have to go to prison to have a good time.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
It's all the same, till you get cut into pieces... Then it's like, which one was that?
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
Who would have thought that we'd have a fishing dynasty?
—Gwok (WOS 14)
The best self-control is complete repression.
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
Enough of your foolish tricks. C'mon, guys. You come and go, but I got to live with this woman.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
She's the official fish wire wench.
—Jannya (WOS 14)
Pork really does have a lot to offer.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
Just waiting for the next beer to drop.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
I won't say that they have no value, but they certainly are the worst that's ever been.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I caught a mustard jar.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
I find that if you're just light-hearted and ask for free stuff, good things come your way.
—Mellow There-Done-That (WOS 14)
It bothered me. But, being a card-carrying liberal, it also bothered me that it bothered me. This was also bothersome.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Border war? Missourians versus Kansans? Are you joking? How old ARE you? Why in the hell would we hate each other?
—Vince (WOS 14)
No, I mean a different Jewish lesbian that wanted me.
—Soulful Irish (WOS 14)
We may have created a fishing monster.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
Eskimos are like the Mexicans of Alaska.
—Amusson (WOS 14)
Six people on the beach? That's an orgy, not a wedding.
—MizLaughing the Unstoppable (WOS 14)
I do like the wang.
—NoInCasa (WOS 14)
I don't have a problem with stupid people. I just have a problem with them procreating.
—Nordic Nonchalance (WOS 14)
Breasts are like power windows - they're nice, but not a deal-breaker.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 14)
I’ve been having funky dreams lately. And if I go to bed tonight and have dreams of a fucking rabbit, it’d better be Harvey and not Frank.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
it is as if i am a ball of emotion. just waiting to unleash.
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
Oh, that's great. I get Jews, New York, and girl on girl. What more do I need?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Maybe I can't get enough, but I've had enough.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
I feel like these people are recommending lots of movies I don't like but find very beautiful.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
And just as the chaos is channelled every day, (as much as possible) surely the good might break once in awhile?
—Queen of Cups (WOS 14)
There isn't enough whiskey in the country to give me whiskey-dick.
—SOBAH (WOS 14)
She's totally retarded! Like 24-year-old-and-doesn't-know-a-margarita-from-a-martini retarded.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
Babies are not people, cause if they were people, they wouldn't need people.
—SOBAH (WOS 14)
You are just 21 flavors of wrong. You could start your own Baskin Robbins of wrongness.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I am so now!
—Nomad (WOS 14)
You know I'm a moralistic hedonist.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I am such the perfect Thomas.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Mmmm... Chi curds.
—SOBAH (WOS 14)
It's like Barney's Dutch cousin!
—SOBAH (WOS 14)
I feel like smoke. Always trying to rise higher. And yet ultimately dissipating.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
I'm trying to keep myself alive. But I don't know if it's working.
—Queen of Cups (WOS 14)
SHIT. Don't do what I just did.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
This is like animal house taken to very severe, sophisticated levels.
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
Manipulating ancient secret socities is what I do best.
—The Midnight Magician (WOS 14)
That hour wasn’t wasted, it was just mismanaged.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
So, basically, you grew out of grace?
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 14)
I'm the grit queen in training.
—Grit Queen in Training (WOS 14)
It's not like paper grows on trees.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 14)
You guys are like arm candy.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 14)
Strip aerobics - Oh, I love that stuff.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 14)
I got better chances with you than her - she's already seen my shit.
—Geluk (WOS 14)
We're like Laurel and Hardy, except racier.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Let's go back to sex.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
She doesn't know where the male-ass is.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
I found him. Where was he? Jesus is in my trunk. Ask him where the holes were. Fuck you -- he's dead.
—PayShtiff (WOS 14)
So I married a Baptist.
—One Funky Mother (WOS 14)
I'm going to sing Christmas carols and get down with my bad self.
—She Who Is The Virtue of Waiting (WOS 14)
All your cars smell like brown sugar. I think it's the pheromones.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 14)
It's kind of Starbucky. And when I say that, I mean it kind of crawls down your throat and takes a hunk out.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
I'm operating from the flawed principle that I can actually accomplish everything my job entails.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
You're all gay and that is all I'm saying.
—Psychotic Flirt (WOS 14)
Nothing can break the bisexuality - not even your cheesepuffs.
—Sensing Alternatives (WOS 14)
You've lost all rights to this juggernaut of wonder.
—Shatterbox (WOS 14)
Drunks get to listen to the unattractive bands.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
Hey, throw the feminists a bone.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
Many have asked why I do what I do. Many leave the conversation still asking. I don’t think I’m a boring conversationalist. I just think I don’t ever really constructively answer.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
I feel like I just saw Steel Magnolias and I've never even seen Steel Magnolias.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
Elijah is Jewish. Don't think I didn't know that.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
Your voice is so soft and sedate and peaceful - we just enjoy it without listening to it.
—Majere Mirror (WOS 14)
My breath, you'll find, is more of an augmentation than a detraction.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I hope I go out like that - laughing and knowing the score.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I find that even in the midst of nuclear explosions, you can find something to laugh about.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
The Titanic wasn't a sub by choice.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
These things are made in Korea, much like most Koreans, in a separate process.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
The tides and gales of blustering wind hath carried over to both our shores, on tired old backs, and have blown henceforth to bring silent illumination. Verily I say, go young wanderer.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
I am an outspoken moderate liberal who, by circumstance, assumes he’s extreme.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
It's kind of bowing under my girth, like so many inferior things in my past.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
Well, hey, as long as you're at it, why don't you check this male?
—Agent Peludo (WOS 14)
Why am I always people on TV who are scraping the bottom of the syndicate barrel?
—Nomad (WOS 14)
But the wood was strong and our tools would outlast... Outlast the child bombs that explode and then are gone, Like the wasps in the tree beside us, we ran from and moved on.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
Windows to the soul? No, eyes are just occasionally notable in that they sit in your face.
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
Hell, if it wasn't for me, no housework would get down around here at all! Oh, wait. I live alone.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s mind when he hits the windshield? His ass.
—Forefront of Commercial Entreatments (WOS 14)
Woah-oh, living on a prairie… You can take my cows, and milk ‘em I swear.
—3 Wise Men (WOS 14)
That’s just like Grouchy Tiger, Hidden Dragqueen.
—Forefront of Commercial Entreatments (WOS 14)
I think drinking water with whiskey is only done by people who want to appear moderate.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
I don’t know how people can be so oblivious to things they’ve never even seen.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
Oh but doth the swiftness of thy words cut mine tender heart. It's beating left to, alas, forego this dismal Winter. ...No idea what that means.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
Hey, I do the Seven, no problem. But Maker's Mark and Coke? Now that's an abomination.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
You just lost a lot of respect with me, but there really wasn't much left, so no big deal. Nickels and dimes, really.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I hate Francophone literature. It's always the same old thing - about goats... And living in a hut.
—The Indomitable French Scientist Maiden (WOS 14)
Quotes... that's all that I can be accountable for.
—The QuoteKeeper (WOS 14)
The best i can try for is medoiocre quote keeper. Ouch! Missed two quotes. .. Oops.
—The QuoteKeeper (WOS 14)
You're really sexy... When you're naked.
—Red Researcher (WOS 14)
I’m telling you, man, the trabajo is really starting to get me down, dude.
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
I have crossed and chanced many random crossings and chances are have found the same crossing as everyone else, both joy and heartache. Unless perchance I got crossed.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
How does someone who feels mentally ill express that he is just crazy?
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
You don’t want to limit chairs like that. They can multitask like people. Additionally, like people, they can’t really do more than 2 or 3 things at once with efficacy.
—Shtuffy (WOS 14)
My time is every time.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
It is hard to say... Did he save the demon because he was under the influence or because of what small vestige of human fashion lay still intact in his mind?
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
It’s a little weird to have Notification of Student Death Procedures, but I guess it’s a good idea.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
Google is the biggest blind user on the Internet.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 14)
I wonder if marriage and family are not control structures intended to force us to cope.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 14)
The cool thing about this position is creating it.
—Idyoo Master (WOS 14)
That was the funniest line in this whole movie. Even if it was extremely painful for a man to hear it... out loud.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I've nicknamed you "St. Valentine's Day Massacre". Nice to meet you in person.
—Dramatic Underwire (WOS 14)
Watch it, now. Little ears have big mouths.
—Gwok (WOS 14)
The creatures of the future are losers.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
I think he likes to say he “acquired” his condition. Like it was some kind of land grab or something.
—IV (WOS 14)
When you work an excess of 60 hours a week, you don't really want to fool with garage doors.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Sometimes even my self-control is impulsive.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Do we have to go outside to get to the outside?
—Mocha Mama (WOS 14)
My new slogan is that I am overcoming puniness.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
It may not always be possible to have 9 women have 10 babies in 1 month.
—PMShinyHead (WOS 14)
This is like juggling sand in a windstorm.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
It’s funny how you fall into your life.
—Some Bob At A Convention (WOS 14)
It’s not the work that kills you. It’s the stress. (The problem is, somewhere along the line, it was decided that the stress is what makes the work get done. One must undecide this.)
—Shtuffy (WOS 14)
Notice the multi-tentacled aspect of digital forensics.
—Talbalt (WOS 14)
Save an extra bullet for the PDA, I always say.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
I feel like my job is sort of like the TV series 24 sometimes. Just except that nobody dies most of the time.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
Don't get me all hyped up on the meningitis kick.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I haven't been paying attention to myself lately.
—Queen of Cups (WOS 14)
Realize that some will perceive the shift in power and be fine with it. Some will perceive it and resist it. And some will not perceive it.
—NoInCasa (WOS 14)
I bought the sports car for all the practical reasons.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
My coolness factor is obviously dwindling. Last week, instead of being compared to Rico Iglesias or Ricky Martin, somebody asked me if I was Jared the Subway Diet Guy.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I don’t have any problems with monkeys pleasuring themselves, per se, but… I mean, we all have needs, but do I have to see it?
—Reisen (WOS 14)
It’s like a big coming-together of the nation through shooting shit.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I had no idea that my bodily fluids were so vital to my equilibrium.
—Young Bucks of Training (WOS 14)
My coolness factor is obviously dwindling. Today, over the phone, I heard the receptionist tell the fellow I was calling, “I don’t know. It’s some white guy.”
—Nomad (WOS 14)
I am on extended sabbatical in Kansas.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Well, it appeals to my analytical, dramatic, self-indulgent sense of life. What can I say? If it’s not about me, good Lord, what is it about?
—Heinlein (WOS 14)
I’m popping these things like candy. Oh. Wait. They are candy.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
My mom said, So, great, you basically stage-managed an orgasm.
—Henrietta (WOS 14)
A true professional never trusts the people who set the thing up, or the client, to have it right before he steps in front of the classroom. One, because at least one person won't. Two, because he's the one who has to face those rows of eyes.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
You know, there are some people around here I'd like to lay some paint down on.
—Cap'n Faaan-TAStic (WOS 14)
I think every good friendship should eventually involve death.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
HTML documents are like snowmen…. They have a head, and a body. No neck.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 14)
How many people around here does it take to...? Well, I guess it only takes one to be an idiot.
—NoInCasa (WOS 14)
I mean, what the hell are the great outdoors for, if not to be naked in them?
—kurtz (WOS 14)
I find that if I can reduce my students to giggles, it reduces the capacity for being too critical.
—Loco Motion (WOS 14)
I don't think there's any difference singing the dumb words in "Ave Maria" in church or the ones to "Shake Your Bon Bon" on the radio.
—Scientific Pantheist (WOS 14)
It's a breakfast burrito by virtue of having been eaten for breakfast.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
In the marketplace of ideas, some of the shit I say goes.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Dude, I'm a sayer hater.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 14)
You gotta lay your black down.
—Nomad (WOS 14)
Oh, you want to know about bad milk, huh? Well, you will, soon enough, my friend…
—the dark penguin (WOS 14)
I’ve had sex with beautiful women, and shared love with kind women. Sometimes they overlapped. I don’t need you, so don’t play the arrogance card with me.
—Vince (WOS 14)
There’s a place on Earth that’s the cemetery in Heaven.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 14)
Your quotes lack staying power.
—Lucas JokeWalker (WOS 14)
Some people say it's like opening a Christmas present early and that that's why they wait to find out, but man, I don't think it's like that at all. Show me the goods, kid. You're killing me. You know?
—Vera Wang-Zwanger (WOS 14)
You can even do sort of a ‘poor man’s drop shadow’ with this.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 14)
It’s not our fault that your creativity needs training wheels.
—Lucas JokeWalker (WOS 14)
Oo… Dude, I just cut you so low, you’re gonna hafta stand up to tie your own shoes.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 14)
If he starts hacking, toss him.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 14)
We have a total synergy of nonsense. Just don’t ask for the next eight hours.
—The Original Cowpoke Jokesters (WOS 14)
Frames are sort of like the Swanson dinners of the Internet.
—Stan Dard Van Guard (WOS 14)
Be sure you’re looking at the right thing or else you’ll end up barking up a tree that isn’t even there.
—Cap'n Faaan-TAStic (WOS 14)
That is when I bond with it the most, when it gives me an unexpected sharp kick or a double kick. That makes me laugh.
—Vera Wang-Zwanger (WOS 14)
Because if he’s brotherly, that’s pretty fuckin incestuous.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I don’t make her play guitar – so why should I have to dance?
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 13)
I think it’s sad when you are reduced to a toilet stall as the last refuge from your life.
—NotHopkins (WOS 13)
They were going to rage when Britney Spears came on. Then I was like, hey, peace, Rainbow Warriors.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 13)
What do you mean, sex isn’t a vice? You haven’t seen me have sex.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 13)
Happiness is a clean colon.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
I’ve orchestrated the deaths of many spiders.
—Pilates Artist (WOS 13)
She’s frugal, but she does it in a big way.
—The Corporate Drugpusher (WOS 13)
I just want to be fiscally fit.
—The Corporate Drugpusher (WOS 13)
It’s kind of tough to have a conversation because he talks all the time. That’s why I don’t talk to him.
—Mama Candid (WOS 13)
I’m Johnny-come lately. I come late, but when I come, I come all the way.
—The Corporate Drugpusher (WOS 13)
Oh yeah? Just how down is your dog?
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
Dude. You opened a wholesale mart on your soul.
—Perspective (WOS 13)
You can make a rack if you’re crafty. You can be a kinky carpenter, it’s a lot of fun. It’s hard to hide, though.
—The Invasive Physical Therapist (WOS 13)
I can’t explain how bad you’ll feel if you kill someone. I know it’s great in the fantasy, but it’s just a bad idea.
—The Invasive Physical Therapist (WOS 13)
Amsterdam’s fire marshal rule is that if you can’t release someone from bondage in 30 seconds, it’s illegal and hazardous.
—The Invasive Physical Therapist (WOS 13)
It only sucks it in when you turn it on.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
When they go off stage, they’ll say “Whooh! I want to be with a girl!” And I’ll be like, Shoot, you are; I’ve been with your boyfriend, honey.
—Biscuit Sopper (WOS 13)
All I’m saying is, I want the opportunity to be a jackass once in awhile.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
It’s in case you will be looking at images that relieve the male condition, if you know what I mean.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 13)
You look so fabulous! I bet you want to wear my hat and call yourself Madonna.
—Urban Cowboy (WOS 13)
So, I’m going to fingerpaint your boobs. But don’t worry; I am a confirmed gay. Still, maybe we could take a photo for my mom. She’d really love to see me in this position.
—AllMadeUp (WOS 13)
What with all the pork and neon, I was looking at real estate.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
It blows my mind where women will let you lick them and where they won’t.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 13)
I feel like an overripe tomato that’s just been dropped from the fourth floor.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
You gave my garden ideas.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
This is miserably comfortable.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 13)
I don't know what kind of signs they have... Pedestrian cows or something.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
There's no force to the swirl anymore, you know?
—Pilates Artist (WOS 13)
Aside from things getting a little frosty after I casually mentioned that I think the Swiss have a culture of reactionary cowardice, it was all chocolate, watches, fondue, raqulette and big bank accounts…
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 13)
My hormones high-jacked the steering wheel of my proverbial ship today, tying up and gagging Reason and Patience. Passion and Emotion were given double shots of tequila and then were given the wheel. I have my period.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
In democracy it's choice that's important, not action, right?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 13)
That's the cherry on the gelato.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
But, you've got to admit that premeditated vacuuming is quite different from its impulsive cousin.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 13)
My happiness raft just drifted out too far for meaningful communication.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
It would be like Alaska without the dogs.
—The Latvian Fox (WOS 13)
I have a superficial vanity that's trying to get deeper.
—Georgian Queen (WOS 13)
One of my greatest fears is that I will dissolve under a particularly dismal anyday.
—NotHopkins (WOS 13)
If I lost her, I would break somehow. I wouldn't be Broken, maybe, but I would definitely break.
—Johnny5 (WOS 13)
The term "abyss," rather like "hovel," is I think a bit connotatively charged.
—Drago (WOS 13)
The wicked wench will be anally subjugated.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 13)
He was the kind of guy who would try to eavesdrop on conversations in sign language.
—the dark penguin (WOS 13)
I used to be a lot of things, from Jesus Christ to Hugh Grant. The world was full of possibility. Then I matured into Donnie Osmond.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Just don't tell them the majesty of potential and everything will be fine.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Why don't you shoot him? You can always shoot us anytime.
—Homina John (WOS 13)
He wants love to be a controllable substance. Hm. Well, love is perhaps a guidable substance.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
What is a cranny? How do you distinguish it from a nook?
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
I haven't gotten any sleep in 3 days, and I have to belly dance for the Communist Party.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
I've been quite the Peter Pan of young womanhood.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
It is a site of ill repute, developed by webmasters of the night.
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
We all live by the illusions we make real for ourselves.
—Ian (WOS 13)
It is not the future, it is the precipice of the Now.
—Zdenek Kralesian (WOS 13)
The single most alarming element about the Pennsylvania-Delaware-New Jersey tri-state area is the wholly unchecked proliferation of the Wawa.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
How can a business bill itself as a convenience store when it does not accept debit or credit cards and does not sell gasoline? Are these not defining characteristics of both convenience and convenience stores?
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I saw some crackers and I just thought to myself: It's time to do something a little crazy.
—Jbrained (WOS 13)
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
—constancy jones (WOS 13)
What is a kaboodle?
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
Why do we get all our Canadians from up north?
—Miss Construed (WOS 13)
That will actually provide me with a counterweight to the rice.
—Tex Van Dyke (WOS 13)
You may be confused but you've got great hair.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
The Chicago suburbs are a funny thing. You'll be driving along and suddenly you'll see a bulbous blooming Ba'hai temple, a leaning Tower of Pisa replica, or a glistening golden-spired Greek Orthodox cathedral poking out at you.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Humanist by nature, Jewish by association, and Roman Catholic by background. Sheesh, sounds like a bad sitcom forming in my brain here.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Music needs to be a warcry.
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
I needed a salve for my raging inwardness and burning, self-cannibalizing heart. Spirituality struck me as an opiate for the individual.
—Ian (WOS 13)
Give me one night, you and me. I'll take you anywhere you want to be.
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
I must be full of dignity or something, but this sounds like some sick shit.
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
Every scene is a story. It's your choice to investigate.
—The Original M-CIW-D-CIW-I-i-Net+-MCSD (WOS 13)
I need background meaninglessness to wallow in my depth.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I'm the kind of guy who does tai-chi to Kid Rock, okay?
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Realizing death sickly excites us and makes us think that we are imagining or experiencing the most heightened state of living.
—Ian (WOS 13)
As long as someone goes on their knees, it's okay.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 13)
There's nothing wrong with a good hankering once in awhile.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 13)
I was witnessing how she became what the suggestions of his guiding moves had not yet dreamt.
—The Watcher (WOS 13)
Her expressions mirrored the emotion of the music and the fun he was attempting to achieve; her intensity and responses in fact escaped the cage of these things.
—The Watcher (WOS 13)
And laughter. There will have to be a lot of laughter.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
My thoughts are driving me crazy. I must not be allowed to think.
—Johnny5 (WOS 13)
Having a full head of hair is a great start on life.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I was alone, and I was in this place of such beauty - which was two curses, because I had no one to share the beauty with.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
'Cuz we don't like them modem smokers
—Mont Jolly (WOS 13)
Give yourself a little braincool.
—Mont Jolly (WOS 13)
You don't want a color laser printer in your home. This thing falls over on Johnny printing his little homework project, you better hope he gets a good grade, cuz he'll be dead when you pull that thing off him.
—Okiman (WOS 13)
I throw random acts of humor in there just to see if you're paying attention.
—3COM Mountain Man (WOS 13)
It is interesting that so many women want confident men when they do so much to undermine confidence in their men.
—Ian (WOS 13)
I'm basically a wine taster for cereals.
—Puritan Weaver (WOS 13)
Tomorrow we've got to strong-arm the furrier.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
It's kind of like of starting hot turkey.
—Well-Marketed Jester of The Modern Age (WOS 13)
Every place you've never been is a frontier.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I am experiencing wired exhaustion.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I am the guest of All That Is.
—Zdenek Kralesian (WOS 13)
It's like the Moby Dick of boars.
—Jannya (WOS 13)
Gnomes make the best codpieces.
—Varsulian (WOS 13)
Hey. Come over here. This old man's packin'.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 13)
Hey, be sure to remind me to hit some kind of substance tomorrow.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 13)
You haven't lived until you've milked a goat.
—Monkeyboy Floyd the Screw-tailed Shrimp (WOS 13)
Bin Laden could end up being like Elvis.
—Gwok (WOS 13)
He's in a Gene Autry stupor.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 13)
I see through your facade of dorkiness.
—Miss Construed (WOS 13)
Get on the stick with the panties, girl.
—Miss Construed (WOS 13)
You have two performances. One is the role in front of you. The other is when you just turn on the metabolism of YOU.
—Sogni della Nebbia (WOS 13)
It can be very liberating to be able to work from the toilet.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
There is fresh air; even when there isn't.
—Ian (WOS 13)
Convert work into pleasure. (It simply needs to go in a subfolder.)
—Nomad (WOS 13)
We are in need of sugar.
—Master Ai, the Elven (WOS 13)
I negotiate for a bunch of corporate animals.
—Shoe Queen (WOS 13)
Oh yeah, you think romance is easy? Well, just try getting a rose home intact on a moped.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Don't take any wooden nickels and don't get your picture taken with any pseudo gladiators.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 13)
Show me the wisdom.
—Gwok (WOS 13)
It's a blessing for the tongue.
—Bejeweled (WOS 13)
You aren't squeamish about the squiddish, are you?
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
Quality is only quantity filtered.
—Master Ai, the Elven (WOS 13)
Mom, you've just shattered your masculinity.
—Young Texan Intellectual (WOS 13)
I have asbestos hands and mouth.
—Frisky Frescobaldina (WOS 13)
I blew my intellectual wad today.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
I'm not allowed to be the Real Me with other people – it's offensive.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 13)
Jingles are a mental casualty of capitalism.
—Ian (WOS 13)
I am in search of purity. Not clarity. I hope to delude myself in something not nearly so painful.
—Johnny5 (WOS 13)
That dog was a truly born Venetian. He was like the Bruce Springsteen of poodles.
—Venetian Bearing Fruit (WOS 13)
I seem to value sleep too much to be of much accomplishment in this world.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I feel like, as far as clothes go, I got a healthy Italian starter set from my good gay Florentine friend.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I found out that cats are sympathetic vomiters.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 13)
You know, long walks, laughing, vacations all over the world, those are all great. But you missed something on your list. I can't wait to decorate with you.
—Wisconsin Castles (WOS 13)
Guess we all have our purgatories.
—Shatterbox (WOS 13)
We've got to turn the corner to see another vista - it's like when you're seeing lots of beautiful places. You can't be sad about the one you just saw. You've got to go to the next one. ...And you've got to make the next one beautiful.
—Highland Dawning (WOS 13)
I was told that the beauty of Tuscany's saltless bread is not in the taste but in the texture. And I thought, "What height of culinary prowess is required to make breadcrust hard enough to slice through your gums? Any European can do that. Couldn't it taste interesting, too?"
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Bond movies become exquisitely elegant with enough alcohol.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 13)
That bold confidence so many women thrive on their men treating them with is so often a symptom of something else: indifference, jadedness, an urge to conquer for conquering's sake. I know this.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 13)
Boy, you're in for a malty ass-kickin'.
—IDAMen (WOS 13)
I hate milling about in an ice cream parlor. It's like Hell for me.
—LA3 (WOS 13)
There are no guarantees and the free lunch that you tried so hard to think of as not being free, and tried so hard to pay for - well it comes with a price, even if it's just a piece of your soul that no one wanted you to pay.
—Shatterbox (WOS 13)
You're going on a milk draught, buddy.
—Jannya (WOS 13)
That'll be a mammory memory.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 13)
In the end, it is more important for me to experience than it is to learn.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I've just got to crash myself against the rocks of socialness.
—Shatterbox (WOS 13)
Listen, kid, it's not about the brand name. It's all about the lifestyle.
—Shatterbox (WOS 13)
It's like a butterfly knife. You just don't go fucking with it right off the bat.
—the dark penguin (WOS 13)
A voice keeps telling me, "Just put the memories down, mister, and nobody gets hurt."
—Shatterbox (WOS 13)
The developing world hasn't developed for you.
—Nomad (WOS 13)
I'm like a fish. Except I have slightly better verbal skills.
—the dark penguin (WOS 13)
Run away. I will only pollute you with uncertainty and make you more real.
—Shatterbox (WOS 13)
He kept hollering, "signore, signore!" And I thought, when did I become a signore?
—Nomad (WOS 13)
Spock got it on with people.
—Swedish Kat (WOS 12)
Let’s try to keep the pants up.
—Da Tuttle (WOS 12)
I, for one, feel that – DON’T LIGHT A MATCH!!!
—Agent Peludo (WOS 12)
I don’t have any problem with insulting your parentage.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 12)
I’m not drunk, I’m just myself.
—Robert Josephine (WOS 12)
Go for the one with boobs.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 12)
I hate that guy. I hope he gets ravaged by rabid frogs.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 12)
I’m the biggest social half-ass around, okay?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
If you snoop around the bushes long enough, you’ll probably find some Spanish-speakers.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
There’s some marrow of truth to that.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
Let’s start our lives all over again. Then quit.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
I’m a glutton for gay bars.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
My tongue is a little slow. Actually, my wife already told me so last night.
—Lutz Slowliquor (WOS 12)
You don’t need luck. You have everything else.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 12)
I was going to get you nothing for Christmas, but I didn’t have any boxes.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
I wanna get buck naked and flop around like a fish.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 12)
That baby’s fingers are almost human.
—Mellow There-Done-That (WOS 12)
That kid’ll be perculating like a coffeemaker before long.
—Mellow There-Done-That (WOS 12)
I am not the Spittle Keeper.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 12)
I’m glad she went to the hospital, because when you can’t breathe, you should.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 12)
Maybe there’s a little mental illnes among lions, and nobody can control it.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 12)
You like to enforce karma, huh?
—Nomad (WOS 12)
I want to say that loneliness will make a person do funny things. But I’m not sure how lonely I was until I met her about an hour ago.
—The Watcher (WOS 12)
Any person who has a desk should have a dictionary on it.
—the dark penguin (WOS 12)
Somewhere inside you is a person who doesn’t even look like you.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 12)
Ok, so hey, when do they have a Dude’s Night?
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 12)
You know like how you have a real craving for a beet.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 12)
They had a chick in power? Hey, ok, why not cowpower?
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 12)
I’m like a squirrel, or a little rabbit or something. All day.
—Sister Swingspin (WOS 12)
Dude, sometimes you gotta populate the world with coolness.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
It was pretty vacant until we showed up.
—Sister Swingspin (WOS 12)
We do the minimum to achieve greatness.
—Comrades in Enschede (WOS 12)
Well, hel-loooooooo, LADIES…
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
It’s like you’re this Pinocchio and everyone else is the Gepetto.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
How does Christmas taste?
—the dark penguin (WOS 12)
I like to light the firecracker at the end of the day.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
My dream is to be a muscle hair stylist in Utah.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
She kind of has a visual wang to her.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
I’m the kind of guy who can permanently injure himself on a frizbee.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
What I really like about my job is that I hold people’s lives in my hands.
—Lady Lightmaiden (WOS 12)
Yeah, we can only wipe his bum so many times before he’s gotta do it himself.
—Mr. Montana Consultant (WOS 12)
It’s just like the middle of the night, except it’s really bright outside.
—Simone (WOS 12)
Well, these things don’t usually last forever, and, well, when they do, it’s usually called marriage.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
It reaches levels of coolness I think previously unseen in fish.
—Miss Construed (WOS 12)
It seems like my guy friends are always trying to preach the python to me.
—Sister Swingspin (WOS 12)
There is a chic to the bar beyond that which Mr. Cruise’s cocktail can capture.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 12)
I need something I can poke at with my morality stick.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
Sort of like the tragic pathetic hero, but he doesn’t even die because he’s so tragic and pathetic.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
It’s just easier to meet your doom standing.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
I love the communism of swing.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
The nature of traffic is such that you eventually begin gauging your success over this adversity not by how fast you get where you are going, but instead by how many cars you pass that don’t catch up with you.
—Ian (WOS 12)
A guy gets lonely, but I’m not a jackhammer, you know.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 12)
Good talking to you this evening, even if my foot did get preternaturally stuck into my poorly singing mouth.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 12)
Don’t you just want to seize the moment? Or, at other times, you want the moment to seize you? In between I guess I just want to sleep.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
The story of my life is a big joke and I consider you one of the key narrators.
—IDAMen (WOS 12)
That’s one of the benefits of working in a circus: you can wear pretty much anything as long as it covers your genitals.
—Bello’s BigHair Munitions Officer (WOS 12)
There’s something erroneous afoot at the Circle K.
—Mr. Wallglen Boiler (WOS 12)
Nothing matters in someone’s basement. I’ve been saying it for years.
—the dark penguin (WOS 12)
I just want drama without consequences.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 12)
Maybe it’s just harder to have the right kind of illusions in a roomful of people speaking your own language.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
I’m just standing here drinking to get to my next emotional high that’ll bring me to my next emotional low. Because in the meantime I don’t want any downtime.
—Mr. Barleycorn (WOS 12)
Of course, everything is subject to me being wrong, which is highly possible.
—Garnet Fireshower (WOS 12)
Greyhounds are pretty cool. You meet some interesting people... Like an Islamic man named Habeeb studying a book about diseases of the teste.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 12)
I love it when we play some big ampitheater or coliseum and I hit a really low note and shake 25,000 seats... That is power, baby. Makes me horny. So then I play in the nude. Cuz' you know... I'm horny.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 12)
It is the coolest thing since the James Bond pen that can kill people.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 12)
It can be disconcerting when your surgeon with scalpel poised begins to make off-handed allusions to Auschwitz.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
We’ve come home. We’ve come home to folk music, where punk has gone to die.
—Cockney Midsummer's Raven (WOS 12)
Man, he got slapped down by a Russian lawyer. Again.
—NotHopkins (WOS 12)
I like thinking languidly.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
Once a scapegoat, always a scapegoat. That’s always been my motto.
—NotHopkins (WOS 12)
I don’t know. You can’t define it. It’s, like, hoosiers, dude. It’s a state of mind.
—the-professional-who’d-prefer-not-to-be-known-as SHAFT (WOS 12)
I’m actually afraid of fish. (I don’t like to see them swimming around me in clear water.)
—Hawaii Default (WOS 12)
We could all be anybody on a Saturday night. Who would know?
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 12)
I read it in a book. Well, sure, that’s one book to throw away.
—Liver Chopped But Not Eaten (WOS 12)
I haven’t tried the Futon on my sex life yet.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 12)
The sad thing is, the first thought I had when I was offered my first American Express card was: Man, you’ve gotta put your ship-to on file with those guys.
—NotHopkins (WOS 12)
Mine is German. So I’m one of your paisanos.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
Now, before your interest fades away like so much bad rubbish, I will put a stop to this madness and send it your way.
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 12)
The day fast approaches when you no longer come home because of your parents, but rather in honor of them.
—Mellow Chef of the Night (WOS 12)
Destiny awaits. In Wisconsin.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
She got me to fall victim to my own strategy of persuasion: the logic of adventure.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
Everything he makes just sings. It’s like an opera in your mouth.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
The muses of Catfish Lake are calling your name and beckoning you to follow their sweet purrings.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
This is gonna be the biggest non-storm to hit this place since ’69.
—Drago (WOS 12)
Just come here and smell my window.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
Give me any position as long as it’s not sitting.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
No, you’re right. I take it back. Your parents should vote Republican.
—Drago (WOS 12)
No, I’m not a business woman. I’m an art historian who knows how to charge.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
We’re into pleasure-packing.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
I decided that her father was on a need-to-know basis (regarding our marriage).
—Coolby Allaccounts (WOS 12)
I’m the Lulu-Come-Lately.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
He’s a good ole boy, but he doesn’t know his cheesecake from his wazoo.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 12)
I am the primordial bitchboy.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 12)
You could compare apples to oranges. But it wouldn’t be fruitful.
—the dark penguin (WOS 12)
You know, in addition to the Biggest Fish Award, they should have a Cheating Death Award on these camp-outs.
—Perspective (WOS 12)
She broke the avocado mold.
—Drago (WOS 12)
The next time you do your magic that she’s always talking about, I feel the need to be included.
—Special Fruit (WOS 12)
I have this Baroque side to my personality that this just grooves with.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
Yes, but between the wine and my name is a cork.
—signore Le Corti (WOS 12)
I’m not looking for eternity; not in my wines, at least.
—signore Le Corti (WOS 12)
As Americans, we are very unforgiving about dental hygiene. We cannot imagine that someone without a great smile could ever be elected leader of a country.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
It’s not just a drink, it’s beyond a drink. It’s in the history, the culture, the geography. You drink it in.
—Castello di Ama’s Watchman (WOS 12)
How do you elect the leader of Korea? Oh, ah, by erection.
—Dr. Viagara (WOS 12)
One does not talk about the quality of the wine before the grapes have been picked and the harvest is in.
—Castello di Ama’s Watchman (WOS 12)
Sometimes I just wish I could touch you on every part of your body at once.
—Drago (WOS 12)
I used to think, whenever I find The One, the guy I want to be with, I’m going to want to know why he’s so damned late. I never imagined it would be because he was busy finishing high school.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
My goal in life is to die flushed.
—Nomad (WOS 12)
Where did I learn to cook? In the kitchen.
—Tuscan Chef of the Near-Coast (WOS 12)
Movie producers are gangsters. But like gangsters, they are all sentimental. So I could get them to pay by telling them my mother was sick and the hospital was going to throw her out on the street.
—El Imagery (WOS 12)
To see you is enthralling, to hear you is rapturous, to taste you is succulence, to feel you is ecstasy, and to smell you is to smell heaven.
—Drago (WOS 12)
I never expected that one day I’d become a helpless instrument of the Beegees.
—the dark penguin (WOS 12)
I do hereby solemnly swear that I have never to my knowledge consumed a persimmon.
—Drago (WOS 12)
The time I spend with you in me is like rain into the soil; sweetly energized and looking a little disheveled.
—Drago (WOS 12)
Tonight you cease to interest me. You are merely a branch on the tree we share.
—Ian (WOS 12)
If you ever need something clamped, I’m your man.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 12)
You’d think that if anyone would get out of Sunday school, a humanistic Jew could, but no.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
I penetrated the pornography empire.
—NotHopkins (WOS 12)
And there I was, a prisoner in my own kitchen, diplomatically observing and imbibing this lady’s culture of cleanliness.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
During this process, I assumed my role of useless male, she hers of hardworking female, and everything came together on the dance floor.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 12)
Don’t tell me I have nice eyes. It’s like telling Dolly Parton she has big boobs.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 12)
So you’re just rounding to the nearest radiator?
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 12)
There’s nothing wrong with building castles in the sky as long as you’re building them together. Some castles may take hold.
—Ian (WOS 12)
Elvis was the first Spice Girl.
—Joseph Winterspirits (WOS 12)
I don’t care if she’s all waving her fuzzy temptress in your face, you don’t do that shit.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 12)
If my wife wants to have kids, fine, I’ll tell her to go have them – in the other room. And not to let them in my room.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 12)
I drew an Indian teepee with a tambourine inside, to show my light and moveable spiritual house with music emanating from within, taking rhythms from the beat of my heart and the hearts of others.
—Vibrance Contortionista (WOS 12)
Was I drunk? No, I was fucking anus-rocked.
—Computer Sales Guy (WOS 12)
Happy Birthday. Just remember, no matter how young you feel, you’ll always be the dominant male. Er... I mean, you’ll always be older than me.
—Perspective (WOS 11)
I’m just cutting out the middle man and passing on the savings to my mouth.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
Oh, oh (with all these “yeah, babies”) I’m in some kind of hell, I know I am.
—Gwok (WOS 11)
Mom, don’t come home. They’re celebrating New Years and you might get shot.
—The White Dove (WOS 11)
Oh, that’s the way it goes. I was getting it confused with the way it doesn’t.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 11)
In Vino Veritas.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 11)
Man, I wish I could be around for the cataclysm.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
It takes the three-holer to a whole new level.
—Perspective (WOS 11)
We’ll just stop right here and no one will ever know I’m a lady.
—Gwok (WOS 11)
It’s bad enough to get involved in dependent, twisted relationships with losers in real life, but to fantasize about it?
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I figured she wouldn’t stay a maiden long if she was all that.
—Gwok (WOS 11)
You know, you don’t pop like you used to.
—Mr. Java (WOS 11)
Don’t grasp my darling by the waist.
—Miss Construed (WOS 11)
I can only say this so many times before I start repeating myself.
—Miss Construed (WOS 11)
Swedish girls think of Swedish guys like a Big Mac - dull, but you always know what you are going to get.
—One Sharp Fin (WOS 11)
It’s a great world we live in. Well, it’s a great world some of us live in.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Anyhow, the hamster in my head is getting tired of running around the fortuneless wheel of chickitude.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 11)
I think I’m doomed to fall for ambiguously energetic women -- are you touching me cuz you like me, or just cuz you are a toucher?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 11)
Screw the butter!
—Underwater Welder (WOS 11)
It is important to know: for some, the gift of a coffee maker is a commitment to things they aren’t ready to give.
—Ian (WOS 11)
At least one ravenous man gets fed tonight, he said, and feasted on the succulent blaze of bell peppers.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
Listen, I am an adventurer. Let’s put it this way, I have used a map and a compass in suburbia.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
You envisage a hero within yourself where before a person was. You speak of yourself in third person and dizzy yourself with thought and choice of beverage.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Yeah, I’d love to have a boss with that accent. Not a girlfriend. Just a boss that’d order me over at night to her house to give her head.
—Cherny Chesky (WOS 11)
A German? A Brazilian, a Swede, a Czech, of course. A French Muslim, a Mexican, a Russian, an Irani, okay. A Canadian, well, who’s going to mind? But a German? Who would have thought?
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Sometimes the norm of drinking is as much a social lubricant as the alcohol itself.
—Ian (WOS 11)
I have earned, despite and in fact because of my stupidity, a good night’s sleep.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
He has happy garlic within him.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
I once thought stupid and determined people were just stupid. Having been stupid but determined, I have decided that it is noble.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
It is important to know: for some, salvation comes on the bathroom floor.
—Ian (WOS 11)
In this capsule of truth, I will tell you, and you will know, but you will pretend not to, that I am attracted to you. But legally I am restricted to other.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 11)
What kind of underwear do I like her to have? Well, nothing too whitey-tighty, or something with little colored flowers on it. That shit will make me feel like I’m with my mom or a little girl. It doesn’t have to be anything super sexy, just something that makes me feel like I’m with a WOMAN.
—Under Discourse (WOS 11)
Don’t be a player-hater, baby.
—Avante Bronx (WOS 11)
I love it when people speak as if they were writing (i.e., using parentheses and abbreviated transitions.)
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Have fun. I’ll stop by in Prague when my Panzers take me that way.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
Look, everybody has their buttons to push, you know? For some of us, they just happen to include things like Mikes, Cyprus and aerospace engineers.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
The mayor is probably hanging off of the top of city hall crying, “Send all the virgins to me to wax my loins!”
—Cherny Chesky (WOS 11)
It is somewhat difficult to hold onto any sense of the sacred amidst arguing couples, the strobe of amateur photography, a priest receiving confessions behind a glass window and the shrill summons of cell phones.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
My head is a jumble of tongues.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
Red wine, she said, soothes the soul inside, while white creates pleasant and festive aggravation. Not so, I decided afterward. Perhaps it is the company you keep more than the color you drink.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Ah, well, chicks, if I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, they’re an ambiguous bunch, feeling their way around the objectivity of my manhood.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 11)
The history of the world is the history of chasing money.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Ah, yes, well, there I go again, carrying on the canon of Western thought. I think I’ll go carry it right on to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
After 42 days without sun, you start to think that AK-47 is a really neat collection of letters and numbers.
—Dorothy Heart (WOS 11)
It’s a cheap place to learn the hard knocks lessons of alcohol consumption.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
The Czechs think that the best vegetable is the one that goes through the pig.
—Ucitelka the Jazyk Mistress (WOS 11)
God, I love the smell of an oncoming subway train.
—Kraska (WOS 11)
It is through the reading of good writing that one is at once inspired to write and simultaneously discouraged from doing so.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
It’s just another example of rich people having built a temple to their own egos.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Budapest is like Chicago: it’s big, it’s dirty and it’s fun.
—Madison Linguist (WOS 11)
So this is the new Bohemia. Hmmm. Somehow I thought it would be more exclusive.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Listen, you may be a serial killer from Massachusetts. But if you come here and say you’re a ballerina, and you can dance to prove it, you’re a fucking ballerina.
—Interior Missouri (WOS 11)
Perhaps it is easy to think the world is brimming with opportunity and centers around one’s self when one was born with all the advantages and everything works out to one’s favor.
—Ian (WOS 11)
I was pretty down... Not in the “I really want that chick” sense, but rather in the “there has been some damage to the structural integrity of my ego” sense.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 11)
Maybe this is a place where people with colorful hopes and sad realities come to find a way.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
So I went to New York to become a starving artist, but I didn’t have enough money to starve.
—Cat Clinger (WOS 11)
Break glass in case of fire. (Or confusing e-mails.)
—The Brass Duck (WOS 11)
Ahhh. The beauty of a good mocha. Has it been so long? How could one forget? Like forgetting the Island of Transcendence in a good sneeze or orgasm.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
It’s just like Geneva. I get people coming up to me off the street, telling me their life stories because I am behind a desk.
—Cat Clinger (WOS 11)
The rabbis aren’t exactly holier. They’re just kind of the ones with life’s instruction manual.
—Weenie the Learned (WOS 11)
I’m building a tree house. Not your run of the mill tree house, but rather a culmination of vernacular structure, coupled with phenomenological design, and just a dash of spatial transition.
—Roark (WOS 11)
Why don’t you write a paper on the protocols of the Elders of McDonalds?
—Cat Clinger (WOS 11)
There is a saying that if you question God in Catholicism, you are a heretic, but if you question God in Judaism, you are a rabbi.
—Weenie the Learned (WOS 11)
This is the sort of country where you can’t even get a non-smoking section in your own bathroom while taking a shower.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I just had a look at the rest of my life, and it doesn’t look very well paid. (So drink! Drink up!)
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Urine will find a way.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
I am new to smoking. In fact, I haven’t even started.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
As they say in the Czech Republic, time on the internet is valuable, so keep in touch, hang tough, hang ten, hasta la vista, kill them commies in a cesspool of hell, don’t count your chickens before you send in your taxes and I’m outta here.
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 11)
It can be an asset to never stop living life as if you are a tourist, even in your own space.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
And he said, well, you could always keep going to school and get your masters in business. And I said, what kind of madman do you think I am? Not that kind, I’m not.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
My darling, I fear I must bear to you the most sorrowful news. Our midnight haven to Middle Eastern fast food, warmth and comfort has gone dark. Probably by method of some monstrous public health edict or other such prejudice.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
Death is kind of universal, I think.
—Weenie the Learned (WOS 11)
Often when I am filling out my tax forms, I think, why not run my family as a limited liability company? I would get more benefits from the government.
—Doctor Koruna (WOS 11)
Neon just doesn’t go out of style. (The signs, I mean.)
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
Somewhere in all of this, spring arrived. I never saw it coming because of all the false starts. But now I will have a Prague spring of my own.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Now I’m slim, trim and ready to give in.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Why should I go to sleep? I would only have to wake up again.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Too many white people dancing in Europe.
—Avante Bronx (WOS 11)
He is 62; so a young politician by Italian or Japanese standards.
—The Questioning Diplomat (WOS 11)
I’ll be back on the international streamline this fall, digging into the flesh of cultural ambiguity and whatnot.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 11)
It was a little strange. I resigned, they took it well, then they fired me.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I’m sure I’ll miss school, like a prisoner of war misses his torturer, or like a pig misses his/her butcher, or like your momma misses... never mind.
—Perspective (WOS 11)
I don’t care how beautiful she is, how warm and friendly and genuine -- the second she pinches her lower lip, dabs a hunk of Skoal in there and stuffs it down with her tongue -- Let’s face it, she loses points.
—The Watcher (WOS 11)
Disintegration is contagious.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Skinheads sleeping in your living room at 5:50 in the morning is absolutely not my department.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
It was a complicated bit of topographical arrangement.
—De Afrikaner (WOS 11)
Editor’s note: ‘Your Momma’ in this case refers to a greater societal entity, rather than a specific figure of maternity. Such as to say, ‘your momma’ when there is no other appropriate response.
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 11)
Rob me of my pessimism and then what do I have?
—Nomad (WOS 11)
There I was, perched atop this fine rock, having my morning constitutional, when around the bend trotted 20 girl scouts.
—De Afrikaner (WOS 11)
Whoa, hold it, listen to me. I have lived the Life of Riley, and this here ain’t it.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
So, girls who make love to fall in love -- that’s maybe 2%. If you meet one, give her my number.
—The Merry Czech Republican (WOS 11)
Positive thinking is not bad.
—Bright Studentka (WOS 11)
So, you know me, not much on length -- when it comes to letterwriting.
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 11)
Sometimes you have to go to Prague’s Old Town Square to see Scots in kilts dancing arm in arm to Louisiana blues.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
When I walk there, I look respectfully (ashamedly?) away. Most of them smile and let me pass. Only the most desperate stand in my way and grab at my crotch.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Sometimes you vie for positioning, sometimes you just listen and ask questions because your curiosity or your desire to be a friend win out over your attraction. Either way, you become The Confidant at 8:01 p.m. or 4 in the morning.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I’m like flypaper to the most psychotic elements of the fairer sex.
—The Flying Dutchman (WOS 11)
I had my girl’s father get my passport stamped without even leaving the country, I saw an eight hundred year old monastery, I plucked strawberries from the patch, and I just emptied an entire clip from a CZ. It’s been a good day.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Don’t tell me I’m not dedicated to garage sales. I once got up at three o’clock in the morning and left the country to go to a garage sale.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Take a deep whiff of this bar of pink soap. This, this, THIS is the smell of communism.
—Barbie the Younger (WOS 11)
I have an irrepressible stomach.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
But fruit is a hidden plural, you see, and there is the problem.
—De Afrikaner (WOS 11)
I’m the sort of person who runs to catch other people’s trains.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
—The Flying Dutchman (WOS 11)
Being drunk is like viewing life through a live action internet camera -- viewing is in occasional snapshots.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Krakow’s alright, it’s just not all it’s cracked up to be.
—De Afrikaner (WOS 11)
I don’t know exactly what my faults are. But they seem to be overcome for non-North-and-South-American women by my American Englishness.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I was doing some brilliant haceks last night.
—De Afrikaner (WOS 11)
I sometimes imagine myself as a priest. Then I remember how much I value pre-marital sex and that I’m an atheist at heart.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
This ice cold beer: it isn’t heaven, but it’s somewhere on the road there.
—De Afrikaner (WOS 11)
In Bohemia, you can hear the ice cream truck from all ends of the valley.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Kudos to you for the brave consumption of said repellent yogurt.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
My dress is starting to be too short (all of a sudden.)
—Kraska (WOS 11)
This has been a message from the Land of Master Lovegum, where the emphasis isn’t on killing two birds with one stone, just killing two birds.
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 11)
He already has my daughter. Why shouldn’t he have my swimming suit, too?
—The Good Soldier Zdenek (WOS 11)
I just took a dump in the oldest inn of all Germany. And I feel pretty good about that.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Munich has a big sky.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
We say that you are living “like God in France.”
—Jowly Hondmeester (WOS 11)
There are many beautiful women in Czechoslovakia. Too many.
—The Dutch Bosnian (WOS 11)
Yes, higher education is good, but listen. A good plumber is hardly to be had anymore.
—Fisher (WOS 11)
Yes, they taste good, but they aren’t very healthy no matter how you cook them. They’re radioactive.
—Kraska (WOS 11)
Yeah, you’re right, we have the same teeth. I guess we’re gonna hafta get married.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Things are pretty quiet at a height of 88 hundred meters. Providing you aren’t dive-bombing with a hundred other passengers to your fiery conclusion.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
It’s hard to be a humanist when you realize you don’t really like most people.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
Take me to your lederhosen.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
So what if someone was a baker, and he just got sick of the dough?
—Fraulein RA (WOS 11)
Are you crazy? Hair is not hair! What kind of language do you speak?
—Kraska (WOS 11)
Yes, it was very nice. We had a fire and then the next morning they gave us a big American breakfast -- you know, with all kinds of food that doesn’t go together.
—Kraska (WOS 11)
Ahh, you are going to make an airport! Mnyum.
—Kraska (WOS 11)
Well, also, I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t slusny. I am slusny, but not too slusny.
—Kraska (WOS 11)
Duration limited with these guys, you know?
—Agent Peludo (WOS 11)
What are you spinning over there... Tires?
—Da Tuttle (WOS 11)
You tried this hydrogenated creamer yet? Mess you up.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
No way. Pinto beans are just not photogenic.
—Inquester (WOS 11)
Some guys are just guys, if you know what I mean.
—Miss Hotsy Totsy Evolutionary Coolness (WOS 11)
The number one attribute in a prospective mate comes down to hygiene. I don’t care if you’re a Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, go wash under your fingernails.
—Miss Hotsy Totsy Evolutionary Coolness (WOS 11)
I’d believe in God if only I could experience consistent, unassisted mutual orgasm.
—Hrbitov Nightrain (WOS 11)
Pathetic fallacy set the stage for the clasping of our two souls.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Today, death is a knot in my stomach.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
What? She thinks you’re too short? Tell her it all equals out horizontally.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 11)
One day I woke up and the whole world just told me to be gay. Of course, I didn’t go with it because I had my own agenda, but it was weird.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
A good book has once more become valid. Albeit as a warm refuge for a man steeped in the error and inefficiencies of the world, but valid nonetheless.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
If you keep people apart, you can sell them things to make them feel closer.
—Gaycynic (WOS 11)
Don’t underestimate the power of mind worms.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
If you have any concerns with the language, just consult some of us clergy. We’ve got experience. We’ve been cutting people’s throats politely for years.
—Big Ole Presbyt (WOS 11)
You can’t own feelings. You have to give love freely and let it go freely.
—Latasha (WOS 11)
I’m like a guy who strolls across a speedy freeway and always manages to get across without a scratch, but then complains about all the exhaust.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Oh! She got you a globe. How nice. Then you can say, “Well, let’s see, I have a girl here, and here, and here...”
—Gwok (WOS 11)
She pays for all our sins -- and I’m runnin’ up the tab!
—Majere Mirror (WOS 11)
I look at life like a burglar in a big mansion. You don’t want to waste time getting just one big thing. So I grab a lotta little stuff and run.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
He wants a cubicle with a view.
—Perspective (WOS 11)
I’m tired of cooking in darkness, and he showed me the light.
—Miss Construed (WOS 11)
Blood is wetter than marriage.
—Perspective (WOS 11)
It’s all tight.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Four months after living in a world, a guy discovers the word that expresses a custom he had to observe there several times daily.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I can feel the cold coming on. The call of fall is swallowed by rich evil cold ice love hope death.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Excuse me, but I have to go check on the hops fields.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 11)
The insidious thing about alcohol and the concurrent drunkenness one experiences as a result of its generous consumption is the at-least second or two extra delay of perception to cognition.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Boy, you’re broadcastin’ when you should be tunin’ in.
—Off the Mark (WOS 11)
The garlic chicken was more fulfilling than expected. However, I have obligations to the beer.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
I did not say I do not believe in the gods. I just think it’s very interesting that the gods need the encouragement of men.
—The Blue Orc Cavalier (WOS 11)
Yeah, I have issues... Do we have a shovel or a pitchfork somewhere or not?
—Miss Hotsy Totsy Evolutionary Coolness (WOS 11)
How many times can I take money out of the bank before it’s gonna cost me?
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Boy, you smell like you need a whuppin’.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
I’d rather not tell you to shut up. I’d rather have you yelling at me and then try to embarrass you.
—Token (WOS 11)
I err on the side of fun.
—Inquester (WOS 11)
Morals are fattening?
—Cool Fury (WOS 11)
When you’re feeling sexy you just feel right. It’s like a ray of sunshine has come down on you and just slapped you on the ass.
—Croc Girl (WOS 11)
Politically, free is a four-letter word.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Sports are the opium for the masses. I think Star Wars is opium for the masses, too.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 11)
I realized I wasn’t asking the right question. Instead of asking, “Do I feel secure and happy in this decision?” I needed to be asking, “Is there any other decision I can imagine that would make me feel better?”
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Watch out that dad doesn’t get a grater when we aren’t looking.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
Gay men have the luxury most heterosexuals do not appreciate: that of the easy separation of sex and love when it is desirable.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
The mule was... of age.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 11)
The capacity for amnesia is great.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
The face was not quite so red as the digital shows it. Still, alcohol was alcohol.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
To his credit, he never screwed around with a cold watermelon.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 11)
Some days, like today, on a brown Chinese junk of great but unpretentious finery, under the auspices of the Gypsy Kings and Bryan Adams unplugged, and beneath a glowing Prazky hrad in the black sky, you wish you could scoop up excess happiness in a bottle for later.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Airports seem like the worst place you could possibly have to reacquaint yourself with America. But, since few people walk or swim overseas, it seems to be the most common.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
He took BB gun shots and blanket-pulling injuries from me. Yeah, he was my bitch.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
Lazer tag unites even while one destroys.
—the dark penguin (WOS 11)
There is a proficiency you acquire after some weeks that I will call Free Form Public Transport Riding.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
Man, if she dallied, I was there.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
The only thing I regret is that I’m talking in the past tense.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
This is the sort of country where blacksmiths wipe their coal-smudged brows and take a break from the anvil to make calls on their cell phones.
—Nomad (WOS 11)
The rugged West and nicotine. Nothing more naturally matched for one’s international marketing dollar.
—Ian (WOS 11)
Even the times I wasn’t being sadistic to you, we had good times together.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
I don’t know, man. I think evil comes in pink satin shirts.
—Perspective (WOS 11)
He controls history because he talks the most.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 11)
The greater the amount of your life that is monopolized by activity rewarded almost solely by money, the more you spend your small amounts of free time monopolized spending it.
—Ian (WOS 10)
Well, hogwash my ass and call me Sparky!
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Architects are weird. They don't sleep, they build fucking Barbie doll houses.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
I am a prime candidate for a mid-life crisis. If I last that long.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Every breath a frontier.
—Gaycynic (WOS 10)
My father told me, I would rather you be a prostitute than teach at KU.
—Mama Marketing (WOS 10)
I would like some women in my water.
—Inquester (WOS 10)
Life is full of adventure. All you have to do is root it out.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
You know me. I was snooping around the backwaters of her mind.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 10)
For good times and happy daze, I'm the Kool Kid to Kall.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 10)
Who am I, spinning?
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Never let your parents have children.
—Darker Exist (WOS 10)
Well, it's an amber light right now. It's like when you knock on somebody's door. Sometimes you have to wait for them to answer. If you just bust in, she might call the cops on you.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
That pisses me off like a race horse.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
As it is, I now have a soft, moody, low-lit but energetic memory to color my Pig Canvas.
—the dark penguin (WOS 10)
It's not dinner conversation. The microwave is passé.
—Gwok (WOS 10)
That's alright. I'll just talk to someone unattractive, who'll be nice to me.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 10)
I can lift stuff, I just can't carry it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 10)
You're so P.C., you recycle your waste.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 10)
Ah, yes, nothing like ox's blood. Errr… err… Marinara sauce.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 10)
And so I got on my belly to stalk the goose.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 10)
But you'd do it in a restaurant. And you'd GET sweaty.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 10)
Yeah, he brings out the Judaism in everybody.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
I am glad you have a dog now so that you can love someone without feeling uncomfortable around him.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Charcoal's everybody's color.
—The Queen of Bean (WOS 10)
I don't mind being wrong, it's just being so damned consistent about it that gets me.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 10)
Gimme some luvin. Just be in touch with my humanity.
—SOBAH (WOS 10)
We are helpless before the onslaught of the mundane.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 10)
Let me tell you, buddy, I'd rather read a dictionary than a Bible anyday.
—Inquester (WOS 10)
Yeah, but she might fuck somebody else and think of you, though.
—Grill Sergeant (WOS 10)
I am truly an individual who enjoyed my mother's uterus.
—Simone (WOS 10)
You'd listen to your daughterif she knew what she was talking about. And someday I'll know what I'm talking about.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 10)
Up! What? Have you seen my list? It goes on for… Sentences.
—Gwok (WOS 10)
Oh no! Why are you doing gang signs at the dinner table?
—Gwok (WOS 10)
Money doesn't buy happiness. But it buys the illusion of happiness. And if you buy enough illusions…
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
I used to get this kind of ecstasy from quesadillas.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
I know, I'm a freaky bastard. Deal with it. I do.
—Lawrence (WOS 10)
You know, they may not be rich, but they have some good trauma.
—Mother Minnie Mouse (WOS 10)
It's real Mexican. To the point that there's a baby crying in the next room.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
You smell faintly reminiscent of smoke and strawberries.
—Inquester (WOS 10)
You're like a Kafka character. (Man, I thought it was just literature.)
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
You don't have to grill in camoflauge. The vegetarians don't kill things.
—Inquester (WOS 10)
It's my chocolate time of the month.
—Simone (WOS 10)
She may have mentioned something about getting sick in the heart about me in a deliberately casual way.
—Lawrence (WOS 10)
It's like the freedom of speech; you use it but you don't abuse it. That's my philosophy on peppers.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
Well, I wasn't spreading prose butter.
—Lawrence (WOS 10)
You guys wanna have some fun?… No, wait, nothing sexual… Let's go to the Natural History Museum and check out the holotypes.
—Iguana Girl (WOS 10)
When I'm eating, I don't know you.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
I just know about using that kiwi on myself that one time when I was six.
—Latasha (WOS 10)
It is better to be in trouble than to be ignored.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 10)
Gambling is a recreation for the math-impaired.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
When the temperature drops to zero, it gets cold. And I don't have to be there to know it.
—Gwok (WOS 10)
It's just that sometimes you odn't want to admit those things. It's like admitting, Oh, I'm such a Hopkins.
—Simone (WOS 10)
No confessions. That's not my style. I grew out of it.
—The Ukrainian Viewpoint (WOS 10)
Or you'll what? Open up a can of super-deluxe Whup-Tron on me? I don't think so.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Those boys. There are no boundaries to your self-satisfaction.
—The Ukrainian Viewpoint (WOS 10)
(Use Me As You Please.) I like it.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
Bathrooms should be a fun place!
—The White Dove (WOS 10)
Oh, sure, I turn my back, and all of a sudden it's, "Throw raisins at the white guy!"
—Inquester (WOS 10)
I don't find vomit funny, for example.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
The content of an exam, mm, sometimes does weird things to people.
—Kirk Goodlife (WOS 10)
The questions were a helluva lot of fun. We just didn't come up with any answers.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
Maybe with women, the best rise to the top. Evidently that's not always so with men.
—Gwok (WOS 10)
My happiness seems all too dependent upon my perceived ability to tackle the universe.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Hm, I think what I need right now is a warm, cozy fire and a big, black butt plug and I'd be set.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 10)
Well, some people, in today's vernacular, would be "totally creeped out."
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
You don't have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. But it's probably about time to decide where to start.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
Don't stay somewhere and have a big pity party. Be a victor.
—Big Woman on Campus (WOS 10)
Some people try to make a political "hey" out of this.
—No Hard Mule (WOS 10)
I think I'm lactose intolerant. And drinking milk only seems to make it worse.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 10)
Hey, while you're down there, could you help me with something? Could you pull the underwear outta my butt?
—de la Arkbed (WOS 10)
Hey, what's the deal, man? They're calling my integrity into question. I could go in and just grab a tree.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
Hey. You know what? The capillaries on your eyelids look like lightning bolts.
—de la Arkbed (WOS 10)
You were born to be a sprocket.
—Manhandler (WOS 10)
No, I wasn't masturbating, I was simply fluffing my pubes.
—The White Dove (WOS 10)
Wh wants to see an open toilet looking up at you, anyway?
—Inquester (WOS 10)
Go ahead and chastise me; I will take it under consideration.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
Actually, you should know this about me. There are a great many things which I know nothing about. Katamendhu is one of them.
—Inquester (WOS 10)
Yeah, that's my only constellation.
—Inquester (WOS 10)
I figured best just not to make the money funky.
—Mona Ballcap (WOS 10)
You can tell so much about people by the garbage.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
I just can't go with pop tarts. I've tried. They just don't do it for me, man.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
I would like to be a reptile once in awhile. You only have to eat once every two weeks. And you even get to eat rats.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
What does the name Mike mean? Godlike? I'd rather be kingly. Who wants to be schizophrenic and invisible?
—Inquester (WOS 10)
It's my favorite holiday of the year because it legitimizes the turning of the world upside down.
—Kirk Goodlife (WOS 10)
Everything's relative. It's the '60s. Let's all gather at the river, hold hands and sing hymns.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
In a Great Books course, there is the claim that these individual books capture the essence of an age. That claim is problematic.
—Kirk Goodlife (WOS 10)
I guess I thought it was more important to marry the right person than to marry the person with the right pedigree.
—Gwok (WOS 10)
The sage advice of the window washer is, Don't step back to admire your work.
—Radio-Empowered (WOS 10)
WOAH-WOAH, hey boss, chill down, Waco… Texas. Hey, Hey, What's the deal here? I think you are ready to marry. --Wrongo, Buffalo Breath.
—Chorito Brothers in Cacophony (WOS 10)
I guess I'm old-fashioned enough to think that a man has to be ready enough to propose on his own or its bad for the marriage.
—Gwok (WOS 10)
Radical doubting at his level requires a high degree of leisure. (It's class-specific.)
—Kirk Goodlife (WOS 10)
I'm going to let it incubate in my mind.
—Simone (WOS 10)
It'll choke like the big dog. Memphis expression. Ever seen a big dog choke? It's not pretty.
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
Oh my God. You are a sneeze swallower. I don't know if we can still be friends.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
It's so good to talk to you. You are intoxicating.
—Simone (WOS 10)
You know what? You are infectious.
—Gaea (WOS 10)
I stopped building TV stations. I was afraid I would lose my soul. (I never watch it.)
—THE TRUTH CONSULTANT (WOS 10)
I smell what you are breathing.
—The Mexican Danish (WOS 10)
Don't marry someone you can live with. Marry someone you cannot live without.
—Lofted Power (WOS 10)
That's what people say. But they keep feeding me different flavors and nothing happens.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
He is my drug of choice.
—Louise's Throw-out (WOS 10)
I never had a Barbie. I just had a monkey named Zip.
—Chi Speaker (WOS 10)
If she says no, where are you? Just where you started.
—The Professional Player (WOS 10)
I got no problem eating babe. Oops. I gotta go.
—Nomad (WOS 10)
She's full of it - but love this time.
—The Existential King of Concrete (WOS 10)
I’m in charge of dead fish?
—Gwok (WOS 9)
You haven’t said a damned thing this morning, and that’s too much.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
It’s safe to say that the Oregon Trail wailed.
—Perspective (WOS 9)
Oh, I got a new neutron blaster. I’m gonna take a dump.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
I just got cut on your swan.
—the dark penguin (WOS 9)
Yeah, douche-slamming makes everyone crazy.
—Perspective (WOS 9)
Actually, I think nine’s a little late to be teaching him world conquest, but I gotta make up for lost time.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
She’s my lady, my partner in grind.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
Hey, no, you can’t put that in your book. C’mon!
—Everybody (WOS 9)
She’s always been the melee monkey in this crowd.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
Let the girl have her teeth.
—Fane (WOS 9)
It’s better to think you’re in control and have sex than to think you’re in control and not have sex.
—Eyes O' Night (WOS 9)
Hey, aren’t you gonna put that in your book?
—Everybody (WOS 9)
My whole life’s been leading to the conclusion that Kevin Costner is crazy.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
Oh, like when your feet get older with age?
—Harmonie (WOS 9)
We’re very thankful this Christmas that none of our body parts fell off.
—Homina John (WOS 9)
If one of us was a chick, we’d probably make a pretty good couple.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 9)
Jeesh! Whaddya want from me? I let you rub my fatted calf.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Two out of three members of the Holy Family were without sin. And Joseph was a great guy, too.
—Hippdaddy (WOS 9)
It’s a lot easier to conquer the universe in the morning than take a shower.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
Jeesh! One single indiscretion and there goes your reputation; it’s all nights in shady motels.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 9)
Let’s stop talking about that. I’m outnumbered, I’m outclassed, and I’m wrong.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
That’s about as submissive as I want to get.
—Gwok (WOS 9)
What a patchwork of little hidden wounds and potshots I become. Do other people live like this?
—Holden (WOS 9)
You’re always taller than I remember.
—The Queen of Bean (WOS 9)
If you were a dog, would your leg be thumping?
—The White Dove (WOS 9)
Insert facial expression here -- FFffft!
—Inquester (WOS 9)
Does the awkwardness of being new fade?
—Don Justo Aviso (WOS 9)
Proceed with 4000-foot descent. Commence with emergency yawning and festive Gaelic folk music therapy. Over.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
I will not yield to the fashion terrorists.
—Dencoze (WOS 9)
Fiendish... But to be expected.
—Dencoze (WOS 9)
Your next point is the point of no return, girlfriend.
—Perspective (WOS 9)
WACO (Texas.) Hey, where is Waco? Anyway?
—Nomad (WOS 9)
What’s a diva? Is that a female she-goddess?
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Hmmm... A recommendation? Well, that place is better than our Denny’s.
—El Centro (WOS 9)
That must be the neo-classic version.
—Celery Spice (WOS 9)
I got a lotta toughestrogen.
—Shafali (WOS 9)
I am surrounded by apocalypse lately.
—Inquester (WOS 9)
Funnily enough, by Hitlerian logic, the atheist is half-Jewish.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
You’re on a Star Trek level. Everybody else is here. Like on Star Trek, all problems are solved. It’s like Marxism, but it works.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 9)
Yeah, maybe we could go out to the playground and invite some more students for a beer later.
—Shavenrose the Finder (WOS 9)
I think it’s time for a paradigm shift of subtle proportions.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 9)
So this guy tells me he’s Don, like I’m supposed to be impressed. No, he says, I’m The Don. I guess that’s a big deal.
—Shavenrose the Finder (WOS 9)
You know, it’s easier to talk to God than to you tech support people. And sometimes I get better results.
—The Faceless Indian (WOS 9)
I refuse to take responsibility for other people’s pubes.
—SOBAH (WOS 9)
Oh, I tell you, we are God’s children. So, so righteous.
—Great Wise Open (WOS 9)
My man-side is gay.
—Dainty Amazon (WOS 9)
Religion is the study of people, not divinity.
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
I think you have low carbonation standards.
—Inquester (WOS 9)
We have to keep you discontent to keep the economy going.
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
It’s risky being you in public.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 9)
Why would a kangaroo hang itself? Kangaroos got every reason to live.
—SOBAH (WOS 9)
You know what? You’re all right. I like you a lot. If I had a daughter, I’d let you date her.
—Shavenrose the Finder (WOS 9)
Yeah, I caught your dangling participle.
—SOBAH (WOS 9)
I’m a dauntless fag? Maybe that’s why I keep having problems with women.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
I don’t hate them, but the Bible says to. I’m the nice guy, but God’s the rat.
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
I kind of think everyone’s back should be a foothold for me.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Yeah. Breathing is fun when you do it right.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
That is not what I’ve had first-hand experience of.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Leave the crying to them. They have all the estrogen for it.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
That depends on where your conventional wisdom is located.
—Taking Down Yellosub (WOS 9)
Anything that you experience, if it’s real, you have to invest something of yourself in it to get it. But you never get all of your deposit back -- you never have you without that experience again.
—Ian (WOS 9)
We have successfully negotiated the Wong issue.
—Inquester (WOS 9)
Their relationship is ghostly and fleeting like the Nachtwacht.
—A Reader (WOS 9)
You may have your opinion, but I won’t test you on your opinion.
—Singing Psyche (WOS 9)
The Post Office is a monopoly. You can’t say, well, I’m going to take my business elsewhere.
—Lion's Share (WOS 9)
It was a bad day to be sitting around in combat fatigues.
—the dark penguin (WOS 9)
I never understood the criticism, “He thinks he’s so right.” You want him to act on beliefs he doesn’t believe?
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
Of course, poverty is no excuse to kill anybody, either. I’m against it.
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
Oh, I’m a marine, ready to fight everybody, but I don’t want to shower with a gay. He might see my wee-wee.
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
In the quiet where people live, this body image is some spooky stuff.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 9)
Would you like a little cholesterol with that heartache?
—Nomad (WOS 9)
She dropped you faster than a Middle East peace accord.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
He said that? Oh, he’s not very nice in his own body.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 9)
You don’t have a hair problem with me, Sister.
—SOBAH (WOS 9)
Yeah, mums are more like dirty shirts.
—Mustang Sally (WOS 9)
The goal of a bar is to play as many games and to get you as confused as possible so you’ll stay longer and buy more drinks.
—Gaycynic (WOS 9)
As you know, life is only temporary. Eternity is forever. Go have a scotch and soda, you’ll feel better.
—Gabe (WOS 9)
You must make the Post Office your friend. You CANNOT have the Post Office mad at you.
—Lion's Share (WOS 9)
There IS no Forever. It’s just whether you die before you stop loving that person.
—Freshly Squeezed (WOS 9)
Well, I’m here to tell you that Love has a darker side... Sexuality is the same way.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 9)
Never try to make a woman happy. It will displease you both.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
You’re in America. Fuck American.
—Freshly Squeezed (WOS 9)
I’m an emotional mercenary right now. If you’ll gimme the emotional goods, I’ll put out all over.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Well, sometimes it’s been messed up, but like never before.
—Perspective (WOS 9)
What kind of world do you live in where Bill Cosby is a concern?
—Taking Down Yellosub (WOS 9)
I’m kind of like Columbo sometimes: badly dressed and asking all these stupid questions.
—Curly the Inspired (WOS 9)
People make me lonely.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Son, there is nothing dorky about being warm.
—Mother of Snow (WOS 9)
I’ve never been a big fan of humility.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
I only had 2 public cracks.
—S&M (WOS 9)
He wanted me to put lotion on his face; I’d been cleaning out cracks.
—Happy Hopi (WOS 9)
Oh, you’re a book tease.
—The Stoic Vacationer (WOS 9)
I’m making a list of things to do, and you’re not included.
—MissPlay (WOS 9)
I don’t have any Playboys. I’d flunk out of school.
—Ole' (WOS 9)
No wonder it takes so long for a feminist to get up here.
—MissPlay (WOS 9)
I want to be a brain surgeon. I’d cut your brain in half and separate the right from the left so you couldn’t function.
—Ole' (WOS 9)
I have to get away from the insanity of all this getting away from the insanity.
—The Stoic Vacationer (WOS 9)
Rage Lei Against Po the Dog Machine.
—Spring Crushers (WOS 9)
I pinned her to the wall and she offered me money... By the end of the week, she was my crack whore.
—Spring Crushers (WOS 9)
I think you guys are pretty adept at catching bullshit.
—Great Wise Open (WOS 9)
When I was younger, it was so simple. I was Catholic.
—Herp (WOS 9)
It’s interesting that the Jewish divorce rate is still lower. Our holidays are longer, which is very divorce-friendly.
—Aggie Aerobics Queen (WOS 9)
It’s just like sucking on a penny.
—Miss Construed (WOS 9)
When this madness is over, the two of us should get together and make sweet, sweet, L... Lemonade. Yeah, what were you thinking?
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 9)
Remember my good friend, until our paths cross again we will be waiting for those very same paths to cross once more.
—Perspective (WOS 9)
I brake for militant sodomites.
—Taking Down Yellosub (WOS 9)
That just proves that whatever comes natural to you is just wrong.
—DC Fiance (WOS 9)
I really want to do something spontaneous, and I’ve been planning it for a long time.
—Inquester (WOS 9)
It’s never hard to work a homosexual in.
—Mr. Editor (WOS 9)
You look just like my dead fish.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 9)
Man, everybody keeps cutting the threads!
—Little Man (WOS 9)
Let’s get the brownies. You have to have chocolate when you talk about soulmates.
—The White Dove (WOS 9)
I’m like a female Columbo except that I’m young and I dress well.
—Redbychoice (WOS 9)
You amaze me. You do so well, and you don’t even have a program to get with.
—SOBAH (WOS 9)
Oh, look, I can write on the board now... Oh, I can’t stop writing on the board now.
—Curly the Inspired (WOS 9)
We are the oratorical nuclear bomb.
—Ill Communicator (WOS 9)
When one sees a fluffy thing, one must pounce with great vigor, for he who merely meanders never really looks that cute.
—Dr. Lovegum (WOS 9)
Living with my daughters has been like living a music video.
—Curly the Inspired (WOS 9)
You got it. You got the comedic chops, baby.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 9)
Mental note: do not put head upside down and push face together.
—Pepper In Training (WOS 9)
I kept waiting for her to split apart. She’s like a big... ball joint.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 9)
Man, shit costs money.
—Jester's Prophet (WOS 9)
The only men for me are those dead presidents... Jefferson, McKinley, they can come wrap their arms around me with that “hey-baby-baby.”
—Latasha (WOS 9)
What do you think about monogamy?... I think people fulfill you in different ways.
—Goddess of the Bottle Dance (WOS 9)
What the hell do I need a man for? If he do my feet, THEN maybe. A man who’d work my bunions, that’d be worth havin’.
—Latasha (WOS 9)
There’s something very sexy about your balls slapping against someone’s butt cheeks. Slap! Slap! Slap!
—Inquester (WOS 9)
I didn’t read that. In fact, it sucked. I hated it.
—Abu Rider the Greek Chinese, Beauty’s Mistress (WOS 9)
He doesn’t care what you guys say about him. He rises above it or sleeps through it.
—Eyes O' Night (WOS 9)
It’s things like Twisted Sister that really make me realize I’m American.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
That’s why I never use mustard unless I’m wearing my fishing clothes.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 9)
Never bet with an old man, unless it’s about new technology.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
Your knife can’t handle my tuna.
—SOBAH (WOS 9)
Sometimes I wish I had my own animals and I could slaughter them.
—The White Dove (WOS 9)
Well, this is the thing. You see, it sucks being me.
—Abu Rider the Greek Chinese, Beauty’s Mistress (WOS 9)
I have a nice monogamous relationship with my job. I don’t work anywhere else and nobody else does my work.
—Perspective (WOS 9)
Real things are expensive in America.
—Estrogenical Lineager (WOS 9)
All she left me with was the memory and the desire.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Oh yeah. This is the most important thing. Chinese food in China -- it’s nasty.
—Abu Rider the Greek Chinese, Beauty’s Mistress (WOS 9)
I really haven’t drank very much lately. In fact, the last time I drank was last night.
—Dainty Amazon (WOS 9)
There has been an explosion of Brazilians in my life.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
I hated that my brother had the same last name. My mom, that was okay, but my brother just popped in and had my last name.
—The Ukrainian Viewpoint (WOS 9)
So, in short, I’ll settle for heaven.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 9)
No shit. You can see the future in those glasses.
—Helluva Gorilla (WOS 9)
You are just like a cracker.
—The Ukrainian Viewpoint (WOS 9)
I may not have morals, but at least I have standards.
—The Stripping Biker (WOS 9)
I think we’re talking Parallelogram City here.
—Trusty Hattrick (WOS 9)
He has an expensive Coke habit. He was at the pop machine 3 times in 30 minutes.
—Burning Missionary Filer (WOS 9)
We have a situation with the tear-out page.
—Burning Missionary Filer (WOS 9)
No, I’m not a rich man. I just love my life more than my money.
—Persian A'Smilin (WOS 9)
Let her buck.
—Trusty Hattrick (WOS 9)
I get toasted at every turn.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
I could’ve been Scottish.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
When did you first learn to hide from people?
—The Ukrainian Viewpoint (WOS 9)
I should’ve been Brazilian. They’re loud and obnoxious, overbearingly touchy-feely and excitable. I can relate.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Don’t get your tooties in a fruity, honey.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 9)
Can you see him getting up there like that? Not unless he lost a lure or was getting some beer.
—Nomad (WOS 9)
Racing through the moist and pungent smell of ripe corn, Vivaldi comes crashing down around him.
—the dark penguin (WOS 9)
The greater the amount of your life that is monopolized by activity rewarded almost solely by money, the more you spend your small amounts of free time monopolized spending it.
—Ian (WOS 9)
I don’t like my car being affected by things outside my responsibility, like Acts of God or other people’s ignorance.
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
I am MISTER Ball Rolling.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
I instigate no ruckii.
—the dark penguin (WOS 8)
Everyone who comes into this house gets a little frisky.
—Miss Construed (WOS 8)
Boxers are like chicks, clingy but not supportive.
—Perspective (WOS 8)
You leave a door wide open, you can’t expect somebody not to come right in.
—Gaea (WOS 8)
I wish I were Elvis. I’d be dead, but man, I’d be rich.
—Uberman (WOS 8)
I’m looking forward to totally not walking very much.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 8)
I have good Catholic credentials. I could invite over the Jesuit Boys Club.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
My horse pees neatly.
—The Mad Madagascan (WOS 8)
I am so much James Earl Jones.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
The University is like the Church: It’s full of so much shit, but I love it.
—Great Wise Open (WOS 8)
I was going to sleep, but I thought, How often do you have people in peach robes dancing and feasting on your ceiling?
—Inquester (WOS 8)
If I brought all my intellectual assets to bear... It would hurt.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 8)
I’m getting a little frisky. Everybody duck!
—the dark penguin (WOS 8)
I think I feel a fetish coming on.
—Beenie Weenie (WOS 8)
I’m desanitized! Lick my finger!
—The Brass Duck (WOS 8)
Well, you can change your shirt even if you can’t change your underwear.
—Homina John (WOS 8)
I had two girl scouts under me.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 8)
She is pretty, even if she is blonde. She has a young, porcelain-pixie face and a to-die-for Canadian accent.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 8)
Help! I’m being refuted!
—Belle (WOS 8)
I’m de-socializing.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
You get my hair, I’ll get your curtain.
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
It’s all illusion, baby. It’s just how you fabricate it.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
I miss Pokchi. I would eat his fish now.
—Mother Theresa (WOS 8)
Oh, Job! I’ve heard wonderful things about that being a horrible book.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
I’m a self-indulgent dancer. I don’t need you.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
It’s so startling to step on a nail. You don’t know what happened for awhile... It sucks.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 8)
It’s just that horse germs and people germs are two entirely different things.
—The Mad Madagascan (WOS 8)
It was a great little movie about love, fish, women, and dj’s. Need I say more?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Oh, that? That’s just the Hari-Krishnas running around up there. They’re a bit rowdier than the Mennonites.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
I could be safe in any Western World country... Maybe not Prague; I’d be set up in jail perhaps, on the meal program.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
It’s all very paradoxical. Because you live in common, you come out unique.
—Great Wise Open (WOS 8)
You’re just trying to take advantage of the whole 4 a.m. factor.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I don’t have to go to church. I live in one.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
What, is this guy a bagpipe-tease or what?
—Nomad (WOS 8)
We are all equal in the eyes of the toilet.
—the dark penguin (WOS 8)
This class is like Geraldo.
—Cultural Nonentity (WOS 8)
You’re so in the closet, you’re decorating.
—McMan (WOS 8)
I was anally motivated.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 8)
Hon, when you get that right, come back and say it again.
—McMan (WOS 8)
If nothing else, I am always a diversion.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
Who needs drugs when you have love?
—OralFix (WOS 8)
Castro is cool. He quit smoking, you know.
—Prophetboy (WOS 8)
Large breasts are starting to grow on me.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
You may have a kernel of truth there, but I’m eating the whole goddammed popcorn, so no little kernel is going to make a difference.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
He is eager, no, almost desperate, to make certain that we realize there is more to the world than America. Well, I do. There’s Canada, for example.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 8)
She was an emotional accident waiting to happen on the road.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
The beauty of it is that the triumphant form is whatever I desire.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I look around and think everybody is crazy but you and me. And sometimes I wonder about you.
—Monkeyboy Floyd the Screw-tailed Shrimp (WOS 8)
I’m at the top end of the ugly stick, you know what I mean?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I’m instant, huh?
—Nomad (WOS 8)
Don’t keep bugging us or we’ll go postal on you.
—Johnny's Cultist (WOS 8)
You’re the Prince of Preposterous Proposals! You should be caged.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
In the eyes of love there is no tomorrow. Eternity begins today.
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
Dude. There are like, four. Pancakes.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 8)
I’d make a great stalker. And it’s in my nature, too. I kind of have to repress it, though. It makes people uncomfortable.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
It’s not impossible to get guns here, it’s just not like the States, where you can go pick up a handgun like a slushee.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I’m a truck in touch with my feminine side.
—Perspective (WOS 8)
You know, you’d be the kind of guy who, if you’d ever played sports, would’ve snapped guys’ asses with the towel.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I was sitting cross-legged reciting my mantra: "I am such a bad Buddhist, I am such a bad Buddhist."
—folkstress (WOS 8)
Your mother wants you to see the world... In a trench coat.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 8)
You couldn’t kick my ass if somebody handed you the foot.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
My vulnerability is like a ripe apple.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Are we going to stand around and argue about whose is longer, or are we going to rent one?
—Agent Peludo (WOS 8)
You speak the truth. You’ve been writing the Bible, I see.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Some things are beatiful in moderation. Western Kansas, for example.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
You are a tough substitute for your answering machine.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I’ve always wanted to say something was in my other pants and mean it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 8)
If she can put out, I put up.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Pain is inevitable, misery is optional.
—Gazebo (WOS 8)
Even my odors are complex.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
That’s the problem. You’ve got too many excuses, and none of them are good.
—Belle (WOS 8)
When I look at you from the nose up, I can’t decide: your mom, or Edward Scissorhands?
—Perspective (WOS 8)
I don’t know how I feel about it when a urinal smells like Fruity Pebbles.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
I wouldn’t want you to do that. It would be stupid. In fact, if you did it, you might die of stupidity.
—Belle (WOS 8)
I am sorry, wild spirit, but a movie was a close as I got Memphis.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
Raw is beautiful.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Make me a virgin, baby.
—Miss Construed (WOS 8)
How can you keep saying "the fact of the matter is" when you have to renunciate every statement I refute?
—Ian (WOS 8)
The fact of the matter is that Catholics are good and Mormons are money-pinching bastards.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Immolation is the sincerest form of flammery.
—Mungsta (WOS 8)
Exscrews me, do I know you?
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
I’ve been living in the shadow of the gay community all my life.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
These are the sort of people who come out at night in a town like this. Who are these people when the sun is shining?
—Ian (WOS 8)
I had some business to take care of on the dance floor.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
I’d shoot you in Arkansas.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
Are you looking for David Koresh? I know he’s dead, but are you looking for him?
—Priscilla (WOS 8)
She took the moral subway.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
We all operate within flawed institutions.
—Great Wise Open (WOS 8)
You’re like a little kid on Christmas. Except you’re generous!
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
E-luv, you never stop with the snippets.
—Monick (WOS 8)
If I get a gun, I’ll shoot you twice.
—The Triangle (WOS 8)
The women in my family are very open about their farting. Or, at least, I am.
—The White Dove (WOS 8)
Look, they call the Civil War the War of Northern Aggression down here, all right?
—Freshly Squeezed (WOS 8)
She did what she said she would! Wow. That’s courtesy. That’s humanity. And I appreciate that in people.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
We’re the Anti-Guys. We’re the ones all the girls want, right here.
—Don Justo Aviso (WOS 8)
Hahahahahahahahaha---... I’m trying to figure out if that’s really funny or not.
—Don Justo Aviso (WOS 8)
I’d better not, I’m drinking. I mean, I’m driving. I mean, I may drink, too, but…
—Agent Peludo (WOS 8)
I wish I could remember when I became so I could remember what it was like when I end.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 8)
People are crazier than anyone.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 8)
God has plausible deniability.
—Slimjim Victim (WOS 8)
Yes, OK, but please just remind me again that we don’t believe in God?
—Shafali (WOS 8)
We danced tower-to-tower.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Sometimes my hair is like a Doors song.
—the dark penguin (WOS 8)
I have Window Envy.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
That’s the Feast of the Slaughtered Innocents. I don’t know if you want to move in that day.
—Brother Habitom (WOS 8)
We are not Pop Tart people.
—Shafali (WOS 8)
What’s her name? Bless you.
—Perspective (WOS 8)
I think we are the only men who slap each other on the back for not getting laid.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
It’s no fun when they throw a fight and no one shows up.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 8)
OK, here’s the thing that sucks about being friends with you…
—Freshly Squeezed (WOS 8)
I’m so glad you’re here. Otherwise I wouldn’t have a tortilla.
—The White Dove (WOS 8)
Look, I’m not going to orgasm unless I’m in there.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
Yeah, I just imagine meeting a mother’s daughter and having sex with both of them. It wouldn’t be incest. They’d just do a little Tune-in-Tokyo with each other.
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
You are becoming a regular wildebeast around here.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
I'm glad you brought that up…
—The Wildebeast (WOS 8)
GOODness.
—Don Justo Aviso (WOS 8)
Death is against my philosophy of life.
—Shafali (WOS 8)
The only thing that separates me from you is you have a smoother car.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
You’ll see jealousy out the raja here.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 8)
I think your head is shaped like a heart.
—Shafali (WOS 8)
Don’t try to be right. It doesn’t suit you.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
Uh-oh. More boynoises.
—Miss Construed (WOS 8)
We decided we were too young for each other.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
It’s five-a.m. good.
—Shafali (WOS 8)
My lovelife is more like the Coliseum than Circus Maximus... Like being chased around by a bunch of psychotic animals.
—Flying Saber (WOS 8)
I’m covered in the chocolate sauce of self-indulgence.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
This music has no soul I can relate to. It melts together and then doesn’t go anywhere.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
Look, this community -- it’s a club, not a gang.
—Tiger (WOS 8)
I really enjoyed your snake.
—The Wildebeast (WOS 8)
So here I am, a catechist by day.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Son, you got a bear on your nose.
—the dark penguin (WOS 8)
I want to smell.
—The Wildebeast (WOS 8)
I didn’t ever talk about it. I went like a squirrel. I just took a nut here, took a nut there and I was gone.
—Latasha (WOS 8)
This is just another Tibetan love song.
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
Why should we be shy about how cute we were as babies? It’s all we’ve got.
—Shafali (WOS 8)
My teddybear, Ned, he’s been through a lot. A drunk Indian almost cut his head off one night.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 8)
In theory, I'm a hero. In practice, I'm a theory.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Hey, your eyes were closed, I saw an opportunity.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 8)
I’ve never seen your bra before. Or at least, not the color of it.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
I find disemboweling rather amusing at times.
—Gaea (WOS 8)
Slap it to me, give me your but clause.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 8)
Oooo, I like that adjective. Tell me what it means.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
Well, I think we’re planning on having a good relationship.
—Inquester (WOS 8)
I really endure triumph.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 8)
Aaaaa! He was wearing his grape smugglers!
—SOBAH (WOS 8)
Brother, you make a fine woman.
—Don Justo Aviso (WOS 8)
Just look at it this way, you’ll be so much more finished when you’re done.
—Nomad (WOS 8)
You are the Molotov Bitch.
—Thezbian (WOS 7)
It’s one of those watching sort of movies.
—Your Jackal (WOS 7)
The banquet served to unite the dead assassins once again.
—Your Jackal (WOS 7)
I wonder if we’re going to have a lot of snake dicks left around.
—Dencoze (WOS 7)
There’s a little gay man in all of us.
—Perspective (WOS 7)
The tidal wave of my complacency has just come crashing to shore.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
Maybe he has inhibitions in his pocket.
—Your Jackal (WOS 7)
We’ve got some pretty rough girls on our floor.
—Sunshine (WOS 7)
After I have sex, I have so much energy, I just want to go do some housecleaning or something.
—Betty (WOS 7)
I’m all about easy access.
—Rainthorns (WOS 7)
I am what rests beneath your flesh, ready to rise without warning and tear you all asunder.
—Ian (WOS 7)
It’s never been about ordering a sandwich to me!
—Ewok (WOS 7)
I’m not even going to stop to say hello, I’m just going to whomp ya.
—Gaea (WOS 7)
I lost my shoes and landed on my face.
—Beenie Weenie (WOS 7)
No! Gangbusters, man!! Let it be fisticuffs if it may.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
Sometimes sleeping with a stuffed animal is better than a woman.
—Perspective (WOS 7)
A long walk over a short pier, this is what is given. Better to walk with eyes level. Better to hold the presence of mind at bay.
—Ian (WOS 7)
Well, thank God for human error and job security.
—Lawrence (WOS 7)
It’s raining caulking in here.
—Gwok (WOS 7)
Nothing’s ever done gently in this family.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 7)
The only reminder I have of the bad times are the nearly invisible lines across my arm, traces of brown beneath a deepening tan.
—Nomad (WOS 7)
It is a rare woman you kiss who does not warrant a poem; Yet there comes the sweetness of the Oblivion.
—Ian (WOS 7)
And, well, the slaves were a funky bunch.
—Thezbian (WOS 7)
My problem is the inside of my head’s a big jungle but I just have a small machete.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
Tell her she’s pretty any way you turn her.
—Monkeyboy Floyd the Screw-tailed Shrimp (WOS 7)
It’s cheesecake, you bastard! Of course it’s rich!
—His Graciousest (WOS 7)
He tries to beat up her image to fool his own mirror.
—Ian (WOS 7)
I am not a Sani-wipe.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 7)
I have the need to both be in something bigger than myself and to be as far away from that as possible. I don’t think that is unusual.
—Nomad (WOS 7)
I suffer from guilty indifference.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
It's kind of get-your-funk-on-real-hard.
—Thezbian (WOS 7)
You just settle down or I’ll have to turn the water hose on ya.
—Gwok (WOS 7)
They're awfully groovalicious.
—Thezbian (WOS 7)
There are some Bohemians out there who would pay to rent a dog to walk.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
Ravage me gently.
—The Watcher (WOS 7)
Funny the way some of the silliest things can be so deeply imbedded in you.
—Ian (WOS 7)
Just like a damned chicken hawk, huh?
—Agent Peludo (WOS 7)
But how many seagulls would you expect to find in the middle of the continent?
—Nomad (WOS 7)
He always had to be different. He was the kind of guy who would drive off out of the sunset.
—the dark penguin (WOS 7)
It was Bittermanspeak, a litany of crap recited over something as meaningless as a carbonated beverage but really meant as some sort of parallel to something else entirely, say a jilted relationship.
—Ian (WOS 7)
I’m not picking her nose. She doesn’t have my kind of boogers.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 7)
I’ll just stay home and play with my native’s navel.
—Miss Construed (WOS 7)
There is something haunting about a silent plant.
—the dark penguin (WOS 7)
Your dog’s name is Blowjob?
—Mizz Rogers (WOS 7)
I don’t have time to drive. All I do is sit at work.
—Bipressual (WOS 7)
I’m the sort of guy who dreams about becoming the FFA president before being a member or even knowing what it is.
—Lawrence (WOS 7)
I’m never natural with chicks. I’m supernatural.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
Distance always draws us closer.
—Ian (WOS 7)
I know this sounds bitter. It is. But it is with understanding (believe me) and sympathy.
—Nomad (WOS 7)
I have to respect my girlfriend. She drives me around.
—Tucson (WOS 7)
She emanated a cruel and whimsical malice.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 7)
I have a conversational fetish towards gay Asians.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
The Big Dog barks and we listen.
—Positively Proofed (WOS 7)
Paging all dolphins: Flipper, please dial 291 please.
—Straightlace (WOS 7)
Ya’ll are gonna hafta take some beans home.
—Gwok (WOS 7)
You just wiggle with it and just everything comes out all right.
—Mistress of the Grand Polka (WOS 7)
He’s trying to ween me off of excellence.
—Straightlace (WOS 7)
That’s just another thing to look out for with a particularly devious hugger.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 7)
It is a lonely and frisky life I lead.
—The Watcher (WOS 7)
I tell you, these jobs are like old girlfriends. You remember them all. Some not good, but you remember them all.
—Shavenrose the Finder (WOS 7)
I get around the global block.
—Nomad (WOS 7)
What, I’m not ripe enough to eat yet?
—The Wily Accountant (WOS 7)
If you’re an Athlete, I mean if you do it your whole life, it’s about the Competition.
—Positively Proofed (WOS 7)
I often enjoy the spontaneity of an action more than the action itself.
—Nomad (WOS 7)
The only thing that could make me happier is to have this served to me in a frosty mug by a beautiful rootbeer wench.
—The Wily Accountant (WOS 7)
He had a good slam-per-sentence ratio.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 7)
That man is a knee-jerk reaction upon us all.
—Straightlace (WOS 7)
You have talent for the cooljacking industry.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
I go out of my way to have a little personality.
—Big Johnson (WOS 7)
If you wait another year to put your kid into kindergarten, he’ll have better chances at sports scholarships in high school.
—Kiddoc (WOS 7)
When you wear dresses like that, the world is your gynecologist.
—Nobebe (WOS 7)
You can’t spend all your time watching the Cholesterol of Life.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 7)
Lightning strikes only long enough to blind and thrill and leave one to wonder if it had ever even been. And only the thunder follows.
—Nomad (WOS 7)
Take care of you.
—Gaea (WOS 7)
I never learn from things; I just enjoy them and remember them.
—Ian (WOS 6)
You obviously do a lot in your head.
—Cap (WOS 6)
I was conceptualizing the man who would doubt everything but himself... And could do anything.
—Lawrence (WOS 6)
Guilt is natural. You can’t go against your nature.
—Prophetboy (WOS 6)
My conscience? _Spotless_.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
There are some tests you just can’t study for. This isn’t one of them, but it’s pretty hard.
—Perspective (WOS 6)
I’m taking responsibility and I’m shouldering the burden of living my life...Which’ll kill a lot of birds with one fucking rock.
—Lawrence (WOS 6)
That’s what _you_ say. I’m just assuming you’re confused.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
The dark penguin may have ears, but has he checked them?
—Mother Theresa (WOS 6)
I guess I just bring out the best in half-conscious people.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
He doesn’t understand. Indifference lifts you up, protects you from stress and hurt. It is very accepting and so pulls the blanket out from underneath Disappointment before it realizes what’s happened.
—Lawrence (WOS 6)
If someone hit you, something would break. You just have such a fragile face.
—Man Chi Chi (WOS 6)
You are caught between 2 choices and can’t decide. So I hand you a coin to flip. In midair I swipe it away, look you in the eye and say, "Now which one did you _want_ it to be?"
—Virginia (WOS 6)
I just love men’s things.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
It never ends with the written word.
—Lawrence (WOS 6)
In silence we linger. In darkness we descend.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
I’ve got a lot of pink periodicals. I had one of those, ahem, scientific dreams the other day.
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 6)
Through her tears and my hand on her arm: "I didn’t think it was possible to work too hard."
—Lawrence (WOS 6)
It is more important to be confident than it is to be right. (That all comes later.)
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Ahhhh. Nothin’ quite like a cup of warm vaginal juice in the morning.
—kurtz (WOS 6)
Up yours, you bovine critters!
—Agent Peludo (WOS 6)
And anyone who believes the Pot Lid Theory should be shot as a possible menace to society.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 6)
We just got screwed without a kiss.
—Sherrol Valentino (WOS 6)
Don’t you see, you’re the enemy. You who would prefer despicable nothing to bittersweet abundance.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
Keep running your desert marathon, it will eventually bear fruit. Lose the Timex, though, it’s like salty potato chips. Just enjoy the scenery and the pumping of your legs.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Well, somebody just had too much of the funny stuff.
—Gwok (WOS 6)
I’ve decided that men are fragile. They act tough, but it’s a very thin shell.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
Yeah, well, I feel we are pretty infinite for awhile.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
Twisting is A.O.K.
—Queen of Crowns (WOS 6)
Strive to find the best in people. The alternative offers no challenge.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Oh, he’s just taking advantage of me, it’s okay.
—Belle (WOS 6)
That’s what I like about you. You just assess the situation and render judgment.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I’m adventure-prone.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
You want to talk about biological clocks? Does the phrase "sexual prime" mean anything to you?
—Nomad (WOS 6)
I only make monkey noises at certain times.
—Mother Theresa (WOS 6)
No, I already have ultimate control.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
_Everybody’s_ ticklish.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
You just let me know when the beginning is over with.
—Solar Unholies (WOS 6)
Cars won’t hit you. Just step in front of one.
—Stinger (WOS 6)
Don’t keep breathing, it’ll do you absolutely no good whatsoever. It just prolongs the agony.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I’m still a staple.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 6)
I’ve spent most of my life shaking my wrist, saying "Djinnis be damned" and never looking back.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
A speech is like a love affair: any fool can do it, but the ending requires skill.
—Corp Ethician (WOS 6)
You know, dating is mating, and as soon as we find out you’re not The One, it’s over.
—Line'N'Pole (WOS 6)
They are young, and young is fun.
—Rainbowmaker (WOS 6)
My life’s never been focused, but it all seems to come out alright.
—D (WOS 6)
I believe in the strength, beauty and wholeness of the individual spirit. _No matter what_.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Do you wash your jeans with Windex? Because I could really see myself in your pants.
—SpootyKing (WOS 6)
You get more ass than a toilet seat.
—NC97 (WOS 6)
In the world of relationships, you now wear beer goggles.
—Nobebe's Bebe (WOS 6)
Basic human psychology: The amount of attention you give someone is directly and inversely proportional to the amount you receive from them.
—Ian (WOS 6)
I’m tired of worrying all the time. Can’t I live with things that seem like life?
—Nomad (WOS 6)
He is just the ocean of coolness on which we all sail.
—Sunshine (WOS 6)
You want to sleep? Sleep when you’re dead.
—NC97 (WOS 6)
Bathrooms are a good place.
—Solar Unholies (WOS 6)
We can only hope that, in our times of childlike innocence and naivety, we will not be misused and if we are, that we will recover still retaining the beauty of unjaded youth, now tempered by wisdom as opposed to consumption by fear, retaliation and hate.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
A little tease is good now and then.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
Well, you have an Indian butt.
—Ms. Fin (WOS 6)
I’m just a nice day waiting to happen.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I used to play Frogger when I was little. Of course, it was pretty hard because it was always during rush hour.
—Belle (WOS 6)
There’s a lot of just throwing to the lions going on here.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
Sex is usually a social event.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 6)
This place is turning into a regular 90210 Detention Center.
—NC97 (WOS 6)
She won’t come unless you ask her in person.
—Darkwiper (WOS 6)
Now there are going to be a lot of pretty girls up there at college, and you’ll probably meet someone special and you’ll want to do certain things with her. I just want you to remember... Give her a thrust for Grandpa!
—Pappy Swede (WOS 6)
I ate a cherry today. Very good. I ate her (w)hole.
—Miss Construed (WOS 6)
She’s a real wide-belt kind of chick, the kind who really wears a wide belt, you know.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 6)
I’ve got your balls of fire right here, baby.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
You’re either intellectualizing or having a psychotic break.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 6)
Save the drama for your mama.
—Mo' Rockin' (WOS 6)
That’s the problem with society. Even if you’re slightly attractive, men still step on you.
—Miss Construed (WOS 6)
It’s the up-and-coming Me, with a capital "M."
—Needless (WOS 6)
I always probe for reinforcement.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Are you saying I’m actively vague?
—Nomad (WOS 6)
She’s the promise of something she’s never going to give these men.
—Always (WOS 6)
Ixnay, Brute. I’m the wallrunner.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 6)
This is like a divorcee going to a friend’s wedding.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Why don’t you come over here and cunnilinger?
—Crouton (WOS 6)
I just want to taste some jell-o.
—Rings (WOS 6)
I know my pain. (Ha.)
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I’m all about sultriness.
—Mo' Rockin' (WOS 6)
This is a beautiful place. I am all too fortunate to be here.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
You are irrelevant. You have no bosom.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Would you like me to nuke your noodles?
—The Aerial Zioness (WOS 6)
We are your 24-7 yang factor.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Have you become disillusioned with English teachers? Do we need to have a talk?
—Eyes O' Night (WOS 6)
Mmmm-mm. Escape is tasty.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
You know how when someone touches something, you just want it more?
—Gaea (WOS 6)
The truth speaks... And I am it’s mouthpiece.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
She put it on her bra and it smoked.
—Mo' Rockin' (WOS 6)
I always bring spice to the table.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
I’m not after his body, I like his atmosphere.
—Gaea (WOS 6)
It only takes one bus.
—Mother Theresa (WOS 6)
Oh yeah? Well, you should just see me travel.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 6)
He’s a verbal-Mike-Tyson-chameleon, that one is.
—the dark penguin (WOS 6)
The basic goodie is walking around being known by other and their being harmonious with that.
—Wednesdayman (WOS 6)
It’s all buttcups and underwear with you, isn’t it?
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Paul Simon knows where it’s at.
—the dark penguin (WOS 6)
That’s what conversation is: long wind.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
I’m afraid I’ve been saving up all the good things... Waiting till the world is ready for ‘em, I guess.
—Gwok (WOS 6)
It is the unwritten law of money. If no one spent it, it would become worthless. I would hate to make my money worthless.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
It’s smart to have your own personalized matches.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 6)
I love flying. You know that moment when you take off, you’re just hanging there and it’s up, up, up... It’s just like an orgasm.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 6)
After a month of sex, they’re not ready for love.
—Dencoze (WOS 6)
It can be strange for even a sensitive guy to hear he’s someone’s mistress.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 6)
Hey, yeah, that’s Ahab the Desert Sweeper, right?
—Rainthorns (WOS 6)
Question: Why, oh why, is there such a thing as procrastination? Answer: To keep us busy.
—Migrating TripleX Entendre (WOS 6)
Oh, yeah, he was just being his usual spastic colon self, huh?
—Mo' Rockin' (WOS 6)
Fine, go get your intellectual intercourse from her, then.
—Rainthorns (WOS 6)
I think we’re going to line you up and flog ya.
—Nobebe (WOS 6)
It’s an interesting feeling to realize that you are systematically alienating yourself from an increasing number of people in your nest.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 6)
I’m all about thwarted expectations.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Yeah, well, we all start on our birthday, don’t we?
—Stinger (WOS 6)
That place where you got that, was it called Kimonos For Less?
—Nobebe (WOS 6)
Why do I always have to hide my lifestyle from you? Why can’t you just accept me and my yogurt?
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
Uh-oh, that rabid cow is coming closer. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, cuz I’m a boy. Penis power.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 6)
I don’t want to be in your frigging book.
—BAB (WOS 6)
We are the Hounds of Victory.
—The Florentine Avengers (WOS 6)
That’s what I do, I shed joy.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
T.V. is Satan’s toy. Could you take a picture of me with mine?
—THE ROOF (WOS 6)
Why is my butt a constant object of abuse?
—Gaea (WOS 6)
What is this with the sucking face thing?
—BAB (WOS 6)
OK, tell me honestly, if you displaced yourself from your body for a moment, if it was you looking at you... Just tell me you wouldn’t want to do you.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 6)
You have love handles? But you’re emancipated. Or emaciated.
—Rainthorns (WOS 6)
Housing is like a waterbed.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I don’t want to talk to you. I just want to put something in your head and leave.
—The Prince and Me (WOS 6)
There’s no way to get around bacon unless it comes from a circumsized pig... And those are few and far between.
—Koash (WOS 6)
Shoot, what’s a crustacea got to do with genitals?
—the dark penguin (WOS 6)
I’ll get her arms, you get her pants.
—Stinger (WOS 6)
I’m going to go watch a bunch of girls get soused on themselves. (And you’ll be there to pick up the pieces.)
—Dencoze (WOS 6)
Share the wealth. The wealth of joy. The Joy of Deprivation.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
What’s with moms and storm drains and creeks anyway?
—Thezbian (WOS 6)
I’m secure enough in my masculinity. I’ll just take a little piece for the road.
—Uberman (WOS 6)
Man, I’ve been gone from the hole for several hours.
—Thezbian (WOS 6)
The sun woke to my shining face this morning.
—Nomad (WOS 6)
Oh, please, I FLITTER.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I’m the patron saint of fun.
—Your Jackal (WOS 6)
I’m the only one who can do any banging around here.
—friskies (WOS 6)
We met over dead bodies.
—20 Minutes (WOS 6)
People put some weird things in jell-o. Like carrots and shit. That’s just wrong.
—Rings (WOS 6)
The world smells like Froot Loops. Diversity is not a buzzword, it’s a way of life.
—the dark penguin (WOS 6)
If you are the woman in a relationship, then I guess that makes us lesbians.
—Betty (WOS 6)
Hey, you’re sort of burning my leg.
—Bootierock (WOS 6)
I’m thinking a Palooza-full of vulva is a lot.
—Jollysofaboy (WOS 6)
You can mouth watermelon during any song and no one will know any better.
—Belle (WOS 6)
There is no skinnie. Just a phat, phat, phat... Phat relationship.
—President Duck (WOS 6)
Hey, Larry, are you dead yet?
—Firstblood (WOS 6)
Wow, it’s just like Halloween in a rich neighborhood.
—Crouton (WOS 6)
We belong to a sorority. Lik Mi Pi.
—Biding Time (WOS 6)
We’re just a bunch of caged rats, here. No, wait, that’s rabbits.
—Sexual Furniture (WOS 6)
I just got my punk ass capped. I feel pretty bad about that.
—Spunky Mick (WOS 6)
You’re in the Acronym Lounge?
—The Brass Duck (WOS 6)
A girl’s got to have hobbies. Boys are entertaining. They sure are entertaining.
—Mother Theresa (WOS 6)
Yeah, and what is up with those shorts, anyway?
—One Frank Monkey (WOS 6)
You don’t wanna get into an argument with these hips; they’re gonna getcha.
—Thezbian (WOS 6)
That’s three for me. Three people who trusted me.
—AsIs (WOS 6)
Whimsy is unstoppable.
—the dark penguin (WOS 6)
There’s no telling what she’ll do with her toenails.
—vuurcatalyst (WOS 6)
You don’t mess with a piano player’s butt.
—Betty (WOS 6)
It’s my birthday. I can be racist if I want to.
—Stinger (WOS 6)
You’ve turned this dorm into Lord of Flies.
—Rings (WOS 6)
I wanted to be able to relate to Darth Vader. Just once I wanted to hear him say, "I feel a great weirdness in the force."
—Nomad (WOS 6)
It’s all facades. I am the lion, you are the lamb. We are exactly the same.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 6)
If you’re gonna smell up the place, you’d better at least leave a slice.
—Belle (WOS 6)
You’d better watch it, or it’ll be fisticuffs in a minute.
—Gwok (WOS 5)
That’s why, as a parent, it’s your responsibility to get your kid infected.
—The Horse of Life (WOS 5)
Geez, what’s with birds in this show?
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 5)
She was pretty disenchanted with my existence.
—the dark penguin (WOS 5)
Honey, I need to get myself waisted.
—The Ember (WOS 5)
OH. I thought you said “Pablo Neruda?”
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 5)
That’s how whole families wind up just waking up dead one morning.
—The Horse of Life (WOS 5)
You know, of course, that water has a magnitude of six.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 5)
Love is just blinders.
—Cary (WOS 5)
Just enjoy them all, don’t have any expectations.
—Mr. Mayhem (WOS 5)
Orapronobis inmediatamente pronto subito, baby.
—Gwok (WOS 5)
Um... That would be Arachniaslovia.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 5)
I had mixed emotions about eating my friends.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 5)
Because closing means there isn’t anything left.
—Perspective (WOS 5)
Hey, what’s that tomfoolery over there in the bulrushes?
—JulesVincent (WOS 5)
I’m trying to keep powered up and not be a danger to society and all that.
—Adem Vanzomer (WOS 5)
We’re prepared to deal with vegetarians.
—Mama Charity (WOS 5)
Well, Officer, I guess I’m pregnant.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 5)
The past few weeks have been the kind where you expect to see your name in a headline that ends with, “...Before Turning the Gun On Himself.”
—Sugardaddy (WOS 5)
No, I will not look at your underwear’s inside.
—Snake Eyes (WOS 5)
She’s just, well, Little-House-On-the-Prairie-pretty.
—The Watcher (WOS 5)
I’ll have to get back to you on that one. The thoughts of my mind are bouncing between the walls of my soul.
—Chili (WOS 5)
Bondage is a pasttime, not a relationship.
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 5)
Thank God for the alphabet and that there are enough letters to go around for everybody.
—Steal (WOS 5)
One man’s gas is another man’s dialogue.
—Principle (WOS 5)
Did you know that some of the greasiest guys are the nicest?
—Nickel Weed (WOS 5)
You’d look pretty good -- like, with no head.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 5)
He’s certainly an interesting piece of human flotsam.
—Slimjim Victim (WOS 5)
Nevermind. I’m just talking to myself out loud, using your name.
—Man Chi Chi (WOS 5)
Well, you know when the Battle of Hastings was? No? Well, if you had, you’d have known it was 1066. But that’s not my number, except it is if you subtract one from it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 5)
You own La-La Land, but you don’t let it control your life.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
It’s like when you shove your head in a clean toilet. It still tastes like urine.
—Duke Schtuke (WOS 5)
Because for the schizophrenic, EVERYTHING IS LOUD!
—D. Homie (WOS 5)
You know, mom, love is a big money-spreader.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 5)
All I’ll have will be, like, a dress, and a ring, and some purple napkins and shit.
—Chili (WOS 5)
If all goes well and the chain saw is working, I’ll be knee-deep in dead fish tomorrow.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 5)
Generation X just describes the trait of being too cool for your own past.
—Adem Vanzomer (WOS 5)
Yes, but what about the lipids?
—Mister Boat (WOS 5)
I have neither the time nor the spare energy for my libido.
—Adem Vanzomer (WOS 5)
You know, my brother, the President can’t afford a bad hair day.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 5)
Anyone else, when asked for a fruit, would say, “Apples!” or “Oranges!” - but, Nooooo, you have to say avocado and papya.
—Eyes O' Night (WOS 5)
Where is it? If it were up your ass you’d know.
—Perspective (WOS 5)
With friends like me, you just need better friends.
—Man Chi Chi (WOS 5)
Stop wiping your ass with your own tears.
—the dark penguin (WOS 5)
There are no friends, only enemies. It’s just that some are nicer than others.
—Perspective (WOS 5)
Oh, she retorts with a gluesticks cut.
—djosan (WOS 5)
Don’t you think that you can do whatever you want with me just because I got a little carried away.
—The Bird Bath Baptizer (WOS 5)
I think it’s bad when your urine smells like coffee.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
You’re always in my room, you can always get a piece.
—Mother Theresa (WOS 5)
Guys are supposed to jump around, alright? They just go around jumping.
—Inigo (WOS 5)
In my country, we have a saying: If you go to sleep with a baby, you will wake up with shit on your arms.
—Fractalito (WOS 5)
Music is like cheese; it makes everything better.
—the dark penguin (WOS 5)
Women are like baseball cards.
—Stinger (WOS 5)
Because it’s just easier to get help when the sun is shining.
—Renault (WOS 5)
The pronunciation of Macedonia does not a smart man make.
—the dark penguin (WOS 5)
You’re a hell of a gal, Bob.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
I’m just going to lay on your little warm spot here.
—Inigo (WOS 5)
Sometimes it’s just hard to make out.
—Perspective (WOS 5)
No matter how hot or how great you think she is, someone somewhere is sick of her shit.
—StallTalkist (WOS 5)
If you want her, you’ll have to cross my crack.
—p49 (WOS 5)
I’m serious. I AM excited about your vegetable garden.
—Nobebe (WOS 5)
I ride on rage.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
Is that a painting in your pocket, or are you just happy to see my monkey brains?
—Hart (WOS 5)
Because, when I’m in the room, the sun is always shining.
—Sunshine (WOS 5)
I’m sorry my chest isn’t any bigger. I’ll have to start working out. Till then you’ll just have to share.
—p49 (WOS 5)
I think everyone is somewhat enigmatic; lustrous and confusing in some way we cannot expect or grasp.
—Ian (WOS 5)
After the first inch, it doesn’t matter.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 5)
But how do you take the blood pressure of a giraffe?
—Nobebe (WOS 5)
Alright, now everybody get a separate piece of him and pull.
—Inigo (WOS 5)
It’s never too late for retribution.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
So do you want a penis yet?
—Sunshine (WOS 5)
Sex is for everyone. Just like flushing toilets.
—CO (WOS 5)
The seasons do not matter. I just like it whenever things smell fresh.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
I’d found the Apathy Party, but it’s not worth the trouble.
—Captain Apathy (WOS 5)
The implications of your existence are... Dramatic.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
I role-play a lot. In my mind.
—Inigo (WOS 5)
Is environmentalism like rabies?
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
Listen, you sociological nightmare, you can not be your own subculture.
—Stinger (WOS 5)
Breasts come in so many different shapes.
—Monsieur (WOS 5)
Every bit of skin feels. The precise edge of control.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
A book without pictures is like a woman without all her appendages.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 5)
Once a social butterfly, always a social butterfly.
—Perspective (WOS 5)
The night may be young but I am not.
—Gwok (WOS 5)
I was going to be unattractive, but I realized it would be too much work.
—Inigo (WOS 5)
Rugby is great. Did you know that when they get injured, they just leave them on the field and keep playing?
—Solar Unholies (WOS 5)
If a company sells me bad water, I don’t buy from them again. Yes, but suppose I’m dead. I have no recourse.
—Mahatma Econ (WOS 5)
I can’t go three pages without having sex.
—Sunshine (WOS 5)
Fried Chicken forever, my brother.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 5)
I may be lying in the gutter, but I’m looking at the stars.
—StallTalkist (WOS 5)
I think it is going to rain; did I hit it?
—Monkeyboy Floyd the Screw-tailed Shrimp (WOS 5)
You’re going on a trip? But your room isn’t even clean! You are really living on the edge, without any insurance policy.
—Mother Theresa (WOS 5)
What’s your baggage?
—Hart (WOS 5)
For the first time in history Ireland is... completely irrelevant to this conversation.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 5)
There’s something kind of sexy about a woman who really loves her family.
—Lawrence (WOS 5)
We all just need to be little Fonzies.
—Your Jackal (WOS 5)
I am a Ninja, I feel no pain.
—Ewok (WOS 4)
You know what? You have snake eyes. I hate snake eyes. My mother hates snake eyes, too.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 4)
Well, that's just plain good-times-great-oldies.
—The Globetrotter (WOS 4)
You complain like a lawyer over the hardship of investing wisely, while some of us would like to have the dilemma of deciding whether red wine or white wine with their meal of garbage rinds.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 4)
Well, it's like the Bedouin (who values himself only in his sheep) who had a brand new BMW.
—Gray Interloper (WOS 4)
You're sorry? I don’t need your sorrow. Just tell me it'll never happen again.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 4)
Love is like cake. I like making it with your mom.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 4)
You're reserved with your words. For the most part this is wise, but every now and then your mouth and mind compromise.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
But what does it MEAN? Oh, that's a good one. Even the chicken was never quite certain why he unintentionally managed to make bad joke history.
—Kees (WOS 4)
Am I powerful in my howling hunger, or is life always safest behind the sights of a rifle?
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 4)
I don’t care. Tell them whatever you want. (…Except the truth.)
—Snake Eyes (WOS 4)
We could always shave your underneath.
—CD Ashley (WOS 4)
Hell hath no fury like that of a woman born.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 4)
I think the purpose of life is to live it.
—Ian (WOS 4)
My heart's breaking down for something; my heart's folding out to you. These darts are laced with noises; these noises are sounds for you.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
Lady knowledge, you are always showing a little leg from the corner just beyond, then slipping away.
—Holden (WOS 4)
Nothing quite like softly professing your love over a cheese coney at Sonic.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
And I hate you like I cannot remember hating, with the knowledge that it is hating me.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 4)
Leroy was the sort of guy who would step on a cat just so he could feel bad.
—Kees (WOS 4)
Forget Truth and Justice. All we need is the American Way.
—Ian (WOS 4)
Now, when an innocent of this world is faced with outright villainy (and of course that innocent doesn't wish to jeopardize his fragile position of innocence, but must protect his innocence in a very uninnocent way) he must fight fire with fire to get his virginity back.
—Kees (WOS 4)
If only I could excuse myself as human… But so's Jesus Christ in his aerospace suit.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
My eyes are slow and timid friends. Oh, my screams could tear souls asunder; mine isn't there to tear.
—Holden (WOS 4)
Our love is like rat droppings: small and insignificant, but everyone notices and when they do, they say "eeuw!" very loudly.
—the dark penguin (WOS 4)
Today, I have no penis… Women are guys, just like I am. No big whup. A sex goddess could introduce herself and I'd ask her how life was and whether or not she'd care to go bowling sometime or something.
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 4)
Hair grows and vulnerability goes to different stages and he ages by the unkempt passing of time.
—Kees (WOS 4)
Right now I feel pretty alone… Take this doubt and cast it far from me.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
Does anyone have any suggestions? Sitting here with a terminal illness, wasting away with a sigh. My disease is having no life; the circle is vicious, death by definition.
—The Falconer (WOS 4)
Motion never stops, para definition. Hurtle it on, let it lift everything into something else.
—Kees (WOS 4)
Solitary creatures mystify me and yet I expect myself to be one. I don't want to need someone, and yet I want to have one when I find her.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
We consider the baits and taste with half-open minds. We must allow ourselves to savor the bait to prove we could lose. But always the throat is closed and we spit behind our back.
—Holden (WOS 4)
Any man who wants me to swallow is going to have to drink a cup first himself.
—Snake Eyes (WOS 4)
Only in a country outside of East Asia would that have been responded to with anything other than a very large sword.
—Sugardaddy (WOS 4)
I passed someone on the street today and she let linger the smell of indifference. Made me blink, forced to think of times I might have smelled it before.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
And it can be very embarrassing to tell people, "My friend died," and (when they ask how) to have to say, "He drowned in a desert."
—Gray Interloper (WOS 4)
This is my lifeline no one is catching. Yes, this here, that thread crunching underfoot; might as well be my fingers.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
It is very difficult for me to be acceptably understanding of people I simply cannot understand.
—Ian (WOS 4)
We'll always have Ponca.
—'t (WOS 4)
She'd broken through everything: all my rage, my frustration and hate, to make me not care. To make me smile.
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 4)
Which is the greatest sin: to lie, to cheat, to steal? Or to kill yourself and pretend you do not feel?
—Ian (WOS 4)
That occurs… um, seven times weekly.
—CD Ashley (WOS 4)
The first thing our parents used to ask us when we got stuff to eat was, "You in LOVE?" And we'd always say, "Nope. Just hungry."
—Man Chi Chi (WOS 4)
Don't talk to me about the ultimate weakness. It is not loving someone. It is loving someone who can never return the sentiment.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
How are your Arabs, anyway?
—the dark penguin (WOS 4)
Blood is thicker than water, but I prefer water in my glass.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 4)
Touch my butt. No, it's time for you to touch my butt now.
—Frankly (WOS 4)
Always a yo-yo.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
Why do I always end up in abusive relationships? Guess I should just stop slappin' the ho.
—Perspective (WOS 4)
You know, it could be the holocaust, and if you got me some great tunes, I'd be dancing.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
Sacrificed for humanity? Or for Christianity? Christ on a cross, God on a stick. Dead man of so many faces.
—Ian (WOS 4)
Did you ever wish to wreck the life of one you loved? (To bring it all come crashing down to you.)
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
Why? Well, it's an interestng paradox, perhaps.
—Shtuffy (WOS 4)
Father, I'm tired. If only my anguish could be weighed, it would surely outweigh the sand in the sea. All your terrors are marshalled against me. My hands are sweaty and empty… But I will not be so complacent.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
Buddhism is just atheism with ethics.
—Reverend Direct (WOS 4)
DUDE, …
—Perspective (WOS 4)
Don't keep running into a wall. Go find a door.
—Gray Interloper (WOS 4)
White elastic eyelids that snap, screaming… There's somebody in here, and the horizon recedes, leaving me stumbling to the alcohol and voices, hiding from the alarm still screaming.
—The Falconer (WOS 4)
Only thing I said today was hello to a stranger. Maybe tomorrow I could try a little more… The seat of mockers has a line to keep warm.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
Did you know that we're all fields of energy? Do you know that we're living in different realities? You have to find them in your inner self.
—Prophetboy (WOS 4)
Death is the only infinity I can still believe in.
—The Falconer (WOS 4)
Hey, just take the peachy-pizza-acid-shock.
—Nickel Weed n LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 4)
People celebrate me / gratitude while heads expand / recognize my common motives.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
You just can't sit through movie after movie with the same actress, the same plot and the same dialogue.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
People disappoint me: the things we destroy for the things we prize.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
I hated myself for doing it, I loathed myself for hating it. I despised myself for existing.
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 4)
Sometimes I'm okay. Then, sometimes, my heart just stops. Those are the times I kind of wonder if I'll ever breathe again and if I want to.
—The Falconer (WOS 4)
Rocket scientists send chills down my spine, because occasionally I realize with sinking doom that, in addition to everything else, they have the capacity to be human.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
And I do not want to descend… No one can seem to touch me here. I hardly touch myself, but impassively, as a bird cleans its wings.
—Holden (WOS 4)
The world is in constant change. Not flux. I don't believe in fancy terms.
—Prophetboy (WOS 4)
Your dog-like prophets lie around and dream. Oh, how they like to sleep.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 4)
I'm just like Pearl Cream for Oriental women.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
There's a party in my mouth and everybody's coming.
—Snake Eyes (WOS 4)
Daaaaaaaamn-skippy.
—Sugardaddy (WOS 4)
I like form-fitting jeans and a nice sweater on a girl. I like her to look like she's made an effort for me.
—Sugardaddy (WOS 4)
I will never look at wonder bras in quite the same way again.
—the dark penguin (WOS 4)
The fact that none of this seems strange should seem very strange. But it doesn't. Except argumentatively.
—Shtuffy (WOS 4)
I felt so bad. I still do. In fact, I just started.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
There stands to reason some reasoning to be done. It seems simple enough when the talking is begun, but the fact that consideration was initially required denotes difficulty in completion of the judgment.
—Kees (WOS 4)
Yeah, well, your whole life is one, big, really lame masturbation joke.
—Perspective (WOS 4)
I think you'll die someday… alone, in a study, quietly, from having no hope.
—Man Chi Chi (WOS 4)
Since I'm bouncing around anyway, I'll continue to with poise and erratic dignity.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 4)
Okay, boss.
—harrison (WOS 4)
Little birds, how come you don't french fry when you sit up there?
—Man Chi Chi (WOS 4)
Love is the answer, baby. Any questions?
—the dark penguin (WOS 4)
Are there those, on the edge of your world, who brush fingers with yours, who dream and hope and are silent… like you?
—Jongen Valentino (WOS 4)
Well, first I'd ask your parents if I could have your stuff. Then I'd hope The Dark Penguin would come and consume your soul.
—Young Frank, M.D. (WOS 4)
What the world promised us is not ours for the promising.
—Ian (WOS 4)
I come of strong people. One day, perhaps, I'll be one myself.
—Lawrence (WOS 4)
You have to understand… People, they just float through your life.
—CD Ashley (WOS 4)
You must watch what you say. The dark penguin has ears.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 3)
Penguins have ears? Where?
—Echt Niemand (WOS 3)
The comedy of life has no need of a laugh track.
—Holden (WOS 3)
It's a great life if you don't weaken.
—Gwok (WOS 3)
He is one of those people who is simply abused as a matter of course.
—the dark penguin (WOS 3)
Trust in God, but lock your bike.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 3)
I don't care what religion you are, you just don't fuck with a man's cup of Joe.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 3)
Alright. New paragraph and that's it.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
Some morality is only important because it is socially enforced.
—Holden (WOS 3)
Come on, Jezebelle, don't fail me now.
—Gwok (WOS 3)
Be a little brutal.
—SARAH (WOS 3)
Please, never forget the immigrant mice.
—the dark penguin (WOS 3)
We must come to grief anyway -- and I for one would rather regret the reality than its phantasm, knowledge than hope, the deed than the hesitation, true life and not mere sickly potentialities.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 3)
You're going to die anyway. Why put it off?
—Nickel Weed (WOS 3)
The Law of Drinking: The more alcohol people imbibe, the closer in proximity they find themselves to be with other people.
—the dark penguin (WOS 3)
How did Adam and Eve really KNOW they were made for each other, even if they were technically made for each other?
—Holden (WOS 3)
There is never an exception, except for when there is. This is the only exception that confirms a rule.
—Brothers in Harmony (WOS 3)
Don't thank me… Just thank the good Lord that I was here to do it for ya.
—Monkeyboy Floyd the Screw-tailed Shrimp (WOS 3)
Hint: Never shave while wearing a turtleneck.
—the dark penguin (WOS 3)
She just got ahold of it by accident; you know, like a dog gets ahold of poison.
—Fabio (WOS 3)
You bring forth intangibles.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
The only thing crueller than playing solitaire is finding that you've been playing it a lot longer than you thought.
—Holden (WOS 3)
Well, maybe you should just think of this. When the cheese is rotten and the ghosts of a thousand British heroes walk the earth, no one will give a damn about the price of fishing tackle.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 3)
Good pickax? Or cheesecake in a pinch, if you prefer. But not so fast… What's your motive at 6 in the mornin'?
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 3)
I would joy.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
You know, the best way to get to know people is to go through their stuff when they're not home.
—DAVEY DAVE BOY (WOS 3)
Bleed yourself till no blood remains.
—Holden (WOS 3)
Sometimes it's NECESSARY for your personal space to be invaded.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 3)
You, hate someone? You're to asocial to hate.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
That's when I was disenchanted with sea gulls, learning that they eat at McDonald's like everybody else.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 3)
Man, she was coming at me with her Big Idea Approach, going straight for my netherlands.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
Jesus was just another good man screwed over by religious fanatics who knew all the answers and wouldn't tolerate anything else.
—Ian (WOS 3)
Now I'm thinking in imperfect sentences.
—Mac Bebe (WOS 3)
That's pure capers.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
Yes. Hi. I just turned 19 in Paris. I was mugged, then gassed and I saw James Brown. Talk to you later.
—The Hooting Hair God (WOS 3)
You two sit somewhere on the border.
—Rainbowmaker (WOS 3)
I still don't know where Abraham got the mustard, but I'm no fifty.
—Fisher (WOS 3)
Does anyone exist on the other end of a stamp? Or are they just people who died but say hello from time to time to remind you they've passed away?
—Holden (WOS 3)
A magnet clings to our souls that no one wants to admit. It is, simply, ourselves.
—Holden (WOS 3)
And then, one day, at 1:23 in the afternoon, in mid-sentence, he broke. Utterly.
—Holden (WOS 3)
Don't eat the Russian, alright?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
Raindrops, pissdrops, blooddrops. Purifying myself while splattering what is below, like the rain I piss my life away…
—Kordo (WOS 3)
This situation may be a little bit of a Dutch toilet, but I'm just going to treat it as if I have a Swede.
—the dark penguin (WOS 3)
A good BBQ sauce can cover a multitude of sins.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 3)
I always respect people more when they're dead.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 3)
And stay away from any federal buildings.
—De Moeder (WOS 3)
I have found some people entirely too proud of their humble character.
—the dark penguin (WOS 3)
He just about shit Solid Gold dancers.
—CD Ashley (WOS 3)
I think racism is cool and there's not nearly enough of it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 3)
Just stay with me, here. I've seen worse men than you through better times than this.
—Tacelon (WOS 3)
Likewise, when one leaves the building, one will experience a volumetric transition.
—Roark (WOS 3)
We build people up, not tear people down.
—Gwok (WOS 3)
Too many love her. She needs a manager in her corner.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
Strangers and acquaintances don't often give you the unpredictable. You EXPECT them to act weird.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 3)
Look, I know enough to fiddle, alright?
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
I get the once-over more than once, if you know what I mean.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
But this man has an excellent ear, and a memory like Babar and Horton put together and gone wild.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 3)
Everybody eats, everybody works.
—Gwok (WOS 3)
The humility people want of you is not just accepting that you are less able than others. It is accepting that you are less worthwhile than others.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
I heard her say with a laugh, "Death is a priority; put it in the first paragraph."
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 3)
Karl is contained. We are cleared to proceed.
—Holden (WOS 3)
Your face prevails.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 3)
Happiness may be temporary; but then again, so is sorrow.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
Sometimes you just have to eat to keep from getting hungry.
—Monkeyboy Floyd the Screw-tailed Shrimp (WOS 3)
I hate people who laugh at badminton.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 3)
Betrayal is a very strong word. I know from its taste on my lips.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
Tip my hat to the heretics of the times who have the time to stand on their truths.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
Sweet is for kids.
—One of 3 Options (WOS 3)
She told me I was born into desire in a wasteland.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
I just… I just want to be somebody worthy of me.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
Letzgitem.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 3)
Well, you know, they're just granola bar factory sort of people.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 3)
I can't keep up this pace, keep up hope, when all I seem to be working toward is where I am.
—Ver (WOS 3)
And all the discipline you thought you could just make, it will laugh in your face as it blows away, blows away, like so much ash that burnt itself into oblivion before it was ever born; an inverse phoenix.
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
You know, you're kind of smart. I mean, you don't look like someone who would have a good vocabulary.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 3)
Well, actually, it's a tribute to my skill that I can even hit them.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 3)
My tribe's left me behind. What's left to pick up, but the scent of my own trail?
—Lawrence (WOS 3)
There ain't no pink Starbursts, baby.
—Douglas (WOS 3)
Why is it that whenever I turn around, she's either there or she's not?
—The Brass Duck (WOS 3)
I guess I'm what you might call a stone-hugging, world-affirming, polytheistic, tarot-card-reading, strictly non-Bahai, nonsecular unitarian dabblist of witchlike proportions.
—The Brown Sauce Druid (WOS 3)
The art of living lies in the constant readjustment to one's surroundings.
—Wayne the Potato Maiden (WOS 3)
I kind of think that oblivion is all in your head.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I can do a dance - a dance in my pants - but I can't do a dance without my penii.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 2)
When we fear the distraction of simple nonconformity, we must be afraid that what we are conforming to isn't important enough to keep our attention.
—Ian (WOS 2)
I think you wrote that yourself because at first glance it doesn't make any sense.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
I put my easel to the sky, a blue haze meets my eye… I just want to paint a picture of a life so simplified.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
To love someone is the ultimate vulnerability, and you refuse to allow yourself any weaknesses.
—Recently Pressed (WOS 2)
I saw someone sensitive and vulnerable and caring. I'm very glad I got to see it before we are reduced to acquaintances in a supermarket.
—CD Ashley (WOS 2)
I'm hurtling backwards into my future now.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Hoopin' for the hoorah with your fat momma's blow.
—Honky Hipster (WOS 2)
I find you… Hip.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
It would be an instrumental if I didn't sing to it.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
I never say flattering things… You know that.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
I like you. You've got straight teeth. No, really, you do.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
Apenistain. Hasta la vagina. But before I go, how's your pubic fruit?
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 2)
I've done the first two, but not the second.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 2)
Fuck you. We're atheists.
—Saint Andreas (WOS 2)
Time maintains that humanity is contained within itself and subject to division and repetition.
—Ian (WOS 2)
Not on account of me should anything stop turning, not on account of me should words be deserting…
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
I like to fall on my own terms.
—Holden (WOS 2)
You know not a pithy, you no-good sycophant of the cacophony wastes.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
They pay me for my time, but my time is finite, and money cannot stop the relentless pace of time.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
Oh yeah? Well, you're just a dumb, ugly skeleton that can't even walk.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 2)
I'm just over here doing my yogurts as part of my self-defense training.
—Lucas JokeWalker (WOS 2)
25 days of wantlessness, then I was back in the gauntlet, hooked by another goddam fish.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Nasty Pierre's real name is Howard.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 2)
Anything you can do, the BLACK man can do bet-tah.
—The Dutch Piper (WOS 2)
But it has to be done, sooner rather than later, because of the season's changing.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I love your… what do you call it? Ghetto talk?
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
But Scorpio works for neither September nor January… So I suspect September was a red herring to keep me from January.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Where would I got to feel welcome? Where would you take me, I want a ride to remember. What would the stakes be, drive slow so I can remember.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Yesterday's in-house mockery is today's latest fad.
—Ian (WOS 2)
Listen, Chicken Lips! Quit being such a jerky-boy.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 2)
Would you be so lucky.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
You tell me. I may be holding the tarot cards, but I'm not the one who can read them.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Who can speak my name? I don't even know who I am. How should another think to define me with a sound?
—Holden (WOS 2)
At the pancake house I was defeated yet again.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
It all comes down to chicks.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
I'm on a frigging frying pan here, dancing every goddam dance I can conceive, and still getting burnt.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Needing my frustration shouldn't be my occupation.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Always a zero, myself.
—Homina John (WOS 2)
Dislexia is strength, or htgnerts.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 2)
I don't trust the truth.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Does fog redeem your arduous treks into consciousness?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I have faith in you. And that's saying a lot, coming from a rabid agnostic.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
And what's the deal with deodorant? It DEODORIZES with the SMELL of old spice. Isn't that defeating the whole purpose of deodorizing?
—DAVEY DAVE BOY (WOS 2)
We have no fate save that which we create.
—Haku (WOS 2)
She is singing to the gigolos yesterday.
—Fern (WOS 2)
I don't know if I like mellow jell-o.
—The Bird Bath Baptizer (WOS 2)
There are kikkers on the front and back of this boek.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Sometimes I wonder if you're having a daily rendevous with aliens or your Dutch friend or like having a pscionic metamorphosis or just going to McDonald's.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
That is rather unusual. I hope a cat fight doesn't break out.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
Feathers and iron are not things that go together - it's a matter of different weight. Gravity has always called me by name. Atlas pulls at my feet.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Infinity is all I desire.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
Anything I have to excuse myself for is probably inexcusable anyway.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Yeah, that's a nice story.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
Everyone has different immobile holes of blindness in their vision that their mind fills in. We've got to learn to see around new holes.
—DAVEY DAVE BOY (WOS 2)
There is an old saying in my country that goes like this. That is, he who cannot teach becomes a principal.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 2)
Such a short time we hve to live - no time to eat the flowers or make love or enjoy death.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
Should it be that we pushed to the edge of sanity, should it be that we rushed to the ledge of calamity, gluttons for a simple train of thought?
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Schizophrenia has definitely taken hold, but I'll try not to let it show. I have no time to convince the doctors that my mind is no different than theirs, only that I'm more in tune with the chaos lying there.
—Ian (WOS 2)
I want to feast on fermented milk and go to a disco and pick up on foreign blondes.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Yeah, you sure saved the day, hero.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
My friend's falling to the ground in incapacitation reminds me of this story about a dream I had last night.
—Lucas JokeWalker (WOS 2)
This point of view is intended for each and every one of you. And at this point of you, feel a bond known to few.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
We're all strapped to the grindstone of mediocrity, it's just that some of us are better at it than others.
—DAVEY DAVE BOY (WOS 2)
So. The infamous point of no return. That place really should be marked. I'd be willing to bet there are hundreds of people who sail right past it before they even know it.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
I feel like a god at moments and a sculpture of shit at others.
—Holden (WOS 2)
She has expensive tastes: gold, and men's souls.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
Don't be afraid to dream, and don't forget to take the world with you.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I wish nazis where lazier.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Shut up, you dumb white-honky butt.
—Nickel Weed (WOS 2)
What do you I say to you? In your journey, you ride swift.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Hey, baby, nice tulips. Mind if I… Deflower them?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
What do you want from me? Should I be Hercule or Monty or Felipe or something?
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Some people think that life is a chess game, and they are the pawns of kings, queens and bishops. But they are wrong. Life is a checkers game, and everyone is a pawn - it just depends on whether you choose to play.
—Ian (WOS 2)
Dreams are our solace, dreams are man's manchine.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
But I keep an open mind and an empty soul.
—DAVEY DAVE BOY (WOS 2)
I don't even know what connects me to what was before.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I'm so cool it's inconceivable.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Good God, man, what do you want?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
It just dawned on me while I knew you were scheming it.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
In Sweden I have found it most common for strapping brutes to goosestep over the crosswalks, as a matter of course.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Somehow it is a wall behind me and it's hard to get through to come to what's behind me.
—The Bird Bath Baptizer (WOS 2)
All feel the raindrops… Time goes on and on and on. The song keeps changing - different beats, the same writer.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
Next to no one is paid to be themselves.
—Holden (WOS 2)
It's not too late to get a tangible talent.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
Why do I live two-faced, why do we live fast-paced? Just keep a rat-race, eating out of your hand.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Social darwinism fails to explain Beavis and Butthead.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
The whole world could have disappeared just now, immigrating to the Milky Way on a whim, and I'm indifferent to the fact that I missed the bus.
—Holden (WOS 2)
The brush is in your hand, and that's all I'm gonna say.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
Impotence is bliss.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 2)
Well, at least I can leave you with my most interfrastic contrafibulations.
—DAVEY DAVE BOY (WOS 2)
Waking up to a rigid member of your anatomy is probably never so disconcerting as when you're female.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
The everyday is my greatest nightmare, my most unbeatable foe. (It pisses on my fortitude, a smelly acid that quickly erodes my stucco will.)
—Holden (WOS 2)
Daytime, nighttime. All things are relative - some things are more relative than others.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
How can you know who you are until you've pretended to be someone else?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I hope the Lord is with me! Well, I don't really care if He is or not, but if I were an American, He'd decide if I succeeded. But I'll just trust my skills.
—The Bird Bath Baptizer (WOS 2)
People are never completely predictable and cannot be charted by factors other than experience.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
I love that na-na-na shit. It really gets to me.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Writing is my life's proof of purchase.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I want to bleed for myself.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
It is natural for people to make rules. It is not natural for people to follow them.
—Ian (WOS 2)
That, what you don't hear ringing right now, is the phone.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
Damn! It looks like that cactus plague is back again.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I'm already regretting the youth I haven't finished wasting yet.
—Holden (WOS 2)
How many people do you honestly know who secretly hoard quantities of fruit in their bedchambers? BESIDES yourself, of course.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Subtleties sneak up on me like sledgehammers, if they make a dent at all.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Sometimes we are so weak we only live by the hope we are needed.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I hate it when people rack me without explanation.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
We live as we dream. We dream alone.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
This is somewhat off the subject, but I'm an anarchistic vagabond, so I'd appreciate a little leeway.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Explosive drool keeps 'em on their toes.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Places matter little… People are everything in this world. The earth is just a backdrop for the relations we share - the divinity of the human spirit.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I'm sorry, madam, but I'm afraid this cleft is taken.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Suspension of disbelief, they call it. The boy calls it his friend.
—Holden (WOS 2)
And people who don't know where they're going don't often get there.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I'm looking forward to riding the waves of its joys and whining complaints to its crashing devastation.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Really? June 25th? Do you mind if I walk funny for awhile?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
The wall is more permeable and more isolating than China's own.
—Holden (WOS 2)
And the raindrops splatter me with grace, splatter me with pain.
—Kordo (WOS 2)
What, did you have helium for breakfast again?
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
I loved it like a leather hat.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Color me Death Incarnate, Color me the Slang King, Color me redundant, Color me transparent.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
I want to unlock all these people who will not shut up.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I am really too sensitive when it comes to Corporate Tulips. They really disturb me.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Give me one good reason not to let loose with a barrage of meaninglessness. Too late!
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
How was the jell-o wrestling contest? Would you like to be the next contestant?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
All you say unwinds out loud.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 2)
I cannot escape the cows. I flee them eternally, but they are always a step ahead. Always the cows. Like a grotesque hickey that won't go away. They feed on me in their restless stillness.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Of course I'm blunt. My subtleties are never appreciated.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I'm in the backseat now, having given up the wheel, and I never knew it could feel so damn good.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Okay, if you want to belittle my attempts at spiritual fulfillment and wholeness, then go ahead and point out that I'm a moron.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Hey, I've got your idealist dogma RIGHT HERE, pal.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Why don't you juggle spoons for charity if you're so hotsy-totsy?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Who are you most similar to in regards to your ignorance?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
She was raping herself in front of us, and it hurt and sickened me.
—Holden (WOS 2)
I guess I don't live off of anybody. I just leech occasionally.
—Holden (WOS 2)
There's always a scapegoat.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
I was wondering today about an epidemic that doesn't exist.
—Wayne the Potato Maiden (WOS 2)
There ARE no vibes in Kansas.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Wish you were here to see my slow ebbing of essence, sweeter than strawberry wine.
—THE LOVE WARRIOR (WOS 2)
Thoughts of you all make me feel so very old.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Look at it like this… Life is just a brown carpet. Nobody's ever sure if it's got stains or if it's supposed to look like that.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I'm just cruising through the Sea of Babes, because I know I can reach in any time I want.
—Snell (WOS 2)
Unlocking it isn't a matter of turning a key, but of facing the wall and continuing to beat it with your head instead.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I couldn't handle that much nakedity.
—CD Ashley (WOS 2)
And another thing… That Murphy guy is a real prick.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I'm not so fond of frogs.
—SARAH (WOS 2)
It is my fluid and I make it and swim through it. I can't just grab a towel; I need to stay wet. I don't know why. I just can't, don't want to shed the droplets.
—Holden (WOS 2)
The blank page is one of my best friends. Always there… A mirror that never hates me. It lets me love and hate myself with honest caring and understanding.
—Holden (WOS 2)
Yeah, you and what virgin Chinese army?
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
I think you use people busting your balls as a crutch.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I want sexual communism.
—The Watcher (WOS 2)
Sentimentality gives worth to the stinkiest of excrement.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Sorry about this, but I must admit that reality is knocking somehwat heavily upon my door at the moment, so please excuse me.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I'm willing to risk losing you because I've never had you.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
Uh-oh. Looks like somebody has stubble trouble.
—Queen Enigma (WOS 2)
You've gotta shuffle the cards, man. It's time to be a catalyst.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
Hey, really, no crap. Well, excrement fixations aside, of course.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
And you know, it's never felt so damned good to be rejected.
—The Visible Stalker (WOS 2)
I really feel, well, different. But it's so normal and so real that it seems weird, you know?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
I always have room. Why not?
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Oh, where art thou, ye poets of the ages? Ye romantics with hearts and minds no better nor more raging than mine own - with your damned unviersality thrust into mine face…
—Holden (WOS 2)
A dictionary is not a dictionary, my friend.
—The Queensburry Catcher (WOS 2)
Freewheel through psychoanalyses long enough and you'll get a flat tire.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
Come to me, my pigeons of the earth, and hear the word you so thirst in this city of many things your mommies never told you about.
—the dark penguin (WOS 2)
And it is worth it, after all. Did I ever doubt it?
—Holden (WOS 2)
Razor eyes seethe and the thunder lies with deer-dog fries as he holds his life in the skies. Only he can appreciate school-floor pies.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
They say you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but who really wants a bunch of flies, anyway? And besides, nobody cares how good the honey is, but people really do hate vinegar.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The Platter of Uncertainty yields only malnutrition to the cosmic consciousness.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
I am convicted to the world by chains of normalcy.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
A dog was trotting throug the marsh. Don't you wonder why?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
So it was that I came upon the frog. The frog could not stop me. I had to follow my destiny.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Who made you the frog?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
So here I am, just as existential as the next guy, and nothing can harness my frog.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Hitler had nappy hair.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Onward to glory of the Valley of the Kingdom of the Heavens of fish. For victory, of course.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Aren't fingernails neat?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Your putrid scent lingers nicely. Don't let it go to your head. (You'll choke.)
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
After all, it's not every day that you are awake.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
How do you do? I believe we've met, although you've never seen me. Perhaps the name…
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The depths of his heart are mauve with rage. No, he's not gay.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Your thighs clobber the skies with the despise of your demise.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Please refrain from the willful eating of sentient flesh. Thank you. Your mother would really feel better about it that way.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Mucus is swell. Why is everyone in such a hurry to get rid of it? Have you ever realized how much you could save on glue?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Orgasmic pleasure is seldom to be had at the bottom of a low-fat yogurt tub.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Getting chunky is not so much a matter of money but of shadowy fate.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Godliness is an illusion. A lot of us are simply good magicians. (Don't tell Him I said that, okay?)
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Pacifists are good people to befriend. You could never lose a wrestling match to Gandhi.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The Scimitar of the Desert Sands sweeps across the heads of activists and middle-aged pygmy women when you aren't looking.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
No matter what you tell yourself, cucumbers will never replace my love.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Sanity lies within the clenched jaw of the celibate schizophrenic.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Demons are the sort of people who block the whole aisle in the supermarket.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Colors are merely reflections of the retinal build-up we cannot discharge to the Monk of Vociferousness.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
People are always more powerful with their clothes on.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Oh how the sycophant who knew not a pithy loved the playful cacophony of new snap-pops.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Capital punishment should be reserved for people who throw chewed gum on the ground. Their electric chair should have a fat hunk of Juicy Fruit stuck to the seat, too.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The pilgrims walk in the glory of your programmed fog.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Eternal are the lambs in their cries of bleating hatred and fleeting love.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Amoebas are a hell of a lot smarter than you think.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
How hurried the Harried Hares have become when haunted by the Harmonicas of Honed Hubris. (Say that three times fast, if you dare.)
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Give to Gus what is Gus's. Give to Guy what is smiley.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Slappa-slappa, thub-thub-thub. Oye, Oye, Oye. Now you decide. Jamaican Congo masturbation jazz or Jewish Latin judiciary commencement?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Backtalk covers old ground on a scenic route to irreparable discord.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The floating waves of promise offer but ammonia and disinfectant in the lands of survival.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Where is your Illuminati?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Can we see around corners? Do satellites exist? Is the sun fire, or is it just possible that we are all spoiled cottage cheese?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Anarchy is pointless, stupid, unrealistic, painful and impossible. But at the least nobody pretends it will protect anybody's rights.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Displeased with society, she haughtily enters a blender.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Dreams swell in the hearts of lonely beasts. Oh yeah? So what? They're also hanging out in the cerebral cortexes of drunk amphibians, but nobody makes a big deal out of that.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Before we can face the Cutlets of Destiny, we must truly see ourselves.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Your oily fingers delight my hard kneecaps.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Searing eyes unnerve bold fronts. Somebody find the eyedrops.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
What troubles you, friend? Shaving with a fork?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
I see in your eyes the fear in your soul. Let your kidneys be free.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Brainwaves crash against the encompassing Cliffs of Bubble Yum.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The mad prophet Almajarad hides in many guises.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Bug-Eyed Billy sees you at twilight, and knows.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
He felt that Bert had acted precipitously in cutting up the corpse.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The grains of time fall like the flakes of dandruff in the still waters of harmony.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
My hair is on fire. Please pass the butter knife.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Excuse me, Miss, but you seem to be milking the Goat of the Gods.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Toes hold the power which the armadillo denies you.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
You don't want to hurt anyone. Just put the spork down and we all walk away happy.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The cow is in the stube.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
My mouth is salty. Would you like to fly with me?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Do you like Oreos? They nourish the soul as well as the mind.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Appreciate cows, but don't let them rule your life.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
When you retreat from yourself, don't back into the furnace.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Refrain from excreting. (I want to see your face turn orange.)
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Grids belong to Snell. You wouldn't know him.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Have a well. Don't drink too much.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The lies will haunt her bowels.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Your scent frustrates my dog.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
When you cry, "People don't like me!", people don't like you.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Hollow minds serve pleased souls.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Stupid? Simple-minded? Unquestioning? Uncaring? Content.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Crystal is fragile. Therefore, it appeals to human fancy.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Compromise makes the world go around. Well, sort of.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
His back is the springboard. You don't care when you hear his spine snap.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Strength is sympathy's greatest enemy.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
You Question? Ask not, young fool. You were not meant to know.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The eyes will twitch, the toes will widen. And that's going to feel kind of weird.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
I am being pummeled by my own stupidity.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Aldus hates new friends.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
She is but a tadpole in the face of Eternity.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
What you do not grasp does not remain unheld.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The cosmos is yours. Who says anyone else has been there before? Who's to say they exist?
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Life is just one big multi-colored tombstone waiting for your name.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The world is full of conflict. No, it isn't!
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Deep-set eyes. More open than the reptiles. Not as cool, though.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
To simply say, "Gwento-nighto, gwento-riveenya" is not enough in this world. We must also point out, "Whooo!" or all else is truly lost.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Have you ever wondered what the universe would be like if it were completely annihilated? I mean, if you were around to see it.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
Is it 5:01 yet? I have an appointment with a greater evil.
—the dark penguin (WOS 1)
The eye of the beholder is only skin deep.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
Three white guys and an Aztec were seen leaving the scene of the crime.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
I will lick the lemon drop of my mind.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
Move along now, Officer, there's nothing left to see.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
Wutz, wutz. Brrr, ah! Ah, ha, ah, va.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
My pop tart is ripe; take me now.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
Though I stand in the Field of Cows I do not feel the presence of milk.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
You're just like Rush Limbaugh. You giggle when you don't know what to say.
—CD Ashley (WOS 1)
Live for the moments you are happy.
—CD Ashley (WOS 1)
Was it Hemingway who said, "Pick your battles small enough to be won, big enough to matter"?
—CD Ashley (WOS 1)
I haven't read a lot of Ernest. But I do like Don Quixote.
—Malcom Lou (WOS 1)
This is crazy, but I have strategically planned it so.
—Javelinflip (WOS 1)
Concise stuff is more pointed.
—Javelinflip (WOS 1)
All girls are weenies. I prefer looser women, myself.
—Javelinflip (WOS 1)
I'm just drifting day by day, laughing when I can and quiet when I can't.
—the Unsung Soul (WOS 1)
Is it hot in here? Okay, I'm an idiot. I'll shut up.
—The Azure Follicle (WOS 1)
Three white guys and an Asian were seen leaving the scene of the crime.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
So many lousy poets out there, spreading gems of wisdom and shedding droplets of liquid rage… No place to share. Give and take. Ushered dumbly into impotence, stifled and castrated while trying to raise their voices.
—The Lure (WOS 1)
Two friends exchange words of binding and consecrate the union with ceremony and saliva… Stronger than any bullet or cross: the only threat to illusion is time.
—The Lure (WOS 1)
I'd almost forgotten the giant chickens.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 1)
He was riding an oven of infernal, eternal destitude. This could have also been construed to have just been a black horse, but with a real attitiude.
—Jay Dylan the Town Schrinky (WOS 1)
You reap what you sow, 'tis never all true. I did. I onced. And so, my friend, will you.
—Fabio (WOS 1)
I'd hate to be wearing a skirt today.
—Fabio (WOS 1)
Perhaps you should check you glass of water. As for mine, well, it's still half empty on the issue… Only there's a huge cockroach floating around in it.
—Fabio (WOS 1)
Three white guys and an Arab were seen leaving the scene of the crime.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
Appreciate the chaos.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
God is just the love people share for each other.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
The tears roll down my cheeks. That little plastic Timex had honor. My last friend is dead and I never said Thank You.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
The voyage has no destination. The ship has no captain and the crew are all impotent. No pee stops on this trip, kids.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
You despise and revile those who grant your desires. Until Mr. Happy raises his bestial head again. Lose your ego, and be not a bird of prey.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
I prefer to think of me as a realistic, idealistic hopeless romantic.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
I lay on the blackened couch, trying to spill my soul, to trace my neuroses; a salve for my psyche, they say.
—Douglas (WOS 1)
If I had some beans, I could make some ham and beans… If I had some ham.
—Granpappy Kyle (WOS 1)
Don't be a fool. Hang out with Ben Svenson and Bjorn Jorgenson.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 1)
Driving is like losing your virginity. Once you do it once, people keep asking you to do it again.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 1)
Today I'm in self-imposed exile because I was a fool yesterday.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 1)
Love to me is the sum of all positive outcomes.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 1)
I sincerely hope that as you approach infinity, your happiness does likewise.
—Billy Pythagoras (WOS 1)
I've been known to change Christian women's minds.
—The PetTalker (WOS 1)
It is the intangibles that truly sustain us in life.
—Sherrol Valentino (WOS 1)
Oh, yeah, you beslubbering, folly-fallen, rump-fed dewberry strumpet?
—Sherrol Valentino (WOS 1)
The sky holds universes that are not ours.
—Snell (WOS 1)
Three white guys and an American Indian were seen leaving the scene of the crime.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
I'm hurt. You're not. I can fix this.
—Compulsive Compiler III (WOS 1)
So it's true. We're all prostitutes…
—Compulsive Compiler III (WOS 1)
This may all be a dream. But tell me, hearts can still dream - can't they?
—ARIEL (WOS 1)
So I says to this guy, What am I: chopped liver!? No, really, this is a joke.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 1)
What's up with Trojan?
—Madame Kiken (WOS 1)
I think I'm gonna go down to the crick, warsh my clothes, then go watch Dances with Wooves.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 1)
It's 'Merica. Tradition. Family. The way it is. If you're gonna do a job, do it right. Shake it more than twice and you're playin' with it.
—Agent Peludo (WOS 1)
Three white guys and an indescribably Non-Caucasian were seen leaving the scene of the crime.
—The Brass Duck (WOS 1)
You know how everyone says, "The Lord is my shepherd." Then I thought, what does a shepherd really do, anyway? I mean, what does he do with the sheep eventually?
—Haku (WOS 1)
There's nothing wrong with being a vegeterian. People who eat meat are more funner.
—Fern (WOS 1)
It never really ends, ends, ends. It never really ends. Endless streams of endless streams beckoning one to ask, "How? Why? What?" But endless silence answers you in infinity.
—Kordo (WOS 1)
I love ol' Turkey-Neck. She's such a crazy kid, I think I want to have her children.
—Big Bad John (WOS 1)
Religion EATS hearts. Science EATS worlds. People EAT themselves.
—Ian (WOS 1)
The statues smile and yell. But can they think?
—Ian (WOS 1)
Go ahead - keep applying the make-up. Keep putting it on, skillfully, oh-so skillfully. Someday the paint will crack.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Too often fear angers, and hides behind hate.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Truth is a narrow view of reality.
—Ian (WOS 1)
The abyss of the soul lies behind the mask of conformity.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Blessed are the ruthless - they shall take all they haven't inherited.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Pain is searing flesh. Agony is the rending of the soul. Who knows the worse when they're both such commoness and hurt like hell?
—Ian (WOS 1)
If you fear whipped cream, you ought not pass your white to fertile field. You might enjoy it - and then what would you tell the harvest?
—Ian (WOS 1)
What can i do for you, sir? [what can I avoid doing?] May i help you, miss? [I hate this damn job.] Please come again. [When do I get my check?]
—Ian (WOS 1)
He fell into the black hole of my mind. I laugh - he's still there, to this day lost.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Watch the eyes - watch them. They're laughing, always laughing. But at whom…?
—Ian (WOS 1)
They are them. We are us. Rock is rock. But pressure merges stone.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Gasping… Gasping for breath. For life. For a moment we might never claim.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Fortune cookie philosophies are a dime a dozen. A dozen dimes still buys a cliché, but Bibles and guns cost a pretty penny. Which are still used to kill?
—Ian (WOS 1)
In order to have the luxury of deciding whether or not to break an agreement, you must first make one.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Depression suicide is a cop-out.
—Ian (WOS 1)
We are dogs; we gnaw the marrow from each other's bones.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Who are we to judge ourselves? What gives us the power to condemn our own freedom? Doubt festers and boils the spirit. This is the twilight of his soul.
—Ian (WOS 1)
People are the more than the sum of their demographics.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Everyone's got everyone pegged. The good guys, the bad guys. No more time, gotta draw the lines. No more Switzerlands. I know who's good and bad, and so do you. Everybody does. Funny thing is, we're all pointing fingers in different directions.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Time keeps sliding like oysters down your throat - you want to throw up and eat when you're good and ready, but it doesn't really matter what you want.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Perhaps it is true, then, that a man who loops cannot be accounted real in this world, for he is unafraid to be himself truly and utterly. That is unreal in this world. For only those who always remain the same, those who are not themselves, only they are truly real here.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Blessed are the ignorant, for they do not even know what they don't know.
—Ian (WOS 1)
You've raged within your beings to just survive your own attempts at rationalizing - to outlive, endure and live under codes of responsibility which you are constantly redefining. Look at you, humanity. What do you see?
—Ian (WOS 1)
I'd like to right the righteous wrongs. But I've found the righteous don't lightly give up their arms. Won't condone thinking about the problems. Afraid they may not know what's going on. Won't admit they're much of the reason we're all wrong.
—Ian (WOS 1)
Tears are weakness. Quiet is strength. Where is reason?
—Ian (WOS 1)
Impotence gives birth to the petty deed so that the big man can fulfill his big needs.
—Ian (WOS 1)
The history of the world is the history of humanity's dreams.
—Ian (WOS 1)
To WOS overview
"Did he just say sequential antecedent?"
~ejr himself
Copyright © 2002, 2003, 2004 Eric J. Reid
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